Chapter 51 - A Letter To Ianto

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A/N: Sorry in advance. I was listening to lots of sad music, including Dear John by Kirsty MacColl and Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me by The Smiths, so there are direct referances to the songs.

Jack’s POV

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Oh, Dear Ianto.

This is the letter no-one ever wants to write.
And this is the last letter I will ever write you.
If only I wasn't such a coward, you would know what that really means.
If I had known you would rule my heart like this, would I have tried to stop myself from falling for you? I doubt it. The pleasure is worth the pain.

I called Rihannon today. She blames me. And I blame myself.

I’ve broken you, Ianto. Your life was almost perfect before you met me. You had Lisa. You had a family. You had a job, until Torchwood One fell. And I took that all away. I shot Lisa, gave you no free time to see your family and severed our ties to Torchwood One. And now you’re in a hospital bed wrapped in cotton wool with no memory of anything.

If I vanished from your life, would you miss me? All I ever do is hurt you. It would be painful for me, but your life would be better.

I should do what I did with the old Companions; watch you from a distance, make sure you’re ok? Send an anonymous card each Christmas; try to forget how it felt. Should I try and move on, ignore the pain, let you live your life to the fullest without me in the picture?

Last night I dreamt that you hadn’t lost your memory. You put your arms around me and told me that everything would be ok. Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.

This is the letter no-one ever wants to read.

I’m sorry, Ianto. I’m so, so sorry.

I will always love you,

Boe

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