They say that your scars are beautiful yet you spend hours staring at them. You show them to people and that person looks at you like you're insane. People see them and think you're seeking attention. The fact that someone can judge you for something that's happened in your past. You don't do it anymore so why would they feel the need to judge? They're the type of people that judge for no reason. They don't know the amount of pain you put yourself through to even look at your scars. The amount of fear you possess whenever someone asks you what the scars are from. You can't tell them the truth about where they're from because they'll see you as weak. You can't stand to be seen as weak for something you did a year ago. People see them and they immediatly feel bad. you always try to hide the scars for this reason. You wear long sleeves to cover your arms, you never show your stomach, you never wear shorts to avoid people seeing your thighs. The amount of trust you have in someone is amazing to bear even showing them. You always avoid showing people unless you can absolutely trust them. The person you show never understand the amount of trust you have in them. They don't know how much you could possibly love them to show them the scars.
You try to explain the stories of the scars. You try to explain that the voices got too much power and they told you to do it. You try to explain how the physical pain took from your emotional pain and you grew addicted to the endorphins that were released in your head from the pain. I never personally enjoy telling people this. People usually push you away because of the honest to god truth. They call you a psychopath and tell you to kill yourself. Then, you find that one special person. That person will accept all your problems and understand your past. They try their hardest to make you feel special and make you feel protected. Maybe this person is the only one to understand you. Maybe they truly do love you.
