You may have a certain issue. You have a problem that make people think you're psycho. The problem is you'll hold feelings in until you can't anymore. You'll let them out in the worst way possible. You scream and cry, your heart beats fast and you can't breathe. You hurt people you never wanted to hurt and you want them to leave but also want them to hold you. You try your hardest to calm down but once you hit that point where you feel tears coming up, you can't move...you can't speak. If you can't breathe then you can't speak. You can't get up because you can't see through the tears. Why are you crying? You don't know why and that scares you more. You try to hide your tears in your knees because you can't handle people telling you to calm down. The emotions overflow your lungs and you scream silently. All that comes out is a breath and your tears go down your throat. Seriously, why are you freaking out? You try to ask the teacher if you can go to the office. They can't understand you but they tell you to go to the office because you're crying.
You get to the office and you sit down trying to stay calm. You can't handle all of the noise around you. You start to cry and scream and no one can control you. People walk away from you thinking you're a psychopath whilst you're far from it. There's one person that can comfort you because they can see the true fear in your eyes. They can see that you have no idea what's happening. They give you what you need, they hand you a water. They run their hands through your hair and kiss your head because they know it makes you feel safe. That person is the one person that can look into your eyes and know that you need to be held because you're broken inside. They know that you're not faking the mental illnesses or the voices. Then, that person walks away. You're now broken and you've forgotten how to hide it because that person held you together. You spend your nights awake thinking of how someone could possibly do that to you. How they could be the pillar holding you up but they left and left your building shattered.
I don't know how I've had so many of these people. I've learned to only trust people if they've seen you break down and still love you after. That my loves, is true friendship.
