Timidly

05 | all of me

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COSTELLO LEADS ME into an apartment complex, pushing through a single glass panel door. Our footsteps echo as we make our way up the stairs, passing an 'Elevator not in use' sign; this makes me groan.

"Why have you taken me here?" I ask, both curious and cautious. My feet ache, the thin rubber flip flops not doing them any good.

Costello stays silent until he's climbed, and I've crawled, up a dozen flight of stairs. Then, he fishes out a single key from his jean pocket, the coat of bronze peeling off.

"Be patient, sweet pea"

He jams the key into the lock of a wooden door, painted an ungodly green. Cracks and slits riddle the surface, and I'm almost surprised the door is still on its hinges.

"I know it's not much-" Costello motions me in. "-but it's home for Nina and I"

The apartment is small and rustic, the walls bare except for the odd picture or painting hanging loosely on a nail. The air smells of the contrast between bitter coffee and sweet sugar biscuits. Opposites that together, create an odd but inviting fume.

"You live with your sister? Is it even big enough for two?" I peer down a hallway that leads into one bedroom, and a tiny bathroom. Every little thing is squished up and piled together, I feel my OCD begin to kick into overdrive.

"Honestly, no. But we manage. Barely"

I approach an oak bookshelf, tracing my fingers over the spines of several novels. Fantasy. Science fiction. Romance.

"Are you in college?" I ask.

To the side of me, Costello wavers on the balls of his shoes, his black hair shielding his eyes like a curtain, hiding the sun.

"No. I dropped out a while ago"

Horror. Drama. Comedy. The books are stacked together, as I read the titles in my head. "So, what do you do as a living?"

Costello doesn't answer. Instead he pulls out a hard-cover from the shelf, dusting off a thin layer of grey speckled dust. He hands it to me, without so much as a word.

Idyllic Moments by C.J Quinn.

I read the front over and over again, until I'm positive it's not a trick.

"You're an author?" The baffled look on my face causes Costello to chuckle quietly.

"Last time I checked"

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"TELL ME WHY I'm here"

I grasp a cup of Earl Grey tea, which Costello had said makes 'everything in life perfect'. He wasn't wrong; once the blended liquid, flavoured with citrus oil, made contact with my tastebuds, all was good in the world. But my question is still answered. I'm still confused as to why Costello has taken me here, to his apartment, just to hand me a beverage and a book with his name on it.

"Your past, it's one that you can't help but keep with you. One that haunts you, kills you inside, gives you nightmares. It brings back bad memories, upsetting flashbacks and thoughts that eat you up alive-" Costello pauses, taking a deep breath in.

"-you are dealing with a lot of shit, and I can tell. You want to be strong, but something is making you timid. Whether it be your father's death, or that guy whose grip in your life has forced you out here"

Costello then stops, looking down into his cup of tea. His head is tucked low, almost as if what he said took energy, and left him drained. But he is right..how is he so right?

"Keys"

A gross taste is left in my mouth as I let his name roll off my tongue.

"The guy, who forced me out here, his name is Keys. My mother met him when she was weak, when I was weak. A male authority figure was required, and Keys stepped up to the plate without hesitation. I should have know he wasn't who he said he was. I should have-"

I begin to cry. Ugly cry, like no one is watching. I grip my drink so tightly my knuckles turn white, as salty tears stream down my cheeks and wet my shirt.

Sobbing, a hand two times bigger than my own wraps around the mug, taking it from my grasp. Costello sets it on the coffee table, before wrapping his arms around me. I feel comfort in his touch, the way he smells of herbs and kept promises.

"Donna, you are safe here. You don't have to tell me if you can't, but know that I'm not going to let anyone hurt you"

And with that, I momentarily loose all common sense, and rational thinking, as I connect my lips with his.

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Costello P.O.V

AS SHE SPILLS her sorrows and pain, I can't help but want to reach out and grab her hand, show her that I'm here, that she's not totally alone in this unfair world.

But it's too forward. Donna is fragile, and showing any sign of affection could break her, especially if unwanted.

But then she breaks down, right in front of me. Her eyes fill with tears, and with one blink, scatter all down her cheeks.

I've always been isolated, never feeling pity for another individual. Apart from Nina. When our parents were killed, I had to protect my older sister. She lost all of her shine. Then one day, it all came back. I've always been envious of Nina's bubbly personality and optimistic outlook on life. She recovered. I never did.

But some sort of need to protect washes over me as Donna sits in her own tears. This girl that has just entered my life, has an effect on me which I cannot describe.

I pull her into my chest, and whisper a heartfelt promise into her ear. I pray her sobs and sniffles will stop, and then surely, they do. Donna sits up, turning to me. Her skin is inflamed and soaked, eyes puffy. Donna looks as if she's been through hell, and fought a war that's never been won, and still came out looking glorious.

So when she presses her lips against mine, in a gesture of thankfulness and desperation, I don't hesitate to kiss her back.

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