Dear Matthew~ complete

20-valerie

***
I know I've done some pretty shitty things to Matthew lately and me and him could have ended for good. And I don't want that to happen I mean it hurts me every time. He always hurts me even though he says he doesn't want to hurt me...he still does so what the point on even trying anymore. Maybe I just love him to much to even let him go.

***
Friday night I lay in my bed thinking of every stupid thing I've done... and I even remember when I told him I fucked Adrian... I mean I know I did wrong but it's not like he hasn't done anything so ridiculous himself with another girl... I don't even know what to do anymore... I just keep this shit build up inside of me and I don't know what to do anymore or what to believe or who to believe anymore. It's like I get told one thing and then other people tell me another and it's just so fucking annoying and it's stressing me out...but I'm keeping my head held high. I get up from my bed and go downstairs and turn on the tv and see what's on and I get my blanket that dad had given me for Christmas one year,I flip through the channels and see what's on... when there's a knock at my front door. I get up and go check.... and there he stands waiting for me.

***
Matthew stands at my door way with a smile and his sad kind of puppy eyes... it all works in one... "hey,I just swang by to come and see you" I smile and step aside so he can come in. " what were you doing baby?" He asks I smile as I make my way to the couch again,I get rapped up in my blanket again as Matthew sits by me close... " nothing I was just seeing what was on tv that's all" he smiles and says "Val, is it okay if I stay the night here... I mean it's just that I'm... going through something's... and like" I look into his eyes,even sadder looking then when he got here. I scoot closer to him to where I can put my head on his chest.... " babe of course you can stay... it's okay whenever you need me I'm always here for you... and I'm here to hear you out and be here for you" I listen to his heart beat inside of his chest as I feel him inhale and exhale... the way his chest vibrates when he speaks... " I know babe thanks..." he sighs as I say " do you wanna talk about it or just go to sleep?" He sighs again and says " let's just go to your room to talk and so I can try and go to sleep".....

***
Me and Matthew lay in my bed as I lay close to him so I can be there for him" it's just some really tough shit Val like I don't know it's all confusing me all in one." I take a deep breath and let it out listening to Matthew speak to me... I'm here being here for him....just for him.

***
At one In the morning I open my eyes and rub them and I look over at Matthew as he lays beside me sleeping in peace. I use my finger to trace his jaw line and I feel his warmth of his soft face... it's like theses moments I'll never forget.... He moves just a little as I lay back down... suddenly he speaks in a vary low voice half asleep... " Val?... I just wanted to tell you thanks... for hearing me out and being here for me... babe" I smile as I stare at my ceiling and I turn to face him and continue to trace his jaw  line and say " I'm always here Matthew no matter what."

***
The next morning I wake up and gently get out of bed making sure that I won't wake up Matthew. He lays sleepless in my bed almost as if he had a massive hangover or something.

I walk towards my closet and find my white converse sneakers and my jean shorts and just a plain black t-shirt.

I walk over to my dresser and find a pony tail holder and I start gathering my hair into a ponytail when I feel someone's breath on the back of my neck. I quickly turn around and I am face front to Matthew's chest,he bends down just a bit and says " morning Val,babes" he smirks just a little as I push my glasses up on my nose just a little. I smile and hug him tightly like if he was a big huge teddy bear from a carnival prize.

" morning babe" I say as I squeeze him tightly not wanting to let go. He kisses my cheek as he plops back down on my bed." So how'd you sleep?" I ask as I turn to face Matthew. He looks at my ceiling and then sits up. " it was good babe. But I'm sorry I made you get caught in my life. I mean you already have enough pressure with me being a dumb ass and all" I take a seat beside Matthew and say " no babe it's okay I want to be here for you and support you through what ever it is you go through or do. And I've messed up too so don't put your self in this position...we always keep it moving and you know that as much as I do babe" Matthew looks down at the floor and then his gaze meets mine. I suddenly fall into his soft brown eyes almost like if I wanted to reach out and just kiss him already,but it would be bad timing 😂... "Val baby" he says as he puts one hand on my cheek and begins to rub his thumb on my cheek softly almost causing me to fall asleep all over again.