Why is it that everyone is afraid to die, when it is an inevitable part of our lives?
If you really wish to die, are you up to fulfill your death wish?
"Remember to read pages 111-187. We will discuss all the topics under that scope next meeting," our professor said. "That's all for today. Class dismissed."
I heavily sighed as I eyed our book's table of contents for a few seconds.
Our professor's asking us to read almost around hundred pages that will be our topic next meeting. I don't know how he will maximize our time to teach four topics in three hours. Ngayon nga lang ay dalawang topic lang ang tinuro niya pero tumagal ito ng tatlong oras. Maybe he has other techniques, but he hasn't showed a special teaching technique during our prelims.
Pero next week pa naman ang sunod naming meeting sa kanya. Tuwing Monday at Thursday kasi ang klase namin sa kanya. At dahil holiday sa Monday, sa Thursday na ulit ang susunod naming klase. Siguro naman ay hindi ko na maaabutan 'yon, 'di ba? I might finish all of Magwayen's tasks by that time. Sampu lang naman 'yon.
I was pulled away from my thoughts when someone pasted a sticky note on the top of our book.
Do you want to have lunch with me?
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Iyon ang nakasulat sa sticky note.
Nag-angat naman ako ng tingin sa lalaking nakatayo sa aking harapan. I'm not surprised anymore that it was Savior, but my heart still started to suddenly pump violently against my chest. He's wearing a smile while staring at me. I don't know how he does that―making someone feel cold by his stare and warm by his smile. But his eyes last night were a different story. It sent me all the kinds of feelings and emotions. Halu-halo at hindi ko maisa-isa kung ano ang mga iyon.
"So, uhm... may I know your answer?" he asked me, slightly hesitant.
Pasimple akong napalunok habang tinatantiya ang aking sarili. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong sumama sa kanya o mapag-isa gaya ng nakagawian ko na. But I think it's only right to turn him down, instead. I don't want to make connections with other people anymore. Mawawala rin naman na ako sa mundong ito. It's best for me to just be alone.
Ngumiti pa rin ako sa kanya dahil iyon ang kailangan kong gawin. "Salamat sa pag-aya pero may kailangan pa akong gawin," sabi ko na lamang sa kanya at sinimulan ko nang ligpitin ang aking gamit.
"Samahan na kita."
Halos mawindang ako sa kanyang pagprisintang samahan ako. No one dared to be with me ever since that forged tragedy. Kahit sumabay nga lang sa paghakbang ko ay walang nagtatangka. And then now, finally, someone dared and had the guts to be with me.
Pero huli na ang lahat.
"Ayos na ako, Savior. Salamat na lang," tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya bago isinukbit ang aking bag at lumabas na ng classroom.
Hindi ko mawari ang aking pakiramdam nang makalayo na ako sa kanya. Labag sa aking loob ang ginawa kong pagtanggi sa kanya. Parang ang bigat sa pakiramdam at ang daming tumututol na emosyon, ngunit alam ko namang iyon ang mas makakabuting mangyari.
