Double-Crossed (An Irwin Twins fanfic)

Chapter 7

A/n: be grateful I'm updating two nights in a row just for you :)

Luke's POV

I didn't want to go to school, I wanted to fucking die. Simple as that, but nethertheless I kinda had to. So I crawled out of bed where I hadn't actually slept at all, and pushed my hair up with some gel in a half-assed attempt to look decent and I threw on some black skinny jeans and a blue flannel shirt (fUCK LUKE LOOKS GOOD LIKE THIS YA FEEL). 

I didn't bother with breakfast, I wanted to die so badly that maintaining my health was the last thing on my list of things to do, and I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door. My jeans were very tight, and then were chaffing against my new cuts that I had given my self generously last night, I wasn't sure how I wanted to die yet but it was going to be soon. Ashton didn't deserve what happened to him and it was all my fucking fault for making him feel guilty and it made me feel guilty, he almost fucking died just because I started whining about loving him so much and it killing me. 

Sure loving Ashton was killing me but it was nothing compared to the crushing guilt of knowing that he's sitting in a hospital at the moment with scars on his arm that may never fade all because of me. It was the worst pain imaginable and I couldn't deal with it for much longer, that was one of the reasons I wanted... no one of the reasons why I needed to die. Another being that without me a lot of people would probably be a lot happier, Ashton would, he would be free to go after Katrina for the rest of his days and who knows maybe she'd like him back one day.

Actually no, that thought made me want to projectile vomit, Katrina will never be worthy of Ashton, but neither will I so I may as well just kill myself because all I'm doing for Ashton is causing him more pain and suffering, something he already experiences too much of for the most perfect human being to ever exist. (I feel like my wording is shit in this chapter so far wtf brain)

I arrived at school barely on time and I settled into my first class, in which I happened to sit next to a Mr. Alex Irwin. I tapped on his shoulder and he turned around and looked surprised that I was actually talking to him, normally he would just talk all through class and I would ignore him and do my work like the dork I am (aww Lukey bæ). 

"What" he snapped, clearly he somehow hadn't heard about what happened to Ashton and as much as I hated beign the bearer of bad news I knew I had to tell him,

"Ashton's in the hospital" I said bluntly and the color drained out of his face,

"WHAT?!" he screamed and stood up abruptly in his chair shocking the entire class and bringing every pair of eyes to him,

"Y-yeah he cut himself up pretty bad, I'm not allowed to see him but they might let you in" I said trying to calm him down and with that piece of information he just grabbed his backpack and walked out of class, ignoring Mrs. Patterson who tried to tell him to come back to class and even threatened to give him detention. It was clear Alex didn't care and he just kept walking down the hallway and out the front door.

Ashton's POV 

"Ashton wake up sweety" A nice hazel eyed nurse said to me, her nametag reading out Jesy (3/4 oh yeah Leigh Anne will show up soon k),

"What" I spat bitterly before realizing I had been rude and I apologized,

"Sorry I'm just not in the best mood right now" Jesy nodded in undertanding,

"It's alright, I've been there once tried to end it all twice when I was around your age, all I can say is that nothing can ever get better if you die because then you'll never have anything again. Dying may make it impossible for things to get worse, but they can never get better, and life can be amazing if you get through the tough shit and be strong."  She said and rubbed my back sympathetically, her words helped a bit but I was still miserable because of what I did to Luke, he never deserved to suffer all because I'm a fucking worthless idiot.