Shower Thoughts (Levi x Eren Fanfic)

Chapter 3: Lone Encounter

Levi's POV:
What have I done? Wasn't the purpose that I came here was to make sure my feelings were clear to Eren. Yet, I harassed him without any clarity. I had a feigning sense that he would reciprocate my feelings without a second thought. I had a desire to have a relationship with him, yet my heart aches with every step I hear as I walk away from Eren until only an empty blanket of echos and silence remains.

Turn around, Levi. Why can't you turn around?!

I threw on my clothes quickly and practically disappeared into my office, skipping dinner. I couldn't face Eren now. He had rejected me because I'm an idiot who couldn't keep his hands to himself. How pitiful.

I crashed into my chair and groaned into my hand, wiping it down my face and letting it fall limply off the side. Maybe I really had lost all humanity. Oh, the irony. Humanity's strongest giving up his humanity and belittling himself to instinctual hormones. Why is love such a cruel fate? I couldn't even begin to confess my love properly, yet I harassed Eren without even properly letting him speak.

I'm an idiot.

Rapid knocking at the door interrupted my thoughts and I knew immediately who it was.

"Go away, Hanji," I growled. "Not in the mood."

"Ravioli, you didn't eat your dinner," he insisted.

"That's because it's ravioli," I called. "I'm not in the mood to put up with your shit." The doorknob turned as Hanji let herself into my room to my dismay. "Go away," I groaned louder. She sighed before placing a tray of the soup and pasta thing before walking over to my chair. She stepped around so she was facing me.

"Did you do something to Eren?" she suddenly asked. I flinched before wishing I could sink into the chair. Hanji nodded and pulled another chair over. She took her goggles off letting me know she was completely serious. "Eren didn't eat and looked uncomfortable all throughout dinner. You skipped altogether. Don't deny me that something happened. Instead, tell me what happened, Levi."

"I don't know what happened," I said in a quiet voice.

"Don't try and lie your way out of this. You know I can spot a lie with my eyes closed. Even someone like you has habits and quirks that show you're lying. Human nature is as such," she stated. "This isn't a trivia question, Levi. I may be extreme sometimes, but I do have authority as a squad leader as do you. I'll keep things quiet provided you don't endanger yourself or any of the cadets. That includes Eren's provisions. You're teetering off the edge of this borderline. Tell me what happened, and we can solve this without Erwin's input." I knew Hanji was right. There was no doubt Hanji wouldn't report me. But there was nothing I could say in defense.

I harassed a subordinate and brought unnecessary stress to the military. As much as I wanted to deny it, every soldier here is a boy in a man's shell. We all gave up our childhood to be here. We carry the heaviest burden of innocent lives lost, and I've only confused Eren beyond recognition.

"I don't know what came over me," I started. "Eren makes me feel different. He makes me feel human and truly small. It began a while back when I caught him peeping  on me showering. I couldn't stop thinking out him and I may have forced myself onto him and gave him a handjob in the shower." I winced waiting for a sharp retort, yet it never came. Slowly, I tilted my head to meet Hanji's gaze. I almost had to stop breathing for a moment when I found she was leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed, he eyes set in a deadly glare.

"Are you an idiot?" she burst out. "Are you dead? Blind? Fucking brain dead, Levi?"

"What?" I exclaimed.

"You're unbelievable. I'm actually in shock you can't see it."

"Stop trying to beat around the bush, Four Eyes. What the hell are you seeing that I'm not?" I spat angrily. She was seriously getting on my nerves. Hanji snorted before putting her goggles into her pocket and replacing her lens with fragile glasses. She grinned before standing up. She began to walk away to my confusion.

As she reached for the doorknob, she said, "Levi, you're like a little Romeo running from your Juliet. Know where your heart lies before it's too late." She opened the door and left my room. "Don't forget to eat the ravioli!" she added cheerfully.

I scoffed and grumbled as I got up to close the door since Hanji couldn't even have the decency to do that. What the hell does she think she is, a prophet? Who the hell are Romeo and Juliet? If they're cadets, I cringe to think of what kind of parents they had to name them.

Wanting to think nothing more of it, I reluctantly ate the now cold soup... Thing. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before clamoring into my chair once more. I'd wake up in a few hours anyway. No use bothering to ruin the perfectly made bed.

Fatigue latched on my eyes and I let myself succumb to darkness as the moon rose into its full glory, pure and yet so confined to abide by the sun's lights and shadows.

Pounding on hardwood oak jolted me awake. I blinked my eyes open to darkness. The rapping continued as I walked over and opened the door. I was met with a firm chest clad in a harness. With a glance up, I saw blue eyes sharp and calculating.

"What is it you need, Erwin?" I asked.

"Your time, Levi. Freshen up, would you? I need your full undivided attention," he said softly. I waved him away and scowled.

"I'll be in your office in a few minutes."

With my own harness and uniform in hand, I stalked down to the showers. It was definitely too early for anyone to be awake so I'd at least have some peace and quiet. Of course maybe peace and quiet was something I had too much of. The lights flickered as the filaments gradually came to life, illuminating the droplets pouring onto my back. I couldn't even think of cleaning myself. I'm already filthy. Too goddamn filthy.

I winced as my fist collided with the tile wall.

"Goddamnit," I muttered.

I'm an idiot.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Well, this is a bit late, ain't it? Almost October now xD but I do have to apologize for being so late.

School has been kicking my butt in terms of Honors Pre Calc and AP English. They're challenging classes, and I expected that. But my grades dropped a lot in the last few weeks and while I have been working towards getting them back up, it's a huge hit on my motivation and self esteem.

Furthermore, my great grandfather passed away. While I didn't know him too well, it's no doubt he's still apart of my family.

In any case, I hope you'll forgive if updates are slow. Thank you ^^

While most of this chapter was Levi's inner demons fighting a mental war, I do hope you still enjoyed it nonetheless. Two more chapters remain now, so we'll be finished in a few more weeks.

See you then!

~Serpex