The feeling of being a failure.
Every day I wake up to a song, which rips me out of my deep sleep early in the morning and that's when it starts already.
The feeling of being a failure.
Why did I think setting one of my favorite songs as an alarm would be a good idea?
I don't know.
Maybe I thought it would make me happy, but no.
It solely ruined it for me.
Every time I hear it now, I have to skip it because it makes me flinch and makes me feel awful, like I do when I have to wake up.
The thing is and though I know this, it's still hard for me to think differently sometimes; the feeling of being a failure, is not actually how I as a failure feel because I know (,or should know) that I'm not. It's feeling as if I were a failure.
But, sometimes I exactly feel that way, think that way–that I am a failure and though I know it's not true, I can't help it.
Because every time something awkward happens to me, my mind can't let it go.
Every Time I trip, fail or stare for too long, my mind can't let it go.
Fail as in Failure.
That's me, in my mind.
Surely, no one is bothered by the things I do, except me.
At least that's what I have read sometime, somewhere.
And that's okay, somehow. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
What this is leading to is; that if someone would ask me to show them the opposite of what I am, I, of course, wouldn't be able to.
Because what I am is in my mind, what someone else is is in theirs, and well–I can't read minds.
But someone who seemed like the opposite of me, the opposite of a failure,
Then I would say Gerard.
Gerard Way.
If I had to describe him, well there's only one word needed;
Perfect.
If he had to describe himself, though-
I don't even want to think of anything he'd have to say about himself. I know for sure it would hurt because he doesn't think fondly of what in my eyes seems the complete opposite of a failure, himself.
Looking at it,
We're both fucked up in the head and certainly share one or a few of the same issues.
Though, compared to myself, Gerard does not know that he's putting himself through more shit than necessary.
Of course I wouldn't describe myself as perfect, but I know that I'm not that bad as my mind keeps telling me. (Funny, that that's what I keep telling myself.)
And I highly doubt that Gerard Way isn't as perfect as I thought he was.
