All the Time in the World (English)

Chapter 4 - 2016

The water was warm and perfectly transparent, as pure as it could have been the water of a spring.
Guy put his hand under the stream, as if he wanted to make sure it was real, then he shut the tap as one of the nurses taught him.
Of all the strange things surrounding him, that room was undoubtedly the most interesting.
A simple touch was enough to have clean water at will, hot or cold, without any servant losing time to take it from the wells or the river and to boil it on the fire, and then there was a kind of latrine, completely different from the horrible and fetid ones of the castle.
The nurse who had patiently explained him how to use the objects in that room, had also shown him how the transparent cabin that occupied one of the corners of the room worked, running a jet of water to wash a person's body without having to use a basin or to fill a tub. The man had told him that he would have to wait for his wounds to be healed before he could use the shower, but the sink with his warm, clear water was a good improvement over the ewers and the basins he was used to.
Guy leaned on the sink to keep his balance and he closed his eyes for a moment.
In the last few days he had begun to get up for longer periods of time, and he managed to walk into the room without too much trouble, but he still felt weak and sometimes he felt dizzy when he was standing for too long.
He leaned forward and breathed slowly for a while until he felt better, then he looked up and stared at his image in the mirror: he was always the same, but he seemed to have changed too, like the whole world around him did. The reflected image was clear and precise, not as blurry as the one in the mirror in his room at Locksley, and it allowed him to see himself in every detail, from the small scar that he had on the forehead since the illness he got when he was a child that had filled his body and Isabella's with little blisters, to the thin mark that Robin Hood's dagger had left on his cheek.
On his cheekbone, just beneath the eye, the slight trace of a nearly faded scar was visible, the cut caused by Marian's punch when she had left him at the altar...
Guy touched that little trace of her, and he thought that by now this too was fading. Soon the only woman he had ever loved would be nothing more than a memory.
She forgave you...
Guy clung to the words Robin had told him in a dream, praying that they were true. He didn't deserve forgiveness, he didn't deserve pity for destroying her, but knowing that she was in peace and happy with her true love was at the same time a torment and a consolation.
Even if she was still alive she would never love him, Guy had finally realized it, but he would gladly sacrifice all the time he still had to live only to hold her in a last hug, to receive forgiveness from her lips and to hear from her that everything would be all right.
But it was an impossible wish and he knew it: he was alone and lost in a world he didn't understand.
He looked into the mirror, wondering how he looked to the eyes of the others.
Once the villagers had feared him, they were frightened by his presence and they retreated when he arrived, but now the people who took care of him treated him kindly and with extreme caution, as if they feared they could hurt him, as if he were more fragile than he really was.
He was weak because of the wounds and he struggled to understand a good part of what he saw, but some of those healers talked to him as if he were a small child or a fool who had completely lost his mind. When he had told them to stop treating him like an idiot, they simply apologized and wrote something in the dossier they always had on hand every time they had to deal with him.
Guy wondered if those apologies were true or if they were simply indulging him to avoid a conflict.
He touched the mirror with a sigh.
"Am I out of my mind? Is that why everything looks so different?"
But everything that surrounded him was too real and too solid to be born from the delusions of a madman.
When he had killed Marian, for a long time he had the impression that he could see her ghost, that he could hear her accusations.
Whatever he did, he saw her next to him, ready to point her ghastly finger at him. And at night, when he closed his eyes, exhausted after another day of anguish, the demons who were lurking in the shadows came, ready to tear his soul with their claws.
Those were the nightmares of a madman, confused and broken thoughts that prevented him from doing anything.
For days, after killing her, he had been staring at the void, forgetting to eat or to wash up, lost in his nightmares, and if the sheriff didn't order to the guards to take care of him, Guy would probably have died because he simply had no reason to keep living.
But now he was able to think coherently, his thoughts didn't follow the fragmented rhythm of a delusion. He was confused and frightened by everything he saw and his heart was plagued by thinking of everything he had lost, the people he loved, and who he would never see it again, but he didn't believe to be gone mad.
Robin Hood was dead, now he was certain of that. He felt it in his heart, and the dream he had was only a further confirmation.
What he couldn't imagine was that he would have missed the outlaw so much, that his death would grieve him so gravely.
They had been hating and fighting each other for years, and, throughout their lives, each one had taken away something that was very dear to the other, but in the end Robin was close to him.
As a friend.
Like a brother.
Every time Guy named Robin Hood, doctors and nurses looked at each other with puzzled and worried eyes, as if they knew something they didn't want to tell him.
Gisborne decided that he should insist, forcing them somehow to confess the truth, but he didn't know how to do it.
They were all kind to him: they took care of his injuries and tried to support his needs and to put him at ease, but he had the impression that if he should try to get away from his room, they would stop him. They would say he had to stay there for his own good and maybe they were right. He could not cope with that absurd world alone, but in fact he was like a prisoner. To provoke his jailers without a valid reason would be silly.
And where could he go when he didn't have even his own clothes? They had taken them off when they rescued him and they had only given him some undergarments and a sort of nightgown that had been practical when he was forced to stay in bed, but that now was quite uncomfortable and somewhat ridiculous. That clothing made him feel uncomfortably vulnerable.
Someone knocked on the bathroom door, taking him away from his thoughts.
"Guy? Is everything alright?"
It was Dr. Little's voice, one of the healers who took care of him and perhaps the one who had the most patience in answering his questions and explaining to him the things he couldn't understand by himself.
Another advantage of staying in that room was that the others didn't come inside suddenly when he was there, but they just knocked and made sure that he didn't have any problems. It was a sort of safe haven where he could hide when things became too hard to bear or when the doctors asked him too many questions.
He had learned that it was enough to say he had to go to the bathroom, and the others let him go without asking anything and without disturbing him.
At that moment he didn't feel the need to remain alone, so he half opened the door and peered out of the crack before opening it completely. The doctor was alone, not accompanied by other doctors or nurses.
The woman smiled at him.
"Good morning, Guy. How do you feel today? Can I check your wounds?"
Guy nodded and sat on the bed, staring at the ground to conceal the embarrassment he felt. Alicia had told him that seeing her patients' bodies was part of her job and that he had no reason to be embarrassed. Also, unlike the earlier days, he was wearing at least undergarments, but he couldn't help but blush when the woman lifted his shirt to change the dressings and to look at the wound.
The doctor worked fast and efficiently, aware of her patient's discomfort.
"It seems to me that everything is fine. Do you feel pain?"
"No, not much. Only if I do certain movements."
The doctor smiled at him.
"Don't do them, then."
A smile flickered at the corner of Guy's mouth and the doctor was pleased to see him a bit more serene than usual.
"I brought you something to wear instead of the hospital gown."
"My clothes?"
"I'm afraid not. The police took them, they have to examine them to figure out what happened to you."
"I told them what happened to me. Many times. Don't they believe me?"
"They have to do their own investigations, don't take this the wrong way," Alicia handed him a paper bag. "But now try these and see if they fit fine. You are a tall boy, I hope I didn't choose the wrong size."
"Boy? At my age?"
The doctor smiled.
"For one of my age you are. Grant some liberty to an old lady."
Guy gave her an amused look, but he took the bag and went back to the bathroom. In the bag there were a pair of black soft pants, some short-sleeved t-shirts made of a lighter material and a sort of jacket, open on the front, made of the same material of the pants.
Guy wondered why the pants had no laces to close them, but when touched them, he realized that the material around the waist was elastic, similar to that of the underwear they had given to him. He slipped them on without much difficulty, being only careful to keep the elastic from touching the wounds, then he wore one of the t-shirts, choosing a black one, and the jacket of the tracksuit, leaving it open because he didn't see laces or buckles to close it.
Before returning to his room, Guy looked into the mirror for a moment: they weren't the clothes he was used to, but they were already an improvement over the hospital gown and they made him feel a bit less vulnerable.
When Guy returned to his room, Alicia approved with a smile.
"They seem fine. Is the elastic of the sweatpants too tight? Does it bother you?"
"No. In fact, maybe it's a bit loose."
The doctor looked at the medical record.
"Guy, do you eat enough?"
"I'm not very hungry. And then..."
"What?"
"I don't even know what they give to me. Food has a strange taste. If I don't know what flavor it should have, how can I figure out if it's safe to eat it?"
"What do you mean?"
"In times of famine, or during the winter, the cooks of the castle were forced to use the ingredients they had in the pantry, and they weren't always well preserved. Sometimes the meat was too old and moldy, and for fear of not being able to serve anything at the sheriff's table, cooks often cooked even the spoiled ingredients. And then there is always the danger of poison: if I notice that the taste of a food is different from usual, I don't trust to eat that food without first giving it to one of the servants."
Alicia looked at him, astonished, but she smiled at him.
"I can assure you that the hospital's food may not taste good, but it's perfectly safe. The ingredients are of good quality and no one wants to poison you. Try to eat the meals they give to you, you need to recover your strength. And if you have any doubt about the ingredients, just ask."
"I'll try."
The doctor smiled at him, then she returned serious, with a small sigh.
"Guy, I have to ask you some questions, can you try to answer me honestly?"
"I never lied to you."
"Can you tell me your real name?"
Guy frowned.
"You know it already. Guy of Gisborne."
"Listen to me, maybe you're afraid that we could denounce you to the authorities, maybe you did something wrong, but it's important that we contact your family to help you in the best way. You can trust us."
"But it's obvious you do not trust me!" Guy looked at her, hurt by those words. "I never lied to you. Never!"
"But maybe you told us what you want to believe. Your mind might have deceived your for some reason, causing you to believe that you belong to the legend of Robin Hood. But maybe if you try to remember, your true name might come to your mind..."
"My real name is the one I kept repeating: Guy Crispin of Gisborne. And why do you talk about Robin like that?!"
"Like what?"
"As if you all have a secret you want to keep hidden from me. You always give me strange looks whenever I talk about him, why?"
The doctor stared at him for a moment without saying anything. She was sure that Guy wasn't lying and she wondered what she should do.
The examinations hadn't detected any damage or brain anomalies in Guy, and when she talked to him she had noticed that he was lucid and coherent, that he showed curiosity and intelligence and that he was capable of complex reasoning.
If it wasn't for his frequent mentions of Robin Hood, Alicia would think that he was perfectly normal, traumatized by the accident but in his right mind.
Alicia made a decision, hoping that it was the right one. She knew that before taking the initiative she should have consulted her colleagues, and probably asked for a psychiatric consultation, but if she should entrust him to another department, she'd have the impression of betraying his trust.
She took a chair and sat in front of him, looking into his eyes.
"Because it isn't possible, Guy. You can't have met Robin Hood."
Gisborne looked at her, offended.
"Are you calling me a liar? Robin held me in my arms when I was dying, he tried to make my last moments serene even though he was dying too, and you tell me that it isn't true? That am I making everything up?!"
"When did all this happen?"
"A few days ago, when I was hurt."
Alicia picked up an object from her purse and placed it in his hands.
"So, how can you explain this to me?"
Guy looked at the object and saw that it was a book. It was very different from the ones he had seen in the past, but unequivocally a book.
The canvas cover was a bit consumed and ruined by age and it looked like it had been read many times. Guy looked better at it and he was surprised to see the drawing of an archer wearing green clothes on the cover, and the title "Robin Hood" printed in golden letters.
Guy stared at the doctor.
"What does it mean?"
"You have to explain it to me, Guy. I read this book when I was a kid and Robin Hood is a hero of the past, an ancient legend. How could you be with him just a few days ago? Maybe you've read this book too, and the accident has confused your mind, making you believe that those stories were real memories."
"No! I know Robin! Do you want to deceive me, by chance?"
"Open the book. Look at the date and see when it was printed, it's written right here, 1972. How can I fool you if that book was printed over forty years ago?"
Alicia pointed out the date, but Guy shook his head, stubbornly.
"It doesn't make sense. That date can't be right."
"Why not?"
"Why? Are you making fun of me? You said 1972."
"Indeed. I told you, it was published forty-four years ago."
"But we're in 1194!"
"Guy, this is 2016. Now you see why you can't have possibly met Robin Hood?"
Gisborne rose to his feet.
"No! You're lying! You are saying these things only to confuse me!"
He turned to Alicia and he opened the door of the room, venturing into the corridor. Out there, there were more noises and strange objects, but Guy wasn't intimidated: he saw a ramp of descending stairs and headed towards it at a fast pace, even though the effort made him feel dizzy.
"Guy! Wait, Guy! Where are you going?!" The doctor followed him, anxiously.
"Away from here! I don't know what purpose you have, but I won't listen to your absurd lies! You want to make me think that I'm crazy, but I know I'm not, not to so much that I can believe such absurdities, at least!"
Alicia was forced to run to keep up with him, and for a moment she thought to call the security to stop him, but she rejected that idea: her patient was too agitated and he wouldn't react well. She was also worried about his health, he had not yet recovered sufficiently to keep that pace for a long time.
"I swear to you that we just want the best for you, Guy."
"The best for me is to return to Sherwood Forest, to my friends! Maybe Robin is dead, but Archer isn't, and even the other outlaws are alive. You can't stop me, unless you want to lock me in a dungeon!"
Alicia decided to make a bet with fate.
"Alright then," she said quietly. "If you wish so, go. That door leads outside. It would be wiser for you to come back in a few days to have your wounds checked, but you will not die otherwise."
Guy stopped to look at her, astonished.
"Won't you try to stop me?"
"Probably I'll end up in trouble with the police, but you're an adult man, I can't stop you from leaving. Go, if that's what you want."
Gisborne headed for the door, but his pace was less secure than before: he had expected to have to fight, but no one seemed to want to stop him.
He pushed the door and he went outside.