Why Me Against The World

You Wasn't There

True Colors

I wanted to be there for Kentrell surgery, but it seems like everytime we try to be there for each other the wrong impressions are shown at the wrong time. It's like when you really care for someone your actions lead them into the wrong path. Luckily he knows me well, I would never leave him in the wind. But when he not focusing on serious situations properly, in his mind he would say I was being selfish the way I left him. But you did that to your self, how I'm being selfish when you ain't want to tell me in the first place? I had to find a way on my own, if I hadn't stopped by the store before I went home who knows how things could've went. He would've never told me, only person who probably would have is Ben.
"Ben you know he had to nerve to get mad at me because I walked out. I don't know why he was so upset about it inna first place. One minute mofos wanna keep it a secret, then when I find out and it go left he wanna play victim and leave me looking as the enemie. Like really Kentrell I'm bout the realist female outchea, if ian care bout him I would've neva even thought some was wrong with him. Then Beenie post to be my fav brother and he didn't even wanna tell me. No offense you know I love you too." I said drowning my feelings in this dirty fanta, while Ben listened bluntly. I liked talking to him about certain things, but you got to catch him at the right time because most of the time he don't be listening. Except when it's just me and him.
"Mane you know how YB get when he feel like problems being thrown at him all at once. He barely can handle all of em sometimes, but when he get to writing he feel that's the only way he can sort things out with his self. Which I feel is a nightmare sometimes, would if he ain't had the supply for him to write his thoughts down ? It'll be like going to war with yo self against the world. But Ian gone lie that nigga do be tripping sometimes." He laughed at the end, but I could hardly see what was funny. Im telling you gang and them be laughing at the most irrelevant shit sometimes. Sometimes I just sit there and say y'all niggas tripping, and they got the nerve to look at me dumb. But listening to what Ben was telling me was on some real, cause when I'm thinking to myself and all these problems just cross my mind, I feel like the world just sitting on my back waiting on me to find a way to get it off.
"Ben what chu do to set yo mind free?" I asked as I watched him roll up.
"Shit I smoke big BackWoods and drink pints of syrup." He said hitting the blunt passing it to me. I was laughing at his lanky ass.
"That's all y'all niggas do is drink syrup, y'all can't find another way to release stress." I said shaking my head.
"That's how we built. And what happen to you and ole boy y'all act like y'all was so in looove." I wanted to slap him right in his new fade he just got. Why they always bringing up him when they high, I be second guessing when I talk to them. They always trying to get full details. What was being said, what happened after that, then what you did? Like let me live. I don't be saying nothing when they be messing around with these trifling females out Chicago. They only play with they mind for fun. I'll do the same with these niggas, but I would never treat a nigga how they do me.
"We wasn't meant to be, it is what is. I swear ian even gone front it hit me bad when we broke up. But ian finna shed tears every night beating myself up about it like it's my fault. Niggas gone be niggas and that's how I handle mine. No matter how hard you ride fa somebody, they cuh always change they ways on you. You can't trust everybody you get with these days, mofos just can't play they role. At the end of the day don't put trust in somebody who can't be trusted. After being with him I won't ever love another nigga again who show they on wanna be loved properly. If you can't handle a real one, you minus well cuff a hoe who can't be trusted." I was just rolling BackWoods back to back. I was getting tied of hiding how I felt towards Herb. Months passed before they actually asked me about it. They knew I wasn't ready at the time they thought about asking. I had to open up, I ain't want to hide it from the light any longer.
"Damn K ian know you was going through it like that. I mean I knew but it just don't feel right actually hearing it from you. YB been talking bout how he on like seeing you hurt, he was telling Beenie how you deserve a real nigga and shit like that. That's y'all business though, he was saying some otha shit but I stopped listening." He said laying back on the other end of the sofa.
"Ya Ben I hear you. I know how Kentrell feel about me, but sometimes he get caught up in his words. He be tryna open up to me and tell me how he feel about certain things, but it's like everytime he do the conversation always go left. Ion know what it is, just last year we cuh tell each other anything, nah all our talks end up with us mad at each other." I said finishing my third BackWood.
"Since he tell y'all everything, how come he ain't been acting the same towards me? One night he wanna have long talks on the phone, then one night he wanna get mad at me fa calling at the wrong time." (The room was filled with silence) Only thing I heard was Ben fat nose ass snoring, I looked up and he was sleep. I just went to sleep too.