Numb Pain

Chapter 9

BONUS CHAPTER! Next update at 14 votes. Please vote and comment <3

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I sit up immediately but the sudden weight in my head drags me back down, and the doctor places a hand on my shoulder, throwing a look that I can only associate with the way an onlooker pities a sad puppy. One word reiterates itself in my head, constantly, relentlessly calling me to speak it.

"Ethan..." I mutter, and when the doctor looks at me questioningly, I repeat it louder, my voice more in control.

"Ethan!" The look in my eyes is desperate as I search the hospital room for his handsome figure, though I know he is miles away. Jai walks back in, the look of concern from before in his eyes replaced with that dangerous glint.

"Who's Ethan?" he asks, blunt and cold. A rage rises in my stomach, and I somehow find the strength to fight his words.

"The boy who brought me here. The boy who is amazing, who cared for me when he shouldn't, who came back to me when I didn't deserve him. The boy who...who..." I breathe heavily, though my heart pounds in my chest, each thud against my ribcage causing unimaginable pain. "Who didn't beat me because he is too obsessed with alcohol!" I burst immediately into floods of tears and Jai leans in close to my face. His voice is menacing, despite the presence of the doctor. His tone is lowered to that of a growl so only I can hear his poisonous words.

"If you dare bring that up again, I will kill you." His breath is heavy, yet laced with hurt at my words. The threat is empty, as he's only searching for a reaction, but my fear satisfies him. I shrink from his touch and look pleadingly at the doctor, who stands unknowingly at the door.

"Part of me still loves you. I don't know why I could ever love a broken woman like you, I must be fucking insane." He curses, pressing a harsh finger to my cheek, kneading at the pounding purple bruise on my cheekbone. He leans in and kisses me, yet there is no love locking our lips, only lust. It is as if he is willing me to desire him again, even if he has to force me to. His other hand strokes my stomach gently, almost lovingly, before he releases his touch and storms out of the door. He doesn't know what harbours in my womb and I instinctively reach down to shield my baby. The doctor merely stands, blank, at the door. I glare at him.

"Just go." I murmur, and he hurries out. Part of me wishes that I am carrying Ethan's baby and not that monster's. I reflect back on that awful night two months ago, about how he had raped me. No child should ever be conceived like that.

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All I need is Ethan. Tears stream down my face, but Ethan can wipe them away with the soft fingers that know only the gentlest touch. No such luck. I'd say my luck's running out, but there was no luck to run out in the first place.

A harsh sob pains my chest as it leaves my lips, remembering what the nurse said. 'He came in with a blonde girl.' Who? Why was she with him? How is it that everyone I learn to trust always manages to betray me and further break my fragile heart? How is life fair in any way? In a split second, I lose all hope. Hope of survival, hope of love, hope of living. What worth is hope, after all, when I am merely a crumpled heap in a hospital bed destined to live a miserable life?

Something glints in my peripheral vision, and I scan the table to find a pair of scissors. The nurse must've left them there whilst redressing my bandages. Something, some small part of my brain, whispers 'yes' and the pull is so magnetic I cannot refuse. My fingers find the scissors and I shut my eyes, smiling gently as the blade tracks across my skin, temporarily relieving the pain and anguish I simply can't cope with anymore. I open my eyes and wipe the beads of blood off of both me and the scissors with a tissue from my bedside, firing it into the bin beneath the side-table.