Double-Crossed (An Irwin Twins fanfic)

Chapter 5

(yas I am finally updating, sorry I couldn't get my computer back last night or the night before because I ended up arguing with my parents when I tried to get it back and they kept it for two more days ._. so yeah this chapter is gonna be fluff central so yuuupp)

MAJOR ASS LASHTON FLUFF WARNING

Ashton's POV

I looked across the small-ish room at the hospital bed where my hero lay (fuck is that too cheesy? Idk) his head was propped up on two huge white pillows and he was in a funny looking hospital dress with pink hearts on it (wHY). His sparkling blue eyes were open slightly and it looked like even that was taking a lot of effort,

"H-hey Lukey, how ya feeling?" I stutter out hesitently and Luke just smiles, his heart stopping smile where his tongue sticks out between his upper teeth and his lower lip, and he says,

"Did you just call me Lukey?" Then he just started cackling like he had just heard the best joke in the history of the world and I remembered; Luke was still a bit loopy from the drugs they gave him during the surgery, who knew what was going through that boy's head?

Luke's POV (oH YEAHHHH NOW WE GET TO FIND OUT WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH HIS HEAD LOL I'M SO CLEVER RIGHT? RIGHT? nvm wow...)

Ashton is cute

Ashton is sexy

Ashton is both and it's really confusing (same Luke omf) 

"W-what?" Ashton said and if I was myself I would have hit myself over the head with a shovel, apparently a side-affect of the drugs they had given me was saying everything I thought. I should probably be careful but at the same time I currently had the mental filter power of a 3 year old. 

Ashton Irwin is amazingly breathtakingly devasatingly beautiful but he'll never realize it if he keeps pining over Katrina who will never be able to love him the way I could, would, and should but I'm just too shy.

Fuckity fuck. There I go, normally I'm pretty quiet but the whole time my brain is alive and now it was coming back to bite me in the ass.

Ashton's POV

I stood there, shellshocked, I had gathered now that the drugs must have make Luke unable to think something without saying it out loud. But what I was hearing was surprising me and making me want to giggle like a little school girl [insert Michael's immitation of Ashton's school girl gigle] and I guess some of Luke's loss of mental control rubbed off on me because I actually did giggle a little bit before stopping myself.

Luke smiled even wider, if that was possible,

"Ashton's giggle is the cutest thing ever it makes me want to do unholy things to him." Luke's mouth said while his eyes widened in embarassment,

"nononosorryAshtonfuckIcan'tstopsayingwhatIthink" Luke blubbers and now it's my turn to want to do unholy things to him because of his cuteness,

"Wow he's never gonna go out with you now Luke you're so desperate and you're scaring him, you already technically raped him in a janitor's closet and now you're hitting on him in a hospital with a broken jaw. You're so fucking worthless, no one is ever going to like you" Luke spat out, and he clamped a hand over his mouth before shifting his eyes down and blinking hard and I saw the first tears roll out.

Sympathy and understanding rushed through me and pushed my legs until I was sitting on the side of his bed and wrapping my arms around him, careful not to bump his head, and I cooed softly to him as he was now sobbing and muttering insults at himself,

"Lukey, Luke calm down, it's alright, I know how you feel, I feel like that with Katrina all the time." I realized that wasn't the best thing to say only after I said it and Luke only sobbed louder and screamed into his hand,

"FUCK KATRINA I FUCKING HATE HER, YOU'VE BEEN HUNG UP ON HER FOR SO LONG AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN TURN HER HEAD. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION ASHTON, I DO, BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT." 

For about the millionth time that day my heart lept into my throat, the realization of the affect I had on this kid hitting my like an oncoming train, I felt so guilty I started sobbing myself and I could only rub Luke's back soothingly as we both just sat there, crying, until I felt Luke's breathing start getting slower and more relaxed and I realized he had fallen asleep. 

Pulling away I set Luke's head down gently on his pillow and went to pull the blanket up for him when I paused, seeing something I was terrified to see. On Luke's leg the hospital gown had ridden up exposing his thighs that were more scars than actual skin. I choked back a cry of agony, Luke said he hated himself for loving me, is this all because of me? 

This is all your fault, you idiot! Why didn't you notice he liked you before? The answer was, honestly, because I had never really noticed him before. Looking back now, at all the projects we had had together where he was always so happy to be working with me, all the times he had made an excuse for me when I was late. Everything became so clear and it hurt, badly, immeasurable guilt crushed my chest and I had to shake myself to remind my lungs to work.

It's all your fault, it's all your fault, it's all your fault 

I repeated as I walked across the room to my backpack and picked it up as I walked into the bathroom that was in his room,

It's all your fault, It's all your fault I thought as I got out my razor that I kept in my backpack for emergencies, 

It's all your fault, all your--- fault I sliced hard across my wrist as I felt some of the guilt poor out with the blood that oozed out in pearls from the cut, 

You deserve this, you made the most precious human being in existence cut themselves, it's your 

fault, you deserve all of this, you need to feel the pain you caused him by being so fucking stupid.

I had cut myself pretty bad before, but nothing like this, I rolled my sleeve up to my shoulder and didn't stop making cuts until there wad hardly a clean patch of skin the whole way up my arm. As I stood up I knocked into a shelf and an open bottle of disinfectant spilled onto my arm, the scream I let out was loud enough to wake the entire Earth and 3 seconds later Jade rushed in.

"What did you do?" Jade shrieked as she called out for help,

"Why?" she said more softly as she looked into my eyes, but still kept glancing at my blood soaked arm,

I felt the loss of blood take affect as a wave of nausia and faintness washed over me and my eyes started drooping fast and I only managed to get out three words,

"It's all my fault."

wow u know how at the beginning of this chapter I was all like: FLUFF ALERT well I probably should have said trigger warning bc woah where did my brain go on that one....

SORRY THERE WILL BE FLUFF AT SOME POINT

[and then later some smuuuutttt O:]