The Marauders Guide on How to Have a Good Time At Hogwarts - Story Edition

We are not allowed to switch names so that Sirius is James and James is Sirius.

Hey, Sirius, could you help me with – "

"I'm James."

Peter paused, blinking a few times as he stared at the boy in front of him.

He panicked for a brief moment, trying to figure out if he had said the wrong name, but he was fairly confident he hadn't.

It had taken him almost a full year to learn and feel confidant using his friend's name (he had a fear that he would be wrong and hurt someone's feelings), but he knew that he was right.

He shook his head, "No, you're Sirius."

Sirius frowned, "No. I'm not. I just told you. My name is James."

Peter harrumphed, "No it's not. It's Sirius."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, and replied condescendingly, "I think I know my own name, Peter."

James, the real James, walked in through the doorway to their dorm room, running a hand through his messy, tangled hair as was his habit.

Peter sighed in relief, eager to have someone else there to set the record straight.

"James," he started, waiting for his friend to turn to him.

Sirius replied, "What?"

Peter shot a dirty look in Sirius' direction, silently ordering him to stay quiet.

Sirius raised his hands in mock defense and sat down on his bed, shuffling in his place to get comfortable.

Peter tried again, "James."

No answer.

"James!" He called out, marching over to his friend who was looking through his bag and pulling out his books to work on his school work.

He tapped James on the shoulder and said, "James. Sirius is being ridiculous."

James turned around, finally, and frowned, "How am I being ridiculous?"

Peter huffed, "I said Sirius was being ridiculous. Not you."

James shot a concerned look over at Sirius who was snickering in his place.

"I am Sirius," James spoke slowly.

Peter's jaw dropped, wondering if he'd been so wrong for all these years.

"Are you feeling okay, Pete?" James asked concerned, reaching out a hand to place on his shoulder, "You seem to be a little confused. Perhaps you should lie down for a bit."

Peter nodded, unsure what else he could say at that point.

Maybe he had gotten it wrong. He'd hit his head on the doorframe leading into the Greenhouse earlier that day when he was rushing into his Herbology lesson. Perhaps the contact had been harder than he initially thought.

Did he have a concussion? Was there something that was tampering with his memory.

He could have sworn that James was James and Sirius was Sirius.

But, it appeared he was wrong.

James was actually Sirius and Sirius was James and ...

He groaned, flopping down onto his bed and rubbing his temples as he closed his eyes.

This was all too much for him to take in.

The realization that he had a head injury was overwhelming, not to mention the confusion he was feeling with his friends, which was causing this painful headache to simmer behind his eyes.

Maybe after his nap, if he was still having troubles, he should go see Madame Pomphrey. It couldn't hurt, just to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. After all, he wouldn't want permanent dama –

His inner-monologue paused as he registered James and Sirius snickering and a loud high-five cracked through-out the room.

He groaned as he grabbed his pillow, pressing it tight over his face in embarrassment as he realized he'd been had.

"I hate you guys," he moaned out, which caused his two so called friends to start laughing louder.

–

"Once you're finished with that, could you reach over and grab me that book, Sirius? I would like to finish this assignment within the hour so I can go to bed," Remus said, his eyes skimming over the page of the book in front of him.

"James," Sirius replied, causing Remus' concentration to brake momentarily.

"Pardon?" he asked politely, wondering what urgent topic they needed to discuss regarding James.

"You, uh, said Sirius before. I was just correcting you," Sirius said, reaching over to grab the book that Remus had wanted.

"I don't understand," Remus admitted, not following Sirius' side of the conversation at all.

Sirius sighed, holding out the book for Remus to take and explained, "Before, when you asked for the book. You said 'Sirius'. My name is James."

He shook the book expectantly, waiting for Remus to reach out and grab it.

Remus' eyes narrowed at his friend, sitting in silence for a moment and he contemplated the unasked request, and reached for the book.

"No," he said, turning his attention back to his scroll.

"No what?" Sirius asked bewildered.

"No I'm not calling you that," Remus answered calmly.

"What, you mean my name?" Sirius scoffed pointedly.

"No," Remus answered again simply, not bothering to elaborate.

When Sirius realized that Remus wasn't willing to play along, he folded his arms and pouted.

"But Moony – " he whined.

"No," Remus answered before he could finish his complaint.

They sat in silence for about fifteen minutes before James came in from Quidditch practice.

He threw his broom onto his bed and pulled off his shirt, immediately wiping any excess sweat off of his face before throwing that into his hamper.

Knowing that James was about to take a shower, Sirius quickly asked, "Hey Sirius, how was practice?"

James smirked at his friend, "It was great, James."

"Hey Remus," Sirius started to say and was interrupted, once again.

"No."

Sirius scoffed, waving a hand in Remus' direction, "Remus is being difficult."

"So, nothing new, then?" James teased, going through his trunk to grab a clean pair of underwear and pajamas.

"I'm simply refusing to go along with your silly game," Remus replied calmly, "Now, if you don't mind, I would like some quiet while I finish this. I'm going to be gone during the beginning of this upcoming week and want to turn it in beforehand. James, the real James, go take a shower. You reek. And Sirius, yes I'm referring to you, please, for the love of all that's good, stop talking."

His eyes never strayed from his paper as he lectured the two boys.

Sirius shot a pout in James direction, who merely shrugged, not willing to fight a losing battle, and walked off to get clean.

Sirius sighed, laying back on his bed, and started wondering if he could convince his professors to call him by the different name.