The Fourth Fall (Sequel to Boy In My Class) Gerard Way

Chapter 13: The World Is Ugly

"Listen to me carefully," he said, with tension in his voice that suggested that whatever came out of his mouth next could make or break our relationship. He looked down at my stomach as if he were fixated on our baby, as if the consequences of his actions were filling his mind with regret. "Izzy, promise me that you will listen to whatever I have to say."

"I spent four years apart from you, I only just got you back. I'm pregnant with our child Gerard, I'll listen to whatever you have to say but I can't promise how I will react, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sat down cautiously on the couch and rested his chin on his hands, staring vacantly at the wall. I wondered if he was summoning up an excuse in his head, or if he was considering telling me the entire truth. 

"That is my pipe," he said slowly. "But I didn't use it."

"Then who did?" I asked. I held the pipe in my hand as I walked over to sit on the floor in front of him, so that I could look into his eyes and break his gaze with the wall in front of him. I knew that if I looked into his eyes, I would be able to know whether or not he was lying.

"I...I can't say," he stuttered.

"Gerard are you lying to me?" I asked, my heart sinking. "You and I are going to be parents, we can't keep secrets from one another. We can't break up like we did last time. But if you lie to me now, our whole relationship is going to be built on lies and there won't be any trust when I inevitably find out in the future that you lied to me."

He ran his hands through his hair and breathed in deeply. He looked up at me with a sad and yet frustrated gaze that both upset me and comforted me. It was as if he was angry that I would even suggest that he was using again. His eyes gazed into mine and I felt this...connection. He was beautiful in every single way.

"I'm not using," he said firmly, and I knew that he wasn't lying. "Mikey is."

"Mikey's using?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. When Gerard had briefly been involved with drugs in the past, I had known about it. I also knew that Mikey suffered from depression, but I had no idea that he had ever been involved with drugs. I always saw Mikey as not only Gerard's little brother, but my little brother too. I cared about him and I just...I saw him as a baby who was too young for things like that.

"Look Izzy, he's been really depressed these days. I think he and Alicia are on the rocks, I heard he has a new girl on the go but he won't tell me anything about it. All I know is that the fame has hit him hard- he wants to be apart from Alicia but the press, and the fans...he can't do it privately and he's been unhappy for a few months now and he can't escape. Drugs are...an escape route. You know this, you've taken drugs before."

"Well yeah, I've smoked pot," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"And?" he added, raising his eyebrow and smirking at me slightly.

"And MD, Ket and acid, what are you the drug police?" I laughed. "We were all undergrads in University once, G."

"Well Mikey never went to college," Gerard shrugged. "We got that all out of our systems when we were younger, but Mikey's just a kid who joined a band that got famous way too quickly." I knew that I couldn't say anything else on the matter, because Gerard was right. I had taken a ton of drugs when I was studying for my undergraduate degree at a university in London, and these days Mikey was only a little bit older than I was back then. I was still wary of what drugs he was taking, but I knew that it was up to Gerard to be concerned about it and make sure that Mikey was fine. After all, he had been there before himself and he had recovered.

"Izzy, I've changed," Gerard said, sliding down onto the floor and pulling my legs up over his legs, so that our bodies were pressed close together. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I know I used to drink a lot, and take drugs. I know I made it look like I went straight to Lindsey after we first broke up, and I know I cheated on her with you. But I'm not a bad guy, you know this right?"