The Marauders Guide on How to Have a Good Time At Hogwarts - Story Edition

We are not allowed to pretend to go into a coma when we have a test coming up.

"Look, all I'm saying is that I would rather die than have to take this stupid exam," James insisted to his friends dramatically, throwing his quill down on his writing desk with a satisfying plunk.

"You'd rather die?" Peter asked with wide eyes, "Like literally?"

James rolled his eyes, swiveling back in his seat so he was facing Peter, "No, not literally. I'm not that dedicated to not taking this quiz."

"But, what if you were," Sirius spoke up slowly, looking towards the ceiling as he was thinking deeply.

James scowled, "Then I'd be dead and you'd all have to make sure I have a bloody awesome funeral. Well Pete and Remus would need to anyway. Padfoot would probably be too much of a blubbering mess to be productive after my passing."

"I see no shame in mourning the loss of a loved one," Sirius retorted haughtily, his nose high up in the air, "Besides, I wasn't thinking that you should actually die. That would be ridiculous."

"Glad we're all in agreement that James is not going to actually die in response to taking an exam," Remus spoke up dryly, rolling his eyes slightly before looking back down at the papers he was gathering to put away.

"I'm proposing that James fake dies," Sirius said happily.

The other boys looked up from what they were doing, confused looks on their faces as they tried to wrap their mind around Sirius' proposition.

"And how exactly does one fake die?" Remus asked cautiously, not sure if he wanted to know the answer or not.

"Yeah, you can't just fake a death!" Peter exclaimed incredulously.

"Okay, maybe not a fake death. But, like, you could go into one of those ... long term sleep things. You know what I'm talking about?"

"A coma?" James asked hesitantly.

When Sirius nodded his head enthusiastically, James clarified, "You want me to go into a coma? I don't see how that's better than death."

"Not a real coma," Sirius answered, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath about how no one else in the dorm had a brilliant mind like him, "We could just put you into a really long deep sleep. We'll start it the morning of the exam, take you to the hospital wing, claiming you won't wake up, and a couple days later - voila! You magically wake up and be on your way.

"Plus," Sirius rubbed his hands together, laughing to himself maliciously, "if it works out the way I'm thinking, we, as your best friends, will be so distraught by your sudden ailment that we'll be excused from all classes and exams for that time period."

Sirius stood up from his seat, placing a hand on one waist and held the other high in the air with his pointer finger sticking straight up at the ceiling, "It's brilliant!"

"But, wouldn't James just have to take a makeup exam?" Peter asked tentatively.

Sirius scoffed, "What evil professor would expect you to take an exam after you'd been in a coma for several days?"

Peter hummed, nodding in agreement.

"There's no way this'll work," Remus insisted to the other three.

James shrugged, "I'm willing to give it a shot."

"Yes!" Sirius answered, pumping his fist into the air, "Operation coma James is a go."

–

"Are you sure this is safe?" James asked, sniffing the drink and scrunching his nose in displeasure, swirling the sickly pale yellow liquid in hesitation.