Servienne (LGBT)

9-Frustrations

A/N: Found this online. The photo is SORT OF what the fashion would be, but imagine like 1700s in modern-esque style. Like, Aaron's justacorps was like this, but the sleeves were not there at all. I suppose it's like 50s gang vests and stuff meets 1700s fine clothing. I'll sketch out my vision of the fashion myself once I get the time, but I just wanted to explain this so you could imagine Aaron's clothing more accurately.

Anywho, enjoy!

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   He couldn't breathe when he saw others. He couldn't think when they asked him questions. Aaron just kept wondering in paranoia, Do they know? Did any of them know what had happened, waiting to sneak it on him? Perhaps he felt that way because it was all he could think about, so he assumed it was what others were thinking about too.

  It had been merely two days and yet he still felt himself spiraling, unable to act without feeling on edge. His whole body felt hot whenever he even pictured the color green, green like Noll's eyes. It made him sweat all over nervously, but also started a pounding in his veins akin to that of anticipation. He was a mess.

  He felt numb when word was sent that Princess Eugenia would be staying for a little while at the castle on official business. He had almost forgotten who that was for a moment before it came back to him. That was the person he was supposed to marry, the person he was meant to love. Not a man. When she came he was told, but he did not come from his room. Almost no one had seen him in those two days. He couldn't let people see him losing his grip like that.

  When the knock came on the door, he did not answer. When the knocking came again, silence. A soft, light voice trilled from the other side. "Aaron?" It was Eugenia, of course, already peeking her head through the door without an invitation, and when he looked over boredly from his desk, dress shirt mused and unbuttoned, her curly brown hair was the first thing he could see before her little blue eyes landed wide and shocked on him. She was attractive and cute, dress grand and colorful; she stepped through the door, small and petite and shy. Others called her captivating, but to him, it was just an average beauty, only amplified to others because of her status. Her pale skin lit up red in her face, and he couldn't help but feel a little bit amused by her embarrassment. She covered her face. "Why do you not have proper clothing on? How impolite!" She exclaimed. To that, Aaron frowned, narrowing his eyes. "You invaded my privacy without waiting for an answer and you're calling me impolite? If I wanted your company, I would have invited you in. Begone, Eugenia; I spent a month smiling for you, I am tired and still waning off my sickness."

  "Yes, I heard you have been ill. Are you feeling alright, dear? I was so terribly worried! My little Aaron, sick? They made it sound like you were to die!" Aaron couldn't help it when his eye twitched. He had just said he wasn't alright, so why was she asking more questions and making him feel worse? He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Yes, I am fine, Eugenia. Now if you'll excuse me, on my father's orders, I must take it easy and heal--"

  "Ah, yes! My purpose for being here! Your father, he wants me to spend time with you. He said you could use the company, since you don't like anyone else's." Trust me, I don't like your company, either, he thought to himself bitterly. Of course his father would do something like that, not realizing that by doing so, it would make him feel worse. Was it true what his father had said, then? Did he hate people that much that he liked no one's company? No, that wasn't true. He liked his father's company, Gertrude's company, his old friends' company, Noll's--he stopped himself from thinking that thought, knowing what it would mean if he did. Aaron sighed. "Fine, just..." Now Noll had come back to his thoughts, and he felt himself spiraling again. He had to forget about Noll. He couldn't have distractions. He couldn't let this consume him--he wouldn't!

  Aaron looked up at Eugenia. He was normal. He was not attracted like that to men. He was expected to be that certain way: to marry and love a woman, to be powerful, be king. That's what he was supposed to do, but somehow, all of that was being taken from his bowl. He had no slips of paper choices left to pull on what he should do next. He was at a loss.

    Unless. Unless he could convince himself otherwise, that he was completely normal. He had to confirm.

  He sighed deeply. "I appreciate your company, Eugenia. You could never trouble me." It almost felt nice to tell a straight lie like that, but he bit back the venom he wished to hiss while speaking it. "Perhaps you could take a walk with me?" He offered, standing, buttoning his shirt. Eugenia shook her head. "You look like a mess, Aaron," She said. He scoffed under his breath. Of course she would insist to him dressing in full garb. So he did, gold and all. He went to his closet and put on a no-sleeved justacorps with a dress shirt underneath, loose trousers and high boots to match, all in gold and red as he preferred. He smoothed back his hair before stepping out, sighing heavily. When he looked up at her, a large smile played across her face. He just ignored it, offering his arm. She took it and they headed out to the halls. They wandered for a while, speaking about mundane, boring things like aristocrats usually did--economics, politics, new styles, books, the arts, etcetera.

  Eventually, they headed out to the bench that overlooked the lake, sitting down to chat. This felt right. This is how it was supposed to be. Everything felt... Calm. When he looked over to her--to admire her dark brown hair, her round, cute face--he had been expecting her to be looking out over the water, but instead, she was looking straight at him.

  "What?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "You really do look like a king right now," She whispered. His eyes widened as he stared at her in shock. He could feel his skin heating up. He reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek. Eugenia stared back, her face tinted with blush. "Aaron..." She said softly, but made no objections as he brought his face closer, pressing their lips together ever-so-slightly, withdrawing and looking into her face. They stared at each other in surprise. Eventually, Aaron let a smile spread across his face to break the tension. Eugenia followed suit. They laughed together, standing to head back inside, continuing to chat and smile and be themselves until they came to her room. He wished her farewell, pecking her cheek before heading off to his own room, a smile across his face. That was how it was supposed to be, he and Eugenia together. He was supposed to be in a happy relationship with a woman. He looked happy.

   But once he closed the door, he collapsed to his knees, trembling, tears pouring down his face, touching his lips, a sob leaving his mouth. Nothing. He had felt nothing. He felt not a spark, not a trace of arousal, nothing. It felt wrong. Aaron brought his knees to his chest, sobbing in the dimness.

  After what must have been hours, a light knock came to the door. He had moved to his bed, gazing outside of the window, having taken off the fancy clothes to leave him in just a dress shirt and short trousers. He had requested nothing and it was not any mealtime, so he knew exactly what it was. He said nothing, but he knew the other person would enter just the same. The door creaked open, and the person stepped in, silent. Aaron, sitting on the edge of the bed, continued staring out the window mostly covered in drapes, leaving the room coated in darkness. "Aaron," He heard from the other side of the room. "I..."

    "Just get out, Noll. I can't do this right now." He said, his voice cracking. Noll took a step forwards. "Aaron--"

   "Get out!" Aaron shouted, getting to his feet, swinging his fist out to punch the wall behind him hard, staring at Noll, his eyes filled with fury, terror, and misery. "Get out and don't come back!"