St. Ambrose Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center //// AU LiLo

Chapter 18: Kisses and Revelations

Liam spent the day with Eleanor, and he found himself really enjoying her company. His mind couldn't help but travel back to Louis though, and Liam had the urge to prove to himself that it meant nothing more than guilt and concern for a friend.

"I had a lot of fun today," Liam said as he walked Eleanor to her door that evening.

"Me too," she said, shyly.

"Thanks for agreeing to come along. It was completely worth the trouble I'm gonna be in tomorrow," Liam grinned.

"Why did you invite me? Why not Lou, or one of the other lads?"

"I wanted to spend time with you," Liam explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're a great girl, El. You're smart, and funny, and I wanted to get to know you better."

"I don't understand," Eleanor said, shaking her head.

Liam grinned and took her hand, "You're beautiful Eleanor, inside and outside, makeup or no make up."

Liam saw the girl's eyes tear up, and he wasn't sure if he was pushing it but he was determined to prove that he wanted this. He took a deep breath, and pressed a gentle peck to her lips. Eleanor tensed at first, unsure, but when they pulled away she was smiling at Liam. Walking alone back to his room, he refused to admit the relief he felt knowing he enjoyed that kiss.

When Liam got back to his room, he was pleasantly surprised to see all the boys lounging about. Louis looked much better than he had that morning, but Liam's satisfaction from that revelation was short lived because just as soon as he was walking in, Louis was getting up to walk out.

"Wait. Lou, stay a bit mate, let me apologize," Liam said, holding his hand out to stop the other boy from leaving.

"There's nothing to apologize for."

Liam wanted that to be true, but Louis's voice was tight and his eyes were trained on the floor.

"Look, I'm sorry I took my anger out on you. My dad just had me reeling, you know?"

"It's fine, Li. Just drop it," Louis said, shaking his head.

Louis made to leave again, and Liam began to get angry now because he couldn't understand why Louis couldn't just accept his apology. As he got to the door, Liam grabbed his arm and spun him around forcefully.

"What the hell is your problem man? You attack me twice and practically strangle me to death and I forgive you but I push you once out of frustration and you can't even look me in the eye?"

Louis's eyes locked with Liam's then, cold and hard. "Let go of me Liam," he said.

Liam took a fearful step back. Louis had never spoken to him that way before. His voice had never been that low, that eerily calm, and Louis only ever said his name like that when he was upset.

Zayn had gotten up and stood between the two boys, ready to intervene if necessary. "Why don't you guys just call it a night, yeah? You can talk tomorrow," he offered.

"There's nothing to talk about," Louis said, quietly. "We can't be friends anymore Liam."

"Because I pushed you?" Liam asked, incredulous. He was so confused. He didn't understand why those words left him so gutted, so panicked. He didn't understand why he felt like the ground was being pulled out from underneath him.

"I'm sorry, Lou. How many times do I have to say it? I was upset about my dad and those guys from the other team. I know that's a shit excuse but," Liam trailed off, watching Louis shake his head.

"I don't care that you pushed me Liam, I've done far worse."

"Stop calling me that!" Liam exclaimed, he was on the verge of tears now.

"That's your name," Louis said, far too calm for Liam's liking.

"Not for you, it's not. You call me Li." Liam says quietly, tears spilling now.

Louis blinks back at him, head tilted to the side. Liam thinks he looks like a puppy, and if he wasn't so upset he would laugh at how random a thought that was.

"I don't know what you want from me," Louis finally says.

"Tell me what I did to make you hate me," Liam whispers, barely audible.

Liam sees it then, the walls crash down and there's pain behind Louis's eyes, clear as day. Liam feels his heart break for the boy, and he doesn't understand it, refuses to acknowledge it as any more than empathy amongst friends.

"I don't hate you Liam. I just rather us not be friends than have you hate me."

"Why would I ever hate you?" Liam asks, more confused than ever. "I've forgiven you for everything Lou. There isn't even anything to forgive, you needed help."

"Just forget it."

"No! Damn it! You're pushing me away!" Liam yelled. He forced in a few ragged breaths to calm himself. He knew he must've looked like he was in a right state, shaking and crying.

The other three boys were on edge now, standing close by, waiting to grab one of them if it got physical.

Louis was still calm though, at least on the exterior. On the inside he felt like he was dying, like he was being set on fire and no matter how bad the pain was he couldn't scream. Liam could see it though. He could see the red rim around Louis's irises and the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"Lou," Liam begged. "Please, don't push me away. You're my first real friend."

"You're gonna walk out anyway Liam," Louis said, voice cracking and betraying him for the first time that night. "You wouldn't be the first to do it when they've found out about me."

"What are you talking about?" Liam asks, utterly confused now. "Lou, I don't care about your Borderline Personality Disorder. I told you that."

Louis lets out a deep sigh. "I'm gay Liam, and you're obviously not okay with that, you made that clear at the game. That's fine, alright, you can still be friends with the lads, they won't abandon you."

Liam let out a hysterical laugh, stopping Louis dead in his ramble. "Christ mate, you really had me going," Liam said, relieved this had all been a joke.

"Liam, I'm not joking."

"You're a really good actor, I give you that, but you're not gay Louis," Liam said, no longer laughing.

Liam was beyond serious now, and he didn't understand why Louis was hanging on to the joke when he had already clearly caught on. Liam looked into Louis's eyes, searching for their usual twinkle of humor. They were cold though, and angry, and suddenly Liam felt like he had been drenched with a bucket of ice water.

"You wanna bet?" Louis asked, grabbing Zayn by the back of the neck and angrily slamming their lips together.