Stutter- matthew espinosa [ON PAUSE, WILL RETURN SOON]

NERD .07

Summer's p.o.v.
-
"Okay Summer, I'm going to say a word and you're going to repeat it for me. It's okay if you cannot do it but I want you to try your hardest. Before you begin I want you to take a few deep breaths and relax, don't overthink anything." Mrs. Padilla said. Her hair slicked up in a tight bun, her eyes were smokey yet subtle, and her lips a pretty nude color. "Now repeat after me, the quick"

It's Wednesday. I should be in school today but Mother felt it was better for me to take a break regarding last night's events. Although my seizure wasn't as aggressive as past ones she wanted to play it safe. Plus, she always liked it when I could fit in an extra speech session.

I heavily inhaled then exhaled. "Th-th-"
I stopped. Again, I heavily breathed in. "The," Breathing in and out again, "quick."

Mrs. Padilla smiled brightly, "you're doing amazing," A small smile crept on my face. "Now say brown fox jumps"

"Brown f-fox ju-jum-, Brown fox jumps. The quick brown fox jumps."

"Great, say over the."

"Over the."

"Dog."

"Dog, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

The middle aged woman softly clapped. "That was amazing! I can tell you've been listening to your lectures."

"Yes, I have."

"Thats good, keep it up!"

I softly smiled with my hands in lap, playing with my long fingernails. Its been about ten months since my first speech lesson. Mrs. Padilla says I'm doing much better than before, but she doesn't know if I'll ever get rid of my stutter completely. Although I have many health problems, she thinks my stutter may be a result of something mental and not physical.

Many people think stutters come from being young or shy and you'll grow out of it, which is a total misconception. Genetics, child development, neurophysiology and family dynamics are the four most likely factors to contribute to stuttering. Stuttering may occur when a combination of factors come together and may have different causes in different people. Its probable that whatever causes stuttering can be completely different than what worsens it.

For example, Mrs. Padilla believes my stuttering may have been caused by an emotionally traumatic experience but its worsened by anxiety and stress.

"Summer?" Mrs. Padilla snapped me out of my train of thought. My head shot up and looked at her. "I heard from your mom that you've started school again, am I right?" I nodded.

"That's nice to hear, I think it would be good if you made a friend," she said.

"But I a-a-al-already h-ha-have fr-fr-friends,"

"I meant real friends,"

"Th-they a-are re-r-real,"

"Friends you can go places with and have sleepovers and all that fun stuff, not ones on the internet,"

I sighed. Why did it matter if I had friends from school? I have a phone so technically I'm taking my friends everywhere I go.

"B-b-but no-no one l-l-l-likes m-me,"

Mrs. Padilla replied, "that's not true, you're a beautiful girl! I'm sure if you put yourself out there everyone would want to be you're friend, the boys would fawn over you!"

"N-not true," I said. I've never been bullied or picked on, classmates have talked to me before, but now its different.

Ever since I returned from medical leave, everyone ignored me. During lunch I would sit alone, yet I heard the whispers of others about me.

My stutter developed a year ago. After returning to school with a stutter people took it as a sorry attempt at being cute. Others believed it was me crying for attention. Many people believed it was fake.

"Just try, you wont get better if you don't try," sighed Mrs. Padilla. She picked up her stuff. "I'll see you Tuesday, please try for me."

I replied, "ok" and escorted her out.

~

I yawned, flipping through the t.v. channels. There was nothing good on. I picked up my phone off the arm of the couch and unlocked it to check the time. It was only 12'o clock.

'Its still early in the day,' I thought. 'I'll just take a walk.' Grabbing my phone I walked to the door. I took my shoes from the shelf and slipped them on and opened the door. It was warm and bright outside. Too bright. I went back inside to grab some sunglasses and went back out.

It was nice. The weather was warm. Small gusts of cool wind would run through my long locks of auburn hair and I walked along the smooth pavement. I smiled, reminiscing on the old days. The days when I wasn't sick. Mother, Father and I were always outside. Whether we were playing games, having a picnic, or just because, we loved the outdoors. Father would often go outside on his own while Mother and I were left to wonder where we ran off to. We would waste too much thought on it, after all, Father was an outdoorsy person. That changed after that day.

Everything felt amazing. I loved the warmth on my skin and the breeze through my hair. It felt good to be outside, except for one thing. The sunglasses. They made the world seem dark. Everything looked dull. I missed being able to enjoy the brightness of day with out getting a sharp pounding in my head.

"I-it i-i-isn't too b-bad," I sighed and continued walking. The houses on the street all looked different, each one had a unique feel to it, yet it seemed to work well together. The unique houses looked beautiful lined down the street together.

As I moved forward I paused at one particular house. Matthew's. I turned to face toward it and stared long and hard. My eyes squinted in demise. Childishly, I poked my tongue at it and made a fart noise. I then began to kick at his unkept lawn. 'Stupid grass, stupid house, stupid boy,' I thought.

"A-a-asshole!" I yelled before turning back around to continue my walk. Before I could take a step I heard a click. The door of Matthew's off white home opened and I froze.

"What the hell was that, you fucking nerd?!"

My head slowly turned towards the direction of the voice and spotted Matthews stupid looking self standing in front of his door, skateboard in hand.

Shit.

~x~

hello everyone!!! I'm sooooo sorry for the long wait. I tried posting this chapter multiple times but i couldnt bring myself to be happy with it so i would take it down, but now i think is okay??? I hope so.

So ive finally decided on an update scheduel! Im going to be updating every month! I know its a long wait but it takes me forever to write one chapter bc english grammar is harddd.

Thank you all for being so patient with me! Ill figure out how to make it up to you guys somehow!

Alsoooo if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes let me know in the comments! I struggle a lot with writing in english so it would be greatly appreciated!

Im so grateful each and every one of you so thank youuuuu and see ya next month 💕💕💕💕💕