You think you have someone that'll make everything okay. You fear that that person will abandon you. You fear their loss because they're too nice to you. They love you and treat you like no one ever has. What could be possibly wrong with them? Oh yeah, they leave. They leave you as a hopeless little piece of paper. You'll be torn easily and ripped apart by the smallest things life will give you. You feel like you have to stay strong for this person. They can never see your nightly tears. They can't possibly bear hearing about the voices in your head. The thought of them accepting that is just out of this world. Everytime you tell someone about the voices, they call 911 and run away from you. The next day, they act as if they've never met you. The fear of telling someone about the true you. There is a 99% chance they'll leave. Then, you meet that 1% that will stay with you. Then you keep talking to them and you feel like you can't tell them anything more. That is because you've told them too much and one little thing will make them leave you forever.
You meet one person that makes you so vulnerable. You tell them everything piled on everything about you. You tell them about your breakdowns, your abuse, your self harm, your rape, and your voices. So, why are they still here? Are they waiting to blackmail you? Do they want to know everything about you so then they can tell everyone? No, they love you. Not the love that you think of, actual love. The love that no one can ever describe. You have a mental illness that they'll never understand. You have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This keeps you paranoid so you can never trust anyone you date. You never like to watch them eat or drive or anything because you're scared they'll die. You never know why you have these thoughts, but you love someone enough that these thoughts take over. You stare at them when they eat to make sure they won't choke. People say that it's because you feel the desire to protect. It's not even close. It's all a mystery and you can't ever fall in love. Your true love will never understand.
