Split Apart

Chapter 2

I find myself in my assigned apartment thinking that I made a mistake. It's happened countless times before. And I am always in the same place: staring at my reflection in the mirror.

Two years as Dauntless has made me vain.

I don't remember when the habit broke. It is a blur between the times Christina has taken me shopping and my Ambassador tasks. Formal wear is mandatory when I visit the headquarters of other factions. Too many times I have stared in a mirror, trying to gauge my appearance on a scale of formal to not.

Somehow, when I am home, the vanity disappears.

The girl in the mirror looks back at me with the same blue eyes and blonde hair. She is short and painfully average like me. When I raise my hand in a wave, so does she.

At that moment, Four comes to mind and so does the feeling that I've made a mistake. There are nights when I can't sleep and my mind wanders to memories, memories that include Four. Happy memories they were. That is where the regret stems.

I have realized too late that I made a mistake. I have picked at the memories I have with Four enough times to understand that whenever I doubted, he tried to reassured me. I am frustrated with my past self for not seeing this before. More than that, I am frustrated with my current self for not trying to reunite us.

After what he said in the training room, I think, if his feelings were true, that I've hurt him too much to hope for reconciliation. That fact stings just as the doubts had two years ago.

Someone tries the door knob, then opts for knocking and shouting, "Tris open your door, it's your wonderful friend Christina with news!"

I laugh as I go over to the door and open it wide enough for Christina to come in without a verbal invitation, if that even mattered to her. Even if she wasn't born in Candor, I think Christina would still be her outspoken self in any other faction. It is a part of her.

"I have news," she says, plunking down on the rolling chair in front of my computer desk. I take a seat on the edge of my bed.

"What is it?" I ask.

She spins in the chair before stilling and looking at me. She wears a smile that stretches from ear to ear, an overjoyed smile. I know she can't contain the news, but nothing prepares me for when she screams, "Will and I are getting married!"

I blink, startled. She watches me, eyes bright, practically jumping in her seat. But I can only think that she is too young. Something Four said years ago surfaces in my mind. Age doesn't matter here.

Hastily, I plaster a smile on my face and get up to give her a hug. "Congrats," I murmur into her hair.

It takes only the image of Will and her together for my doubts, which have caused me enough trouble, to fade. Two years they have spent strengthening their relationship. They are already living together. They are prepared.

As I pull away from her, I still cannot accept this. Already our time has been cut short by Will and her job. After she is married, I will probably see even less of her. Eventually she'll become a mother, while I am left by myself, watching as she drifts away. The thought of losing Christina is terrifying.

"We have to go shopping." Christina's voice distracts me from my thoughts.

"Why?" I say. I have yet to receive my next assignment as Ambassador. There is no reason for shopping. With Christina, though, there is no reason to be required.

"Because you need something new to wear to the party Will and I are throwing for our engagement." Something in my expression must make her add, "No worries it'll only be close friends."

Much to my surprise, I realize that she waits for a reply. "Okay."

Then she grabs my wrist and is pulling me out the door before I can protest. It makes me laugh, and Christina joins me. In the back of my mind I think of how I don't want to lose this.

In the back of my mind, I also think of Four and I how I don't want to lose him either.