Not Based on a Lie

I'm Here For You

Jared sat for about five minutes while Evan calmed himself, picking at his fingernails awkwardly.

"I... Just... Mom, she..." He looked up as Evan started to talk, stumbling over his words

"Ev, It's okay, calm down... What's wrong...?"

"I... I told the Murphys about the lie, and I came home, and Mom was there, and she found the letter online and she knew instantly it was my stupid letter and- and-" Evan talked quickly, barely stopping to breathe. Jared could barely understand what he was saying

"Evan, Slow down... Just... Breathe..."

Evan took a few deep breaths "Then she- she told me about the day Dad left..."

"Evan..." He didn't know what to say, he just felt he needed to say something, to comfort his friend.

~~~

Evan bit his lip, a new wave of tears forming in his eyes "A few weeks after he moved out... 'temporarily' moved out... He... He came, and just took his stuff and left. Nothing to help her, No support at all... And even now she's out there, working two jobs... Jared, I never understood her... But now I just feel even worse for everything I've done... I wrote that stupid letter, I wrote a letter that reads like a suicide note. Maybe... Maybe if I'd never written that letter... Maybe none of it would have ever happened... Maybe Connor would still be alive..."

He looked at the ground, then jumped as Jared wrapped his arms around him. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into Jared's tight but comforting grip.

"Listen here, tree boy. There's nothing you could've done that would've stopped Connor from killing himself. You just wrote a note he happened to relate to most of. This isn't just your fault, Ev. I shouldn't have advised you like that. I was the one who said to lie."

"You said not to lie..."

"Untrue. I said to agree with everything they say. That's still lying, Evan. I just didn't want you to fuck up more. I should've known you would freak out. I'm not saying you're not at fault here, but you're not the only one. If I'd just told you to tell them the truth instead, none of this would have happened..."

Evan frowned "That's... That's not true..."

"What do you mean...?"

"The day he... Well, after you called him a freak, he pushed me, and, and... Zoe... saw and came to apologise on his behalf, and I freaked out and couldn't talk properly to her. And then later I was writing the letter to myself, the one he took, and I thought he was alone in the computer lab, then Connor found the letter, he asked me about it, and had a... brief moment of kindness... And then, then Connor noticed no one had signed my cast, then he offered to sign it, because 'Then we can both pretend we have friends'... But then he read the bit about Zoe... And he thought I was trying to upset him by writing some creepy letter about his sister... and he ran off. That's... That's the last time I saw him..."

Evan felt Jared tense against him "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dumped this all on you... It was too much... I just, I needed to tell someone about it and you were the only person here and I'm sorry I should've just kept it to myself..."

He felt Jared grip tighten slightly "No... I just... I guess I never really thought of Connor as a real person... He was kinda just, that stoner kid, the kid who killed himself, the reason you cut me off... I guess just hearing about him in that way just, made something click in my mind. I just... I'm sorry. I should've been your friend rather than making rude comments and being a generally shitty person... Maybe then you would've been happier..."

Evan turned, hugging Jared back and sobbing gently "Jared... It's not your fault, it's all mine. All mine, I messed everything up, this is all my fault, and now no one likes me and everyone hates me and I'm all alone" He felt the smaller boy pull back slightly and choked on his breath. Jared hated him too, he didn't want to be near him, he'd lost everyone, then he felt cold hands on his cheeks, they moved his head so he was looking directly into Jared's blue and brown eyes.

"Evan, no one hates you. You're not alone. I'm here for you, and I always will be, okay?"

Evan was a little taken aback by his sudden stern tone. He felt tears falling down his face as he continued to stare into Jared's eyes, watching them soften slightly

"Evan, look, I didn't mean to startle you, I just-" but Jared was cut off as Evan shut him up the only way he could think of.

By leaning forward and kissing him.