Freaks

12 • reasons (pt. 1)

❝be messy and complicated and afraid, and show up anyways❞
ｇｌｅｎｎｏｎ ｄｏｙｌｅ ｍｅｌｔｏｎ

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ＩＴ would have been nice to say that after Friday's episode, things were all sunshine and rainbows from there.

Suffice to say, things weren't.

Logan's idea had been reluctantly accepted by the team for no other reason than lack of time, and then proposed to Redmond (who had no choice but to let us keep it without implying it had an alternative meaning and thus creating a bigger deal out of it). However, all sense of civility dropped that Friday evening the moment we left the Dome.

It didn't take long at all before the team were at war with each other again. Having resorted back to their original 'glare, glower, ignore' game, I was only grateful I still had Valerie to hang out with.

Out of the whole team, she was the least involved with the feud, considering she had only befriended Markus and Willow after their big fight with Cass and Logan. Of course, she still had the occasional clash with Markus, but it was nothing compared to the arguments between Willow and Cass. For a while, tensions had increased so much that even Logan and Markus stopped talking to each other.

This had only lasted the weekend, but it was enough to distract me from almost doing an equally important task that had been assigned to me: completing Horowitz' list of Reasons Not To Use My Powers.

"It was a bit difficult at first," I admit to the Professor, not elaborating that part of the reason behind this being I had done half of them in between periods 4 and 5 earlier that day. Professor Horowitz takes the small notebook from me with a small nod and urges me to continue speaking.

"But after a while," I continue, "it became easier. But then I realised, the more I wrote, the less I could think of. And the less I thought about it, really. And it made me realise- that's the point of the exercise, isn't it?"

Professor Horowitz lowers the book down slightly to give me a puzzled look. "What?"

"You're using this to tell me that I have nothing to fear about my powers. It's just all in my head, and the only barrier between me being able to control them is me worrying about it. I just need to let go and stop thinking about the worst. Because after all... what is the worst that can go wrong?"

"That..." Horowitz says slowly, eyebrows furrowed, "is not what I meant at all."

My face drops. "It's not?"

Horowitz notes the disappointment in my eyes. I had been so sure of my answer. He sighs. Then he takes of his glasses, massaging the bridge of his nose. Then he stares at me and sighs again.

"Look, Emma," he says, placing his frames back on. "What you said was nice, sure. But you and I know it isn't true."

I scrunch my nose. Nice?

"Life isn't a cakewalk," he continues. "Things don't happen the way we want. I meant what I said, I wanted a list of reasons why you shouldn't use your abilities, because they are endless. There's so many you do have here: you could get abducted, experiment on as a weapon. You could be abused or tortured, simply for being different. Your family could be taken away from you and endangered. In fact, you could endanger them. You could be responsible for hurting them. For all you know, one day, everything will burn around you and all you'll be able to do is watch while everyone and anything you've ever loved dies in front of your eyes."