Breathe

Chapter 6 - Calm My Nerves

 Coldness—all I could feel was coldness. All I could feel was the graze of the whistling wind that came through the cracks of my walls. All I could see was the flatness of my bare mattress, void of any blankets or pillows to give me comfort, through the lens of a dim room. All I could hear were the soft crackles of my candle, which was set dangerously close to the edge of my desk. But I didn't care. Even if it fell on my chair and it caught on fire, it'll be better than this—at least I wouldn't feel so cold.

I moved my foot and immediately, it was pulled back. The sound of something rustling. I looked down. My chains were tight—tight enough that if I had a knife, I could cut the links. But looking around, I saw nothing like it. There was no knife to set me free.

She made it that way so we would not escape, I heard Eve say. She knew you would try to do something idiotic.

"Idiotic?" I repeated with a scoff. "I'd hardly call that idiotic. Even if we broke free, where would we go? I don't have enough strength to fight against one armed guard, let alone a few more; even if our legs are freed, they can't take us anywhere."

She sighed. There are plenty of ways to escape.

"I'd love you to tell me them."

I know you would, she replied, which is precisely why I will not.

Lying back, I rested my head against the hard mattress and looked up. From the cracks in my roof, I could see some scattered rays of sunlight peek in. Listening closely—but not on purpose—I listened to the conversation of the guards outside.

"So, where's Charles today?" a man with a high-pitched voice asked. "I thought he was on duty today."

Another man sighed. With a gruff voice, he said, "He took the day off to go to Middle Libentina with his family."

"Oh, is the Funeral Procession today?" Funeral Procession...?

"Yeah, the one for what happened a few weeks ago. Apparently, his wife's sister died this time," he explained. With a sigh, he murmured, "Sometimes, I wonder if he purposely lets his family live there so he can have more breaks."

Funeral Procession... what happened a few weeks ago... A single braid of goldish red hair swung past my face. I looked up. Margie was there. Her face pale and her eyes dull, she looked at me expressionless. She was in her uniform. Her uniform was full of holes.

Suddenly, her eyes were full of life and she latched onto me, clutching my arms. Breathlessly, she asked, "Miss Adair, why would you betray us? Didn't you love us?" She shook me.

"I—"

"Miss Adair, tell me!" Her eyes were dilating. Her eyebrows were lowered and her eyes were raised. With a cracking voice, she asked, "Why would you betray us like this? Why... why did you let me die? Didn't you love me, love us?" Tears filled her eyes. Stopping, her voice grew somber and her gaze faltered away. Her arms fell. "Tell me... everything you told me...was it a lie? A cover up? Something to calm my nerves?" Looking back at me, she screamed, "DID YOU NEVER CARE ABOUT ME?"

"OF COURSE I CARED ABOUT YOU!" I cupped my face. "I cared about you—all of you. Of course I did. All... all I ever wanted was for everyone near me to be safe and happy. Everyone—including you, Margie." Looking up, I clutched her shoulders. "All I wanted was for you to be safe—safe with Dad and everyone else. I never wanted any of this to happen. I didn't expect any of this to happen. I never expected that all the people who I've saved will be hurt because of me. All because... all because I wanted to save one more person."