Lost

Happiness Over Pain ☘

I surprised myself this time. It just took me three days to come to terms or rather put up a facade of bravado and concoct a plan. I would say my frenemy Jack helped.

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As soon as I found out that Magenta was back safely from that filthy worm Reggie's hold I rushed to Sam's place but before I could enter and chain Magenta to me forever, my steps stilled.

"She is dying, is that true?" Jack's strained voice made something twist painfully inside me.

What is he talking about?

And the sibling had a discussion of their own, apparently, Sam knew about this before I heard the voice I needed to hear.

Yes. She said, she said yes to the question that is dying?

I don't know how I felt in that moment, just numb.

I heard her talk about the brain tumor and how she is suffering from it for more than a year now. My mind clouded with the anger of deception but what shocked me that I was feeling pain stronger than anger right then, the pain of losing Magenta. My mind swirled with questions, why did she lie? Why did hide this from me? 

I saw Jack storming out with tears falling down his eyes and he noticed me. He gasped sharply and I just glared at him. In that moment we don't say a word to each other and he passes by. He loved Magenta and didn't even once asked why she hid it from him. He loved her without any demand for returns or anything.

But I could not bring myself to forgive her, she knew how my sister died. How could she shattered my heart into million pieces when she knew that it was still in process of gluing together.

"He will hate me," She said and I realized in my agony I missed what was going on.

They were talking about me and it hit me heard how selfish I was right then. It felt like I didn't deserve her, Jack did. She was scared of telling me because I will hate her.

What good was I when I can't even share her pain? She was there for me every fucking time when I screwed up or made rash decisions and acted out on impulse. She was not even asking me to be there for her in return.

They discussed further her voice breaking my piece by piece every time. That voice will be gone somewhere far where I can't hear her. I felt like dying again. I welcome death because it was my only medicine right now. 

"You love him?" Sam asked and my dead-self felt a shock of life.

And I wanted to walk in to hear what she said. I had no idea what she did but apparently, she said a yes through a nod or something because Sam's word about true selfless words made sense. I felt elated amidst all the soul crushing pain. She loved me, someone, as broken, bad and undeserving person. How can she love me?

How was I even trying to hate her now?

Something warm caressed my cheek and I realized that I was crying. I rush out of there back to my car and cry silently letting all my pent up emotions flow freely when no one was looking to judge that how a man could cry. My chest ached acutely and I felt like gasping for air.