The Marauders Guide on How to Have a Good Time At Hogwarts - Story Edition

I am not allowed to drink three liters of blue food coloring for my pee test.

"I'm concerned about Mr. Potter's urine sample," Poppy Pomfrey stated, holding up the offending jar for Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore to see.

Minerva frowned, her mind racing as she tried to answer several questions that were floating around in her mind.

The first being, why was she even there?

The second most prominent one was, how was this an actual debate they were currently having right now?

And the last, and possibly most important one, what on earth was she looking at?

In Poppy's hand was a small glass jar, with a silver lid, commonly used to hold in urine.

It was customary for professional Quidditch players to have a yearly physical exam, to ensure that they would be able to play at peak the upcoming season, and to be made aware of any physical injuries that might have happened during the game that no one had noticed before.

Over the summer, the school board had decided it would be a good idea to implement this same physical exam for all of their students involved in playing Quidditch, as it could sometimes be a dangerous sport and the Board wanted to prove to parents they were concerned about their children's safety, especially during dark times like the ones they were experiencing now.

Of course, she should have known that this new process wouldn't run nearly as smoothly as it should.

"Why is it blue?" Minerva finally asked, breaking the silence among the three.

"That's what I can't figure out," Poppy replied indignantly, "I've tried every spell I can think of. The urine hasn't been charmed or cursed to appear this way."

"What did Mr. Potter say, when he turned in the sample?" Albus asked curiously, reaching for the sample and plucking it out of Poppy's fingers to bring it closer to his eyes for further examination.

"He merely shrugged," she said, folding her arms across her chest in frustration, "Wouldn't tell me if this was normal or if it hurt or anything. In fact he apologized before rushing out of my office! Why would he do that, unless there was something seriously wrong?"

Minerva took a deep breath.

Poppy continued, "I would like to send this in to St. Mungos for further testing. Perhaps they know some spells or have some potions they can run it through to see what the issue may be. Until then, it is my recommendation that Mr. Potter sits out of the upcoming match."

Minerva sputtered, "Potter? Sit out of the match? You must be out of your mind!"

"Minerva," Albus spoke quietly, as though he were merely reminding her he was there and giving her a small warning that she should watch her tongue.

She ignored him, "I assure you there is nothing wrong with Mr. Potter. It is far more likely that this is another prank from his and his friends."

"But, we must be sure – " Poppy started.

Minerva interrupted, " – by sending it to St. Mungos? Who knows how long that'll take? There's not enough time to find a replacement for Potter this close to the match!"

"Ladies," Albus spoke firmly, holding his hand up to stop the two women from bickering, "Might I make a suggestion?"

Both women waited for Albus to continue.

"Perhaps we should simply ask Mr. Potter and his friends for an explanation."

Poppy scoffed, "I already asked – "

Albus held his hand up again to stop her a second time, "Might we try one last time. Just to be sure."

They didn't have to wait long before Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew came shuffling into the room.

The moment their eyes landed on the blue urine, Black and Pettigrew burst into a fit of giggles. Lupin snorted, but expertly turned it into a cough, which he held behind his right hand. Potter merely looked at the thing in a mixture of embarrassment and annoyance.

"Now, Mr. Potter," Albus spoke calmly, "We've called you here today because we are concerned with your health. What we're seeing here certainly isn't normal, and we must ask if this is a common place occurrence."

James shook his head, shooting back a quick glare at his friends who were having difficulty keeping their giggles down.

"I see," Albus spoke, shooting a look over at Minerva who narrowed her eyes at the other boys.

Upon seeing her look, they quieted down immediately.

"Mr. Potter, Madame Pomfrey would like to submit your urine for testing at St. Mungos so we can see what caused the strange change in color."

James eyes widened as the boys behind him snorted, pressing their lips together as tightly as they could as to not laugh out loud.

"In the meantime, it has been suggested that you sit out this upcoming game until a resolution has been resolved."

James immediately turned to Professor McGonagall, eyes pleading, "They can't do that!"

Minerva took a deep breath, feeling a small piece inside of her crumple as she spoke, "They can. These rules are in place for the health and safety of all of our students and they apply to everyone."

"But – " James started to protest.

Minerva cut him off, "I'm sorry, Mr. Potter. But those are the rules. Now, unless you have a reason for why we shouldn't take this seriously, then I'm afraid we're going to have to go forward with this, and you will be sitting on the bench until the issue has been resolved."

James bit his lip, glancing back at his friends who had become uncharacteristically quiet at the new revelation.

"Mr. Potter," Minerva pressed, "Did you or did you not tamper with the urine sample you turned in to Madam Pomfrey?"

James turned back to his friends, shooting them a pleading look.

It was silent for a moment before Sirius sighed, his shoulders slumping down as he admitted, "I did it."

"May I ask why you decided to do such a thing?" Albus asked politely.

Sirius shrugged, "Thought it'd be funny."

Poppy scoffed, setting down the urine sample with a little too much force before turning away from the group and continuing to sort through her potions in her medicine cabinet.

Minerva simply rubbed the bridge of her nose, wondering if this headache would ever go away as long as these four were still at the school.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor," Minerva said finally, deciding that would be reasonable punishment for now.

"Twenty?" Remus asked, slightly dejected.

"Yes. Ten points for causing so much grief in Madam Pomfrey's day and interfering with the sample."

Sirius asked, "What about the other ten?"

Minerva lifted her head slightly, "The other ten was for nearly causing the Gryffindor team to lose the upcoming match. Interfere again, and I assure you the punishment will be much worse."

She turned on her heels and walked away briskly, ignoring Albus' look of amusement. Before she left, she heard Sirius speak behind her softly, "Wow, she's really intense about her Quidditch."