Double-Crossed (An Irwin Twins fanfic)

Chapter One

Ashton's POV

The school bell rang out, signalling the end of the day, and finally some fucking freedom. Grabbing my backpack and putting my chair on top of my desk as quick as I could, I hustled the door and put my headphones on and started blasting All Time Low. The best part of every day, besides sleeping, was always that feeling music-filled silence from the universe, which had always seemed to hate my guts. I started trudging home, my eyes glued to the gray sidewalk, as I tried to avoid attention, which for me often led to the typical verbal abuse usually inflicted on total losers like me. My brother, Alex, was a different story altogether, when we moved here he used his 'Australian charm' to become the most popular kid in the school and that hadn't changed yet, and that was back in kindergarten. It was the first day of freshmen year, and he was already eating lunch with the senior football players and all the hot cheerleaders. Me? I was still the 'foreign freak' yup, my brother's Australian-ness got him adored, and mine got me ostracized for most of my life. My only decent friend was my mum, and maybe that was also one of the reasons I didn't have any actual ones.

Through this torture, I had one shining beacon of hope, besides music, sleep and food, her name? Katrina, beautiful green eyes that would never judge a soul, a breathtakingly unique break from the other eyes that glinted with malice and criticism. She was really short, and got bullied for it a lot, but I thought it was the cutest thing in the world, well that and her long dark brown hair that was curlier than mine. I wanted to run my fingers through it was we cuddled and played video games, but alas I knew I would never have the courage to ask her out. I didn't even have the courage to ask to go to the bathroom in class, how could I ever get this beautiful girl to notice me? Oh, and one more thing you should know about Katrina, she thinks no one notices, and no one probably does, except me. I see it, what the bracelets and the long sleeves try to mask, I know because I have them too. I don't know what her reason for cutting is, I had never been brave enough to ask, and it would be rude anyway.

It always made me sad, though, looking at this beautiful flower that would never hurt a fly, and is still sharp as a tack and surprisingly funny, would turn to something as ugly as cutting, something that should only be done by useless people like me, who deserve it. Well, I guess I was really into thinking about Katrina because I was sprawled out on the sidewalk with a sharp pain in my knee.

Way to go Ash, you idiot, you fucking walked into a stop sign I rolled my eyes in disappointment at myself as I got up and brushed myself off, and just continued walking. When I got home I slipped off my vans and sprinted up to my room, well, not before grabbing some chocolate from the pantry,

Chocolate is most definitely better than friends I thought to myself, as I collapsed on my bed and got right onto Tumblr, and then finished my homework. I got myself some more chocolate for dinner, mum was out on a business trip so it was exquisite teenage boy cooking for the next week. So, basically, chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Alex wasn't home, he never was, probably out fucking a cheerleader on his first day of high school, the prick. That's why when the door busted open and I heard Alex's Australian accent that somehow sounded way more attractive than my stupid impossible to understand one, I was really surprised.

Oh, at some point during my Tumblr browsing I had changed into my unicorn onsie, because hell it was fucking comfortable and I was in my own home okay? Don't judge me, cause I feel you judging me whoever you are... Why do I pretend I'm narrating my life to someone in my head? Beats me, but real life is really lonely so I may as well keep myself company however I can.

I didn't think he had anyone with him so I walked downstairs to say hi to him, he may be a prick but he was still my brother and I always made the effort to at least be nice to him. He was in the kitchen from the sound of his voice, and I walked in and shouted,

"AYYY HOW WAS YOU'RE DAY BBY?" In a really annoying voice, it was only then when I made eye contact with the last person I would want to see me in my unicorn onsie screaming stupid things at my brother; Katrina. I froze in shock and mortal embarrassment,

"K-Katrina, what are you d-doing here?" I stuttered out, I would trade my Xbox to melt into the floor right now,

"Well.. uh" Katrina started but faltered off as she looked at Alex and giggled,

"Alex asked me out, and if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with him, I completely forgot you guys were twins!"

Alex

was

dating

Katrina

[HI YES TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU GET TRIGGERED PLEASE DON'T READ I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOU TO FEEL SAD I LOVE YOU]

I sprinted out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room as fast as I could before the tears started streaming down my face. Shaking I opened the door to my bathroom and locket it behind me, rummaging in the cabinet behind the mirror I found what I was looking for; my razor. Sliding up the sleeve of my onsie, and then the nearly 15 bracelets I had on under it from school I took a moment to gaze across the scarred ugly skin.

You fucking deserve this, you're too stupid to ask out Katrina, and now she's with Alex. Now that she'd ever date you anyways you're just

stupid

slice

ugly

slice

fat

slice

and worthless, and no ones ever going to love you, especially not Katrina.

There were several more slices after that, until my wrist was covered in a satisfying and relieving amount of blood, washing it off I put a bandage on a particularly deep cut I hadn't noticed, and pulled down my bracelets and my sleeve again. I felt calmer, the nice numb calm you get from watching your own blood pour out of your skin, it helps remind me that I'm human, a worthless ugly human, but a human nonetheless and that despite being useless and disgusting humans still have life as their greatest gift. Life that can be ended so easily, it is a surreal and beautiful thing to watch your body keep on bleeding and living when your heart and mind already feel dead.

Sighing, I took a quick shower, before snuggling into bed, and focusing not on the swirling anxieties that plagued my mind but the subtle pulsing pain that originated from my wrist. How simple it was, to focus on the small pain you give yourself, as apposed to the crushing agony of being a worthless teenager. Drifting off to sleep, however, I knew that my demons could not remain distracted for long.