101 Days of Heartbreak Series Book 1: Letters of Heartbreak

Chapter 16

Dear Kamita, 

Experiencing first love was like suffering from bipolar disorder, wasn't it?  

It was baffling; totally confusing. You want to smile and at the same time bang your head into the nearest wall. 

Two extreme opposing feelings alternately occupying your heart and your mind that you don't know which to listen to anymore. The pull of the other was sometimes stronger than the other one, but then the defeated one wouldn't give up and would always steal the spot back. 

It was heaven and hell. It was north and south. It was yin and yang. 

I had watched in amusement and worry as you experienced your first journey of serious heart matters. 

It was surprising that I wasn't jealous of her. She had taken most of your time for me AWAY from me and you know how much I had always been possessive of Our Time.  

Maybe it's because it was the first time I had witnessed your vulnerable side. You were always confident (probably influenced by your profession), carefree, flirty, and sometimes cocky. And don't get me started on that mature aura that you had recently developed that time, which somehow made you intimidating. 

But when you talked about Alexandrie, you're always insecure; doubtful, as if you couldn't believe she had agreed to date you.  

I had always hated seeing that side of you, but at the same time I was glad. You were, after all, a human being-you have a weakness.  

But most of all, I had actually loved the feeling that you had needed me. It had felt nice being needed by you--- you who seemed to always know what he's doing. Someone who always had a purposeful stride. Someone who's life was planned from the moment he woke up to the moment he slept. 

For the first time, you didn't know what to do and I was happy to be there. 

Just to be there. 

Even though I knew deep inside I was experiencing the same thing. 

And... I too, didn't know how to deal with it. 

---- 

"Kamita Yuu," Ateera harshly whispered to her phone. "I am in the middle of a major subject. Can't this wait until I get home and Skype with you?" 

"But Ateera, I need your help," he answered, almost sounding whiny. Ateera's anger instantly cooled down a bit upon hearing his soft voice-- Kamita sounded defeated. 

Ateera sighed. "Fine. Just hurry up. What is it?" 

"I..." he started, sounding hesitant. "...well... I... well... how do you tell a girl you want to date her?" 

The last part was spoken in a fast manner that she almost wasn't able to understand it. 

"Kamita," she started to complain. "You called me for that?" 

"Uhmm... yes." 

She let out a deep sigh.  

"Look, I am not a boy so I wouldn't know how," Ateera said with honesty. "You have Ruyu's number. Call him. Don't call Gene though; he'll just sprout nonsense words." 

"I... I know I have their numbers, but... but... it will always be you I will run to first," he admitted, touching Ateera's heart in a much gentler way than the usual Kamita touch. 

Ateera slid down the wall onto the floor and rested her forehead on top of her folded knees. She was silent as well as Kamita. She could almost picture him biting his full lower lip-a habit he had developed due to nervousness.