St. Ambrose Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center //// AU LiLo

Chapter 11: Fear

Louis spent the next week in the infirmary. Liam spent it trying to do everything but think about Louis. His day always seemed to start and end with the other boy, though. At breakfast with the boys and Eleanor, they would always discuss their visit with Louis the night before in great detail. Liam knew it was for his benefit, everyone else had been there, and even though he always made a lame excuse not to go they knew he wanted to know how Louis was doing, even if he wasn't quite ready to see him yet. Zayn would always start the conversation, and Liam's gratitude along with Zayn's appreciation for Liam's concern formed a truce between them.

After breakfast, Liam would go off to see Dr. Arrigo for his private session. He was growing tired of these, as Dr. Arrigo kept pushing him to explore past memories he'd rather not think about. Liam knew that was part of her job, but he'd rather her leave him be when it came to his ex-girlfriend. After lunch he would go to football with Niall, and then his literature lesson with Harry and Eleanor. It was particularly hard for Liam not to think of Louis there. Then came Afternoon Group. They would all sit together now, and whenever Arrigo would call on one of them to share, the rest would try their hardest to make that person laugh. Liam got a kick out of being a proper trouble maker for once, but Zayn reckoned it was nothing compared to what he and Louis would pull.

During free time Liam would go down to play football with the boys, but sometimes he stayed to hang out with Eleanor and he found that he liked her a lot. She was really smart, and whenever she beat Liam at table tennis she would scrunch up her nose and stick her tongue out at him. He wanted to tell her to just stop wearing so much damn makeup, but he was scared he'd make her cry. After dinner is when all pretenses would fade away. The others would go visit Louis in the infirmary, and Liam would go visit him on the roof. No matter how well Liam was doing that day, no matter what excuse he made about going to bed early or going to read for literature, he climbed the fifteen flights of stairs, settled down on the ledge, and thought of the boy with the blue eyes that somehow infiltrated every fiber of his being.

Eight days after Liam visited Louis in his bedroom, Louis returned the favor. It was free time, and Liam had chosen to spend it with Eleanor. After a half hour though, he just wasn't into it and decided to actually have a lie down for once. When he got to his room though, he was surprised to see Zayn and Louis chatting away.

"Liam!" Louis said excitedly, standing up to greet the boy in the doorway.

Liam took a step back on instinct, and even though he tried to play it off he could tell by the hurt in Louis's eyes that the other boy caught his apprehension. Louis sat back down on Zayn's bed, curling in on himself a bit to make himself smaller. Liam wasn't sure if it was in shame or if Louis was trying to show he wasn't a threat, probably both.

"Hey Louis, how're ya feeling?" Liam asks, timidly.

"I'm good, you?" Louis is visibly deflated now, his voice unnaturally soft.

"Same."

They're cautious around each other, awkward. Liam doesn't want it to be this way, didn't imagine it being this way, but he can't help it. He wasn't expecting it, he thought once he saw the boy everything would be back to normal, but right now, with Louis there in front of him, he was scared.

"I should give you guys some time to talk," Zayn says, moving towards the door.

"Good idea mate," Louis says with a grin. Liam notices it's not his usual easy one though.

"Actually," Liam mumbles. "I'd rather you stayed."

"Li, you two need to talk," Zayn encourages.

Louis cocks an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "So you're Li now?"

"Like I said, I'm gonna go," Zayn responds.

Liam shakes his head, feeling the panic approaching. His chest is tightening and his breathing is becoming shallower.

"No," he chokes out. "No. Zayn don't leave me here alone."

Liam knows he's hurting Louis, he can see it's killing him, but he's terrified. He doesn't want to get hit again. He doesn't want Louis to hit him again, and he doesn't know what will set the boy off.

"Li, just calm down. Take deep breaths," Louis says, kneeling beside him. Liam winces back from his touch, and Louis pushes himself back to the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry Lou," Liam gasps, fighting to regain control. "I just can't trust you."

"Zayn, just help him damn it," Louis cries.

"I don't know what to do!"

The panic attack was getting worse now, and Liam was starting to lose focus on the room around him. His heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest. Despite everything though, his last thought before he lost consciousness was that he was glad he saw Louis again before he died.