All the Time in the World (English)

Chapter 21 - A Secret and a Pact

Only once in his life Guy had felt so overwhelmed by his emotions that he couldn't even think, and it had happened in a incredibly similar situation, when Marian had suddenly kissed him.
At that moment Gisborne had completely forgotten the existence of the rest of the world, he had disregarded the orders of the sheriff, who had sent for him, and he had ignored Robin Hood, for once helpless and vulnerable. For him there had been only Marian and the sweet warmth of her soft lips.
When the kiss was over, however, the girl had pulled back, saying that it was too soon after her father's death, and that her gesture had been a mistake.
Miriam, too, Guy was sure of it, would turn away and perhaps she would blame him for taking the initiative, but now the only thing that mattered was her soft, warm body tightly held in his arms, his lips pressed against hers.
They parted after a while, out of breath, and Guy waited for the painful moment in which he would see regret and disgust in the girl's eyes, but Miriam stared at him without looking away, her face illuminated by a small amused smile.
"Oh, I didn't expect this... You're not so shy, then!"
Guy couldn't say anything and he just stood looking at her, confused and excited, while the girl came out of the rink and began to untie her skates to put her shoes back on.
Miriam glanced at him, raising her head from the too tight knot she was trying to loosen and she smiled again, noticing his expression and his flushed cheeks that had nothing to do with the cold.
"Or maybe you are? Or do you already regret kissing me?"
Guy looked at her, alarmed.
"No! It's the most perfect thing that could happen! But maybe... maybe I shouldn't have..."
Miriam burst out laughing.
"It's not very professional, I admit it, but if you don't tell anyone, I won't tell either. So, do we have an agreement?"
Guy nodded, not knowing what to think. Miriam didn't seem angry or disgusted, but had she been thrilled in his same way or had she considered that kiss just as the impulsive gesture of a poor idiot, to be tolerated with amused pity, like a child's whim?
"Guy?"
The girl's voice forced him to put aside his thoughts and to look at her: Miriam was staring at him, and smiled, a little embarrassed.
"I can't undo this knot, I think it's too tight, can you help me?"
Gisborne knelt before her, grateful for that diversion. An inextricable knot was a simple problem to face, and it would allow him to take back at least some control on his emotions. It would also postpone the moment of doubts, questions and guilt.
He concentrated on the knot, trying not to think about how close he was to Miriam and how perfect it had been to hold her in his arms. After a while, he managed to undo the knot and the girl hurried to remove the skate and to put the shoe back, leaning a hand on Guy's shoulder so she wouldn't lose her balance.
"Thanks, I would have spent an eternity to succeed. Even after three years I still have some difficulties with precision work."
"After three years since what?" Guy asked, perplexed, and the girl gave him an amazed look.
"Don't you know? I thought they told you."
"What?"
"The reason why I'm one of the people assigned to your case."
Guy got up from the ground and shook his head.
"I don't know anything about you."
"Yet you look at me as if you've known me for a lifetime."
Gisborne found nothing to answer those words, but he didn't need to say anything because Miriam continued to speak.
"I am not a psychologist or even a social worker, I have a different task in the association. See, I'm a kind of bridge."
"What do you mean?"
"Three years ago I was in your same situation, in fact, perhaps my conditions were worse than yours. They told me that you think you lived in the Middle Ages and that you have the memories of a knight, isn't it?"
Guy nodded weakly, looking down.
"You'll think I'm crazy..."
"Why should I? You at least have some memories, a base from which to start. I didn't remember anything, as if I had been born at that moment."
"Really?"
"I had to learn everything, even the simplest things, but as you can see now I have my life and my work. If they accept you in the program, one of my tasks will be to help you learn what you need, just as someone taught me in the past. I believe that my work also consists in making an example when some patient feels discouraged: I seemed a desperate case, but I managed to have a life almost completely normal and if I did it, there is hope for anyone."
"What happened to you?" Guy asked, though fearing her answer, but Miriam looked at him with a cheeky smile and shook her head.
"If I tell you all about me right away, then you'll find me boring."
Guy found himself smiling.
"Oh, I don't think there's this danger."
"Anyway I won't tell you, at least for the moment. Some mystery is more fun, don't you think?"
"But you have a lot of information about me, it doesn't seem right."
"They only informed me of what you told the doctors, but I bet you have so many other secrets I know nothing about."
Guy thought it best that many of his secrets remained such, but he didn't say it and he answered the girl in the same playful tone used by her. Marian had never joked with him and instead it was incredibly pleasant to be able to talk to Miriam in that relaxed way.
Perhaps it depended on her work, but Miriam managed to make him feel at ease despite the many conflicting emotions triggered by her proximity.
"What do you propose, then?" He asked, giving her an amused look.
"Let's do this: every time we meet, I'll ask you a question and you'll ask one to me and we'll both have to answer honestly. But think carefully about what to ask because we can only ask one a day. Are you up for this?"
Miriam held out a hand and Guy shook it, thinking how much that simple gesture had upset him only a few days ago.
"Now I really have to go!" Miriam exclaimed lively, looking at the watch on her wrist. "But don't forget that we have an agreement and a secret. See you soon, Guy!"
The girl said him goodbye, and she walked away a few steps, then she stopped, seized by an afterthought. She turned to him, hurried back and threw her arms around his neck, standing on tiptoe to kiss him again.
Guy staggered, taken aback by that sudden hug, but he pulled her to him, responding to the kiss. Then, too soon, the girl broke away from him.
"This is to make sure you won't forget our secret," she said, with a satisfied smile, then she ran away, disappearing in the crowd.
Guy watched her as she walked away, almost stunned, unable to think consistently and he continued to stare at the girl's red woolen hat until it disappeared in the crowd.
Only then, the spell seemed to break and Guy began to realize what had happened and what he had done.
He had kissed Miriam, against all logic, and she, instead of withdrawing indignantly, had returned his kiss and gave him another of her own free will.
Guy couldn't understand what he felt.
Hugging the girl had been beautiful, a kind of dream that had come true after an endless wait, but his feelings filled his heart with exaltation and guilt in the same way.
Miriam was identical to Marian, but was it really her, or did she only resemble her?
Kissing her was in any case a betrayal of someone.
If she was a different person, he had just kissed a woman who wasn't the love of his life, trampling her memory, but if instead, thanks to some miracle, Miriam was really Marian, his gesture had been a betrayal of both Robin and the girl.
Marian loved the outlaw, Guy was now fully aware of it, and if she had forgotten him because she had lost his memory, kissing her wasn't right and Guy had no right to do so.
Gisborne leaned against the rail of the skating rink with one hand, trying to breathe deeply while with the other he pressed the scar on his stomach, to stifle a sudden twinge.
He had to calm down, he shouldn't to panic or he would end up feeling the terrible pain of a few days ago.
"Guy!"
Alicia joined him and put a hand on his shoulder, worried.
Gisborne winced at her touch and turned to look at her.
The woman noticed that his face was red and his eyes were bright with tears and she stroked his cheek to feel if he had a fever. It seemed cool, but she felt him tremble under her fingers.
"What happened, honey? Are you feeling ill? Is there too much commotion? I shouldn't have left you alone for so long, I'm so sorry, I found a queue for the toilet..."
She stopped because Guy suddenly hugged her with a sort of sob.
"Hey, what's up? What happened? Calm down, now I'm here, whatever it is we'll find a solution."
Gisborne shook his head.
"I think I made a huge mistake, Alicia. It's wrong, it's all completely wrong, but I think I would do the exact same thing even now... I don't know if there is a solution, I don't know what to do... I don't want to do any more damage!"
"Wait. You have to calm down or you'll be ill again."
"How can I calm down?!"
"Did you kill someone while I was in the toilet?"
Guy stared at her, baffled by that brutal question.
"No but..."
"Good. Now listen to me: now we'll look for a quiet place to sit down, we'll order a tea or a hot chocolate and some sweets and then, while we eat, you can tell me everything, with calm. If nobody is dead, for the rest we can find a solution. Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Then stop worrying and come."
Alicia took his hand and Guy let himself be guided by her, relieved that someone else would take the lead and tell him what to do.
The doctor moved away from the crowd and she went into the side streets, looking for a suitable place. She chose a small, but not too quiet place, where they could talk in peace without being disturbed, and she ordered tea and sweets for them both.
While waiting to be served, Guy apologized to Alicia, got up from the table and hurriedly disappeared behind the bathroom door. The doctor stared at the door anxiously, remembering what had happened the last time he'd fled like that. She had almost decided to go knocking to make sure that he was feeling well, when the door opened again and Guy returned to the table and sat down in front of her, with a sigh.
Alicia looked at him: the knight had a worried expression on his face and the tips of his hair were a bit wet, as if he had washed his face without paying too much attention not to get wet, but he seemed a little calmer than before. He sat, dejectedly, and looked down as if he felt guilty for some reason.
"I'm sorry, Alicia, I..."
She poured tea into a cup, dropped a few sugar cubes in it, and pushed the cup toward him.
"First drink some tea. Then eat a cookie. No, take at least two of them. Then we'll talk."
Guy obeyed her without protesting and Alicia saw him relax a bit while he ate the cookies and drank the hot tea. She took a sip too, then she set the cup down on the table and looked Guy in the eye.
"Now tell me what you did."
"I promised not to tell anyone, but I don't want to have secrets with you..."
Alicia nodded, struck by how much Guy trusted her.
"Whatever you tell me, we'll keep it between you and me."
"I know."
Guy was silent for a few seconds and Alicia waited patiently, wondering why he had blushed. She touched his hand to encourage him, and Guy took a deep breath before deciding to continue.
"While you were away, I met Miriam White," he said, without looking up from the cup of tea and Alicia understood why even though looking confused and terrified, Guy also seemed so excited.
"At the skating rink?"
"Yes."
"Did you talk to her?"
"I kissed her," he confessed guiltily, but he couldn't hide a smile. "And she kissed me."