The Secret Rebel (Rough Draft)

Chapter 14

Suave and cool, that's who I am and will forever be, unless I die... but, that just doesn't seem possible. Turning my head down glumly I sighed a little, bummed out by my own thoughts yet again.

"You good?"Amanda chirped as we walked to the front of the line all the while looking like total bad asses.

"Dude, look where we are"

"I am so sorry you're that depressed"

She patted the back of my shoulder in a soft sarcastic way, it more or so annoys me to no extent. I don't even know why, I feel kind of guilty for it, but I can't control the way I feel. Praying myself free of my moody state of mind I walked closer to the awkwardly lit door, the clacking of heels and the loud voices made the area seem more safe even though that it's probably the opposite. Strutting over to the door, I followed behind Amanda, ignoring the darkness and light breeze of the of the autumn night. Pulling out the totally real I.d, I lightly held it between my fingers the laminated paper feeling like shit in between my fingers. Walking do wn the stairs I watched as Amanda conversed with the security, an oddly short and bald man that looks like he couldn't harm a fly. It makes me a little uneasy how someone could look so weak, because in reality he's probably stronger than all hell or he's just a douchebag. Walking over to him I didn't realize, the full extent, how short he was, I towered over him. I could probably rest my chest on his head, like a shiny pedestal.

"I.d" he stated in deep baritone voice that contrasted his baby like face, giving a curt nod i held the id in between my fingers making myself sound more or so like a bitch

"Yeah, whatever" he said nonchalantly as he gave my back a light push forcing me into the heavy fire door in front of me.

"Well then, someone's in a bitchy mood" I crumbled out as i walked in, somehow I found it kind of funny to how grumpy he was, what climbed up his ass? The world my never know I thought as chuckled to myself bringing my forefinger up to my chin in a mischievous way. lightly pulling my lip while shooting anyone in a foot radius a shit eating grin. Slightly giving a sway to my hips I walked into the heavy bass room. Somehow I found myself wanting to dance as if I had no shame and no matter how much of a fool I made of myself, I would always think I'm good. But yet again have I ever truly been a bad dancer? Well luckily for me I don't give two flying fucks what people have to say. Why the hell am in such a good mood I questioned, finally taking the time to look around my surroundings I noticed that yet again, the people I arrived with had vanished into thin air yet again. Trap music blasted throughout the room, the bass making me feel a high I've never felt. Seeing everyone make fools of themselves gave me an odd self assurance letting me know that it's okay to be like them. And so that's what i did i blended in with the charismatic yet lifeless crowd.

Blending in with the crowd, i let myself be free in away where my thoughts wouldnt out way their cautionary tales. As Eminem once 'just lose it' and lose it I did, dancing is fun, and so is the adrenaline. But a few drinks never hurt in this puzzling love triangle that consists of liquor drugs, and of course I. twisting and turning, i 'danced' my way off of the dance floor, somehow down liquor and building a tab larger than the great wall of China. sometimes I wonder if they just come and ditch me here.

      i gave a quick glance around as I started to go down the line of shots. feeling a few taps on my shoulder i looked next to me, a woman probably about 26, with light hair and eyes. she shot me a sly smile and held up a little baggy, and gave a head nod towards the counter. I shrugged my should and gave her large grin as to say 'eh fuck it, why not.' I watched as she grabbed a napkin and wiped a large section of the led glowing bar off. I watched as she leaned down and tediously poured the coke on the table, I'm a surprised she's not getting in trouble for this. Watching her curiously, her long blonde hair delicacy sitting on the bar, pulling a credit card from nowhere she started to crush the white grainy powder till it was more or so almost like powder or flour. reaching down into what I presume is a bag, either way when she lifted her hand a hundred dollar bill glowed brightly in the light of the brightly colored bar. sending me a wink she snorted half of the seemingly foot line of coke. holy fuck, that's a lot. handing me the tightly rolled bill, I shot her a confident look, as if I actually know what I'm doing.  taking the bill I leaned down, this is kind of scary, ignoring the onset anxiety I put the bill up to my nose. 'chrrrip'  the sound and feeling of coke rushing up my nose made me want to vomit. keeping a straight face I ignored the flavor with a shot of whatever I had ordered prior to cure the taste of ear wax otherwise known as cocaine.

"holy shit," I said, I looked back to the girl, a flooding rush of untamed energy hit me like a brick. it's too much energy I'm not even sure what to do with it, I looked around my eyes focusing in and out on everything around. The multicolor strobe lights that race around me and the bartenders that seem to race around me but at the same time they're moving at a snail's pace. The crowd seemed to mimic the bartenders. it's amazing. running into the crowd of people i grabbed some guy by the hand, instantly dragging him deeper into the crowd his hands were on me, i was on him. this fun i enjoy this. no, i need more, i kissed his neck, hm, no not this either. pulling away from him, i hauled ass out of there, running through the doors and security. i ran, as if i was track, going for the win. Loving the feelling of being free i kept running, i feel like a bird, so free and agile. i let out a scream, a happy scream, like the kind you do when youre standing out the sunroof in a limo, the wind combing through your hair as if nothing ever bad could happen.

But what if the bad did happen, what if the bad did happen, what the limo went under a low bridge and the girl lost her head. i slowed down, my energy fleeting me. suddenly it was all gone, i dont want to lose this, tears started to run down my face as i was reduced to nothing. for some unknown reason i started to cry, not a normal type of cry, but a hysterical cry that just makes you feel like shit on the inside. Taking no time i continues to ignore my surroundings. Heaving myself to the side, I leaned onto the side of an alleyway, dramatically dragging myself along the wall.

"Why... why... why?" I mumbled out, why don't they love me? An image of my parent floated through my head, their smiling face and cheery atmospheres. Why can't they show me that side of themselves, oh yeah dumb and dumber that's why.

"You know what, im ti-red of living under my brothers shadows, i want to be something different. Something of like a ro-ose with dew drops. Absolutely breathtaking. I want to be known and unknown all at once... You know what I mean?" I drawled out as I looked to my right, taking in the brisk air of the night. I don't realize how long it's been, but it's certainly been hours. Leaning down, sitting instead awkwardly cutting up and dragging my arm along, I dragged my body down.

"OH wait! I forgot I'm all a-alone!..." I started to sob more. "Maybe I'll do something so great I'll be known all over and known as th-his massive success. Who's kicking life's ass... Yeah... I- Ill start a change in this boring ass town..." I said as I rubbed my chin, a slight breeze that's making the moment twenty times more dramatic them it really is. "Yeah! And I'll also be like a ninja! I'll be a secret rebel! Yeah, that's it! I'll be a good person during the day and then at night i become this slick and sly bastard... I can't do that though, man I'd have my ass whooped" Thoughts flowed through my mind and in return I gave a light chuckle at my idea of being able to do what I want.

"Wait..." I stopped lulling my head around,

"I can do what I want when I want."I said in low raspy tone, smirking I wobbly stoud up And leaned against the wall and lightly pushed myself off the walk. Tripping over my shoes, I yanked them off, awkwardly stabbing myself with the heel.

"God damnit! I am the Secret Rebel and I don't give a shit!" I screamed in glee, my arms getting tangled in my long hair that had seemed to recoil.

***AN

Don't do drugs kids