Thoughts

Letters to and from the one I Love

i want someone like you

someone who loves me so deeply

my angel with a shotgun

shane,you love me so deeply,and we arent even in love.

i wouldn't want it any other way

you're my bestfriend

you mean so much to me

i know you always want me to be safe and sometimes i act so childish

but you keep my head straight

your voice on the phone today

brought all the flowers back

the flowers of

happiness, love, joy, peace...you mean so much to me

you're my angel with a shotgun

and i will look for you in every person i fall in love with

always

love,

me

I don't remember when this was sent to me. I believe that it was after Louise had moved away. Reading it reminds me why I do the things I do.  Walking nearly five miles just to see her face, and hear her talk, and then walking another five to go home and think about everything that had lead up to this. 

Louise, I told you that I would be completely honest with you. And I believe I have been, and while there may have been shortcomings on my end, I am unconscious of intentional error. I try to be the best person I can be, but I let that get in the way of what people actually need more often than not. I realized, while looking over how little we had talked over the last two years how we had grown apart. I want you to know, even though I'm leaving, I will always come back to you. Regardless of what happens. I will always be an Angel with a Shotgun (Or in my case now a medical kit). 

i was so lucky. to have someone love me like shane. me, louise, the lone wolf, had the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

i just leaned into him, feeling the warm wash over me.

this was better than having lance's arms around me.

this was better than that,

because shane loved me. 

Above all else Louise, remember that feeling. Remember that moment, of relief, warmth, love and caring that I try to show to you. If I happen to leave you, which may happen, I want you to realize that with my passing that I'll still be watching. I made a promise not to leave you, and I intend on keeping that. 

Four Years goes by in an instant. I cannot wait until we grow up and get to be kids, intoxicated on a love that has been and will forever be endless. 

I'm so incredibly proud of you. What you've become since you were that awkward little sixth grader that invited me to Impact, is someone that anyone should be inspired to be around. The person that stood by me even after everyone else had left. Things are, and will continue to be difficult. You've made it this far. I may not know what may be going through your mind as you read this, but I hope that you're proud of who you are. Proud of your achievements. I cannot stress enough how far you've come. I will always be a big brother to you, even though you're older than me. I know that me leaving now isn't ideal. If I could push it back, I would. But I need to leave so I can have a better life for myself. 

I'm excited for the times we'll spend together in the coming few days. September will be something that shall live on forever, though for most it may be a distant memory. I will always remember the day that I really realized that I cared about you in more than a fleeting feeling. 

While this may go without saying, I love you. I will always love you. 

And when my time is up

Have I done enough?

Will they tell my story?

Tell our Story. 

Love, Always and Forever

Shane