Colorless

Chapter 17

I woke up the next morning and Elijah still hadn't come back to the room. I was worried about him. What happened last night? What happened between Elijah and me between yesterday and today that he felt a kiss was a good idea? Why did I want to kiss him? I start pacing back and forth, running my hands through my hair and cursing under my breath. The door opens and my head shot straight for it.

Elijah steps in, his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low. He takes a seat on the bed without saying a word. I sit on the opposite side of the bed and just stare at him. I wait for him to say something, anything. Explain what last night was, and what we were supposed to do now. After a couple of minutes of silence, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Look," I started simply.

"Tyler I really don't know what to say. Last night I was a bit tipsy and that was awkward. That's my bad." I stood there in complete shock. So it meant nothing? Just a bit of wine and laughs?

"Are you sure?" I ask slowly.

"Trust me," he says with a smile, "eye on the prize right?" I nod slowly and he smiles. "Now let's get you to Boston huh?" He smiles again, pats me on the back, and then exits the room. I stand still for a bit, trying to take it all in. Elijah seemed real messed up last night and even on the trip but now he is just all good? It doesn't make sense but I don't want to ask him if something is up because then what? What if he says something I'm not prepared to hear? What if he says something he can't take back?

A honk pulls me out of my thoughts and I head outside with my bags in hand. Elijah is drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and whistling. Is he really okay with all of this? What if he is just pushing it all down? Why the hell do I care so much? I stop quickly to drop the room key off and the man is there smiling at me.

"I know that look on your face," he says with a smile. "It's a killer huh?"

"What is?"

"Love," he says simply, "love."

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We have two hours left and instead of being filled with nerves, I keep taking quick glances at Elijah. He has tried starting a conversation with me on a handful of occasions, but I can't bring myself to hold one with him. I was completely fine with him before last night, but something has shifted. Something in me has changed and now I'm scared. 

Don't mess this up Ty, don't do this.

"So," he tries again, "ready to meet this guy?"

"Ugh, I'm not too sure actually. I know I'm nervous." I say hesitantly.

"Nervous?"

"Yeah, like I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to touch him and them complete some test and we are all set?" I ask nervously.

"I'm not too sure actually. But I can only imagine that you'd want True Sight as soon as possible." Elijah glances at me and I smile weakly.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't know him. I don't know anything about him and I'm supposed to love him now? I can't love someone I don't know Elijah." 

"Woah woah, okay slow down. You don't have to love him Ty. You just need to work together to get this curse dealt with, after that you can worry about how he fits into your life okay? Just one step at a time okay?"

"I honestly don't think I can," I say a little out of breath, "I feel like I'm suffocating Elijah. I can't breathe. I can't-" I feel like my lungs are shrinking and black spots appear in my vision. "Elijah," I gasp. The car pulls off the road and Elijah jumps out of the car. I claw at my chest and tears stream down my face.

"Tyler," I hear Elijah call but it's as if he is a hundred feet away.  He pulls me out of the car. I feel him holding me, but the world still feels as if it's spinning a thousand miles an hour. "Tyler please." 

"I can't- I can't breathe." Elijah is frantically wiping my tears away as my legs give out. He has no problem catching my and I hear him curse under his breath.

"Tyler please just focus on me. Focus on me Tyler. Listen to my voice okay?" I try nodding my head but my neck feels stiff. "Tell me about your mom, what is she like?"

"I can't," I say breathlessly. Elijah sits and pulls me into him.

"No, come on. Tell me about her. What is she like?"

"She- she umm. She cooks." I say between my erratic breaths.

"Oh, that's nice. Cooks what?"

"Pasta." 

"Oh wow, I love pasta." I feel his laughter from his chest on my shoulder. "What about your dad?"

"I uh, I don't know." A pain ripples through my body and it takes everything in me not to scream out.

"Just focus okay?" His voice is so calm and soothing.

"No, I ugh, he died. After I was born." His hold on me tightens.

"Oh, Ty. I'm so sorry." I sit up a bit and try my best to smile.

"It's okay. No worries." I feel my lungs loosen up a bit and I take a sharp breath.

"What do you think your favorite color will be? You know, when you see them all?" He asks after a moment of awkward silence.

"I get to see them all and I have to pick just one?" I say with a little laugh. My head feels a little less heavy and my vision is almost clear again.

"I hear green is pretty great." I look up at him and my chest tightens, but not like before. It was a weird feeling. My chest was tight but also warm; it sent electricity to my fingertips.

"Elijah," I say smoothly. He looks down at me and the reality of our proximity became very clear. "I uh," but I can't think of a good thing to say. What could I say that wouldn't ruin this? "I feel much better now." Idiot.

"Well good." He smiles and gets to his feet. "you good to walk? Or do you want me to carry you?" My face immediately burns up.

"I can walk, plus I thought I was too fat," I say jokingly.

"Oh Ty, you could never be too fat." A small laugh escapes his lips and I can't help but smile. The warmth in my chest returns. He helps me to my feet and back into the death trap cage that is my life now. This stupid car and that stupid seatbelt he makes me wear.

"Eli, you never really explained why you wouldn't ever have True Sight." My turn to start a conversation and I minus well go for the goods.

"So you're getting your True Sight so now I have to also?" Elijah looks very relaxed and that urges me to keep pressing him.

"It just sounds like you are so certain it'll never happen for you and I don't get it."

"She died," he says quickly.

"Eli-" but he cuts me off quick.

"We were young. Didn't really know what we were doing. But I loved her. I know I did. She was my one chance and she's gone. So yeah," he says glancing at me for a moment, "I don't have any interest in trying to find someone I know I already found. I'm done with all that." A couple of moments pass by and I am just in total shock.

"Then why are you doing all of this? Fighting against this curse?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Because no one should have to feel the way I do now. No one should have to have that taken away from them. Not just color, but the knowledge that the other half of your soul is lost to you." I'm breathless. He isn't quite a beast afterall.