Timidly

11 | shades of red

Mature content!

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I HOLD THE blade so tightly in my hand it pierces the skin. Blood trickles down my fingers, creating a puddle of the darkest shade of red on the bathroom tiles.

I'm alone. Alone in the hotel room I booked, feeling utterly drained. The bathroom door is locked from the inside, keeping the cruel world out. I need to do this. I need to break the promise I made to Costello, to Manny and even myself.

I can't keep pretending that I'm not falling apart, that everything in life is okay, because the truth is, it's the furthest thing from. The power of persuasion is holding by a thread, and I'm unable to carry on promising people lies that will be broken.

The mirror is fogged up, so I wipe it with my hand, smearing blood across the glass exterior. I stare into the mirror, at the face that's anything but strong. A weak little girl who can't keep her head up. Who lies through her teeth. Who is dying inside.

Tears sting in my eyes, and I suck in the largest amount of air as I cut into my wrist, opening up a past of pain and heartache.

You've won Keys. My home is now yours; my mother is now your little pet, and my happiness is now stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

In this moment, I forget about all the greatness that's entered my life. In this moment, Manny isn't my best friend; he isn't here in London, protecting and loving me. I've never met Costello. Our lips have never touched, our hearts morphing into one. The Mirror Garden, Hopeless Beans, Gladwell Inn even Aldridge Arc Park is non-existent. My mother is with Keys, thankful that her daughter is nowhere to be seen. My father, my dad, has not been granted access to a peaceful afterlife.

In this moment, I have nothing to live for, and nothing to leave behind.

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Costello P.O.V

HER BODY IS cold in my arms, her face a sheet of white. Donna has a pulse, but a weak one at that. I'm covered in her blood, tangled in her frail limbs, but I don't even care. I don't notice Manny and Nina sobbing in the corner of the hotel room, or Shane on the phone with the ambulance. I don't notice Karen hugging herself so tightly she may burst, or Sebastian and Viktoria confused and shocked at the scene in front of them.

The only thing I notice is her. A beautifully timid girl letting out soft, shallow breaths. Donna has fresh cuts on her left wrist, and thigh. A pool is blood settles on the tiles. I haven't moved Donna from the bathroom floor where I found her, barely alive. I don't have the strength to lift her; just enough to cradle her and let tears dampen my cheeks.

Don't die on me Donna.

I have so many things to confess to her. Sins and secrets that have been eating me up. She has to know. She must know.

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I DON'T HAVE as much faith as I once did. My mom always took me to church on Sundays when I was small, then out to get a vanilla cone from the shop round the corner. My dad was so proud that I prayed each night, for the life I had been given.

It made me happy, that my parents were proud of how their daughter was growing up. It made me happy, that they were.