Thoughts

From the Halls of Montezuma...

I joined the United States Marine Corps on 22NOV2016 and was Discharged on 1SEP2017, and in that time I learned A lot about myself and I what I desire for both myself and my country.

First, a little bit of perspective on why I joined. 

When  I joined I was in that iconic senior problem of not knowing what the fuck I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I had wanted to serve in some capacity for a while, but wasn't sure what that would be. I had been involved with the Marine Corps as an entity for a while and had a deep knowledge and understanding of how it worked from my time playing Arma as a online Marine, and I learned pretty much how shit went. Or so I had thought. I didn't have a great understanding of how the Marine Machine really worked. I learned very quickly that once you were in, most people didn't give a shit whether you are a good fit or not. They want to get you to Basic as soon as possible and get you out of where ever the fuck you are and off to MCRD. This was incredibly evident when I tried to drop. I told my recruiter that I had found an opportunity to  sing professionally making substantially more than I would in the Marines. He like all recruiters tried to get me to stay, and failed because I had made my mind. I then fell victim to American bureaucracy and didn't get dropped until Yesterday. I don't blame any one person for it, I think it was a failure on many parts including my own. 

 I learned a lot from my Time in and with the Marines, I met a tone of great people that I am grateful are serving the United States, and I am and would be honored to serve next to them in whatever circumstances. I  just felt that I wouldn't be effective as a Marine. But enough beating around the bush, let me tell you why I broke down in front of RP in mid January.

At the time, the POTUS had announced that he was planning on sending troops back into Afghanistan and possibly Syria to fight the ISI insurgency, along with hotspots of Al Qaeda coming back into power. This, after saying that he had wanted to pull out of Afghanistan and the Middle East, although I shouldn't be surprised at that point. I had learned about that through a friend of mine that was getting deployed out in that area of the world. I was worried, I was angry, and most of all I was scared. I think the thing that I took from one of the Poolee's that really stuck with me was this. "When your time comes, you just have to be ready for it. You can't worry about what you're going to miss, because  you won't be there. You just gotta be ready to die."

I'm not ready to die.

I don't think anyone really is, but especially at that moment of my life I wasn't ready to die. And that's why I wouldn't have been a good Marine. Marines are made with the expectation to be conquerors of death, and I was afraid of not living up to that. I've always worried about being a statistic, and for the  most part, I've avoided that. I went in to MEPS a boy, and Left as a damaged, scared kid who was afraid of the vastness of the world and the intent of the people in it. 

I'm hopefully going up to MEPS again on Tuesday to  re-enlist. 

I think I'm ready for death.

For even though I walk through the Valley of Death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.