Lost

Duality of Hope ☘

I will tell you what pain is.

It is when a bullet hits you and you smile in relief that finally bullet did what you couldn't do to yourself.

***

I have never been this nervous as I was right now when Magenta's surgery started. My whole body was aching due to the stress and for no reason at all, tears filled with my eyes as I paced the hospital corridor. 

My heart was not very helpful as it kept constricting and causing me to breathe heavily. I was trying to keep calm and hold the heart that just kept sinking in too deep.

And I was regretting it now, why did I choose the surgery. She was living till now at least but one thing wrong with surgery and it will kill her. 

"Here, have a coffee," Sam said in a tired tone.

Her puffed eyes told me that she was as much in a turmoil as I was.

"She will live through this, she has lived through worse." She said in an unconvincing weak tone.

We all knew how her condition was and it will be a miracle if she lived.

The hours of surgery ticked by even slower than usual and I was so numb with all the pain now that I almost sat there in a trance. I was praying, actually calling out the Almighty to help me out this time. I do not pray just because I have been betrayed before but here I was shamelessly begging for God's help.

I don't know when but I was in a trance when Jack came to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"It's done." He said and his eyes betrayed his dead voice.

They were red.

My heart just drowned further as the harshness of reality hit me. 

Magenta was gone.

***

I didn't cry or anything in that moment as I just moved with Jack like a zombie. I could hear Sam's shrill cries, the crying of someone else but I just stood there as doctors just told me something. I already knew what they were saying but I didn't want to hear it.

I heard it when Charlotte died.

And then someone handed me the ring our wedding ring and that is when it dawned on me, she is not coming back. Magenta was gone. My Maureen was gone.

That is when a sharp amount of pain hit me and I collapsed on the ground. Before I could even realise I was crying out miserably. I had a wound before and that just opened letting my heart bleed all over.

I know someone was trying to stop me from crying but I just pushed everyone away.

"Why GOD!? WHY!" I yelled out in frustration as hopelessness crawled in.

I realized hope is a dangerous thing. Very dangerous.

You let it build only to crush you again vehemently.

"Jeremy." Jack's loud voice pulled me out and I looked at him through eyes blurry with tears.

"She is gone," I asked it just for someone to confirm.

And he nodded. His lips were moving and telling me something but my mind was numb and I wanted to die in that moment, the ache was so overwhelming.

What about my wishlist Magenta? Who will complete those? 

And her images started flashing in my mind, her smiles, her laughter, her eyes and how they are never going to mine again. Her presence was essential to me and now it was all gone. Something was choking me as I let more tears fall.

"Jeremy we have to go." Jack almost shook me harshly maybe to make me see sense.

"What?" I asked him not sure what he meant.

"Boss." He said and before I could move, screams filled the hospital as few men with guns walked in.

They shot few innocent and walked in my direction.

I destroyed the mob boss and his thriving business partially and he was here to take revenge.

About time.

"We have to go now," Jack said urgently.

But I know my salvation was here.

"How are you?" I asked the mob boss neglecting everything.

"You think you can win over me?" He asked with a pure vengeance in his eyes.

Surprisingly even though I was short-tempered, right now I felt calm.

"I apparently never win," I said those words meaning them.

I have lost too much now to register any win if I had any.

"Then I think a loser like you should never win."

He raised his gun and everyone expected me to jump out of way.

I could hear the shouts of Sam and some others but I knew what I had to do. I wanted to be with Magenta. And stupid as that sounds, I can't keep living because there was no one left for me now.

I flinched a little as the bullet him and everyone screamed. The amount of pain made my eyes blurry but a smile formed on my lips and I succumbed to the darkness happily as it engulfed me in.

☘ ☘ ☘ 

I am sure you are cursing me now and hating me with all might.

But honestly, Maureen was dying in my plotline when I started the book.  Letting her live was never my intention.

Killing Jeremy was totally how I felt today, unpleasant and depressed.

I poured my feelings in this chapter and honestly, I even cried while writing it.

There will be an epilogue and a bonus chapter if this tragedy ever reaches 100K where I will reveal Jeremy's wish list and also a fantasy portion where Jeremy, Maureen, and Charlotte meet.

If you still love me a little after this,

Stay tuned for DNA, first chapter will be updated tomorrow. 

And Wrath's Desire day after.