Favorite Oblivion

The Nightmare

ZAC WOKE up as if bedraggled with sweat after having a nightmare. Isang bangungot... bangungot na dapat ay matagal na niyang nakalimutan. But it kept on haunting him.

"Hindi ka naman dapat makonsensya," he whispered to himself, chanting as he tried to convince his conscience. But some things weren't meant to be avoided. Nakakabit sa kaniya ang pangyayari na 'yon. Dalawang taon na ang nakalilipas pero patuloy pa rin siyang hinahabol ng nakaraan at walang mintis na mapapanaginipan niya ito buwan-buwan.

"Zac, wala na siya. Wala na si-"

"Stop!" he avered when a certain voice with a familiar crying tone snuck in to his head. Halos ihampas na ni Zac ang ulo sa head board ng kama sa sobrang inis. He forced himself to avoid thinking about it but it bothered him since then.

Zac quickly ran through the parched hallway to look after the girl he was with earlier this morning. Nang marating niya ang kwartong pinaglalagian ng babae ay agad niya itong binuksan. The room felt different. Strange as the person he was looking for welcomed him in a taboo way, at least for him. She was lying on a stainless table. Nang lingunin ni Zac ang buong lugar, napansin niyang puting-puti ang lugar. Naka-tiles ang buong sahig at pader bukod sa mga kakaibang aparatos. May mga nakadikit din na freezer sa pader. An unfamiliar malodorous chemical was spread at the whole area.

Hindi niya magawang lapitan ang babaeng nakahiga sa harapan niya. Hindi niya magawang gumalaw sa kinaroroonan niya. It felt wrong to come near her and mourn. It felt wrong just by staring at a cadaver he's familiar with. Parang ikapapaso niya kapag nahawakan niya ang maputla at malamig na balat nito.

"...Mahal ko, 'wag mo akong iiwan ah? Ikamamatay ko..."

He remembered what she said a while ago. Tinotoo niya. Hindi niya nga talaga kaya kapag nawala siya. It broke him, not because he still loves her but just out of conscience that he was really the responsible one for this tragedy.

It's now gone. Wala na ang babaeng minsan niya rin namang minahal. He couldn't believe that it was this fast, that you could lose someone in an instant, in a wrong choice of word to speak out.

Pero may isang bagay na paulit-ulit tumakbo sa isip niya. Was he the person who triggered this to happen?

Zac let his forehead rest on his palm after reminscing that part of his tragic memories. Kahit ulit-ulitin niya pang sabihin sa sarili na tapos na 'yon, nangyari pa rin. Done. Cannot be changed. Wala na siyang magagawa para itama ang bagay na sa tingin niya ay hindi naman talaga mali. Inuusig lang siya ng kaniyang konsensya dahil alam niya, parte siya noon. Parte siya ng bagay na hindi naman niya ginustong pasukin.