Shade

Disordered

A/N. Hey guys, sorry for the lateish update. School's already being a pain for me. But, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter -Anna

MOUNT JUSTICE
October 23, 17:21 EDT 

 Silence. That's all there was in the Cave. Wally wasn't making any jokes, no one was training, and M'gann wasn't her cheery self. Then again, no one has been themselves since the exercise. Everyone had such sullen looks on them. It was a few days after the exercise, and everyone suddenly became silent all the time, staring off into space. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It haunted me. Dying, hearing Robin and M'gann's terrified yells, not being able to help my family, and watching them die right before my eyes. You can't just forget that.

 The exercise showed me that I should cherish the people I have. You don't know how good you have it until it's gone. After the exercise, I stayed close to Robin, not leaving his side. The exercise really messed me up, and I didn't want to leave Robin like that again. I didn't want to leave him alone again. 

 Today, Black Canary was going to try to get us to let out our feelings, emotions, and thoughts out about the exercise. In other words, she was going to be our therapist. I've seen her do it a few times so I sort of know what to expect. I don't know how the others are going to handle talking to her. M'gann was half-heartedly stirring a bowl of mixture with Kaldur, Wally, and Artemis leaning against the counters in different spots. Robin and I were on the couch. Robin had his arm around my shoulders as I leaned on him, and I had my arms wrapped around my legs. My chin was on my knees, and my mind just in thought. All of us were.

 Conner was with Canary right now. He was going to be hard to talk to since he's stubborn, and doesn't really like to talk out his feelings. M'gann told me about when she and him were in Belle Reve, Warden Strange talked to them. M'gann used the opportunity to try to help Conner about his issues with Superman, but Conner didn't want to talk. Not long after Superboy had gone into a room with Canary, he had stormed out and headed towards the hangar. Guessing the talk didn't go well.

 Artemis went next. I don't know exactly how it went, but by the look on Artemis's face when she came back, it looked like she was debating to do something. Then it was my turn. Before I went, Robin put a reassuring hand n my knee and gave me a small smile. I gave a small smile back, and went to where Canary was. There were two green chairs facing each other with a waterfall on one side of the room. The water that trickled down was supposed to be soothing, but it just reminded me of my running thoughts. I sat in one of the hairs and pulled my right leg up on the chair, resting my chin on it.

 "So, Alice, I understand that you are upset from the exercise," Canary started.

 "Upset? Try hurting, traumatized, scared, should I go on?" I retorted. I widened my eyes and shrunk back in the chair a little. I never really got mad at Canary at lot. She was like a mother to me. "Sorry, just really...upset."

 "I understand. But my question for you is why would you be scared? The rest of the Team so far had been in denial or upset," Black Canary asked.

 "I, I-I'm scared that...that once I walk out of there, there will be something bit, and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to save the ones I love," I explained. "I've already lost so much; my biological family, John and Mary, my trust for people. What's next?" You, Batman, Robin, the Team, the League? I don't want to lose anybody else."

 "Alice, you can't live in fear for the rest of your life," Canary said calmly. I rested my forehead on my knee now, listening to my mentor. "You have to realize that you can't do everything. That's why you have friends and family to help you. Cherish the people you have now, before they're gone."

 I knew she was right, I told the same thing to myself a few days ago. It's just hard to grasp the reality now that's all my loved ones are still alive, and wasn't just killed in front of my eyes after the exercise. I had left everyone I loved, and now I was scared that was going to happen for real.

 Canary placed a hand on my other knee that was not up. "I know it's hard for you to trust, and once you trust someone, you care for them very deeply. Seeing all the people you care for disintegrate before you, that must've been your worst nightmare. But think of the exercise as just a nightmare, it wasn't real, it never happened."

 "Then why did it feel so real to me?" I whispered. 

 "Because that's your greatest fear; losing everything and everyone you love. Think of the exercise as facing your fears. You may not have gotten over your fear completely, but you've faced it once, so you know how to feel if it happens again."

 I finally looked up at Canary, and I saw her giving me a small smile. I stood and gave Black Canary a tight hug. She was right, she's always right about these things. I may not be completely patched together yet, but I'm getting there. I hope that everyone else will soon be themselves again soon. 

A/N. Sorry it's so short guys since it's mostly about Superboy and New Genesis and all that jazz. But, I hope you all still like it. It's not my best, but it's not my worst. Comment and vote. Bye for now -Anna