I was surprised when Gerard popped into my bedroom again that particular day, as he had already been at my place earlier and had only left a couple of hours ago.
Without a word he had closed the door behind him and started unpacking his bag he had with him, pulling out a couple of clothing items.
Slowly, I closed my laptop and set it aside, eyeing Gerard.
It wasn't really weird that he did something like this, it just surprised me that time because that day had been one of those where he seemed more distant to me, less talkative. Normally, he preferred being alone those times as his mind seemed to be elsewhere.
"Should I get the mattress?" I asked, already starting to get up because I just assumed from what I could see that Gerard wanted to spend the night.
He shook his head.
"No, actually you need to cover for me-" He stopped in his tracks as he pulled up his shirt and gave me a look.
I quickly turned my head away, feeling my cheeks heat up.
It's not like I had never seen Gerard shirtless before, but with the years as we got older he suddenly seemed to be uncomfortable with it. When we were younger, he didn't mind at all. But then again when we were younger, he wouldn't constantly talk about how ugly he was.
Which of course, he wasn't. He was fucking beautiful.
"I'm having a... meeting."
"A meeting?" I frowned. That seemed oddly vague to me and it indeed was.
Silence fell over and I didn't dare to ask again, it was Gerard after all and if he didn't want to talk about something, then there was no difference to speaking to a brick wall because he'd keep so silent.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned my head again to meet his gaze, but he was already walking off to the mirror on the other side of the room.
He had changed into something else, something that definitely didn't scream I'm-staying-home-all-day as the clothes he wore before, but something that I hadn't seen on Gerard before.
But he sure looked good in it.
"Is that new?" I asked and all I got in response was him nodding slowly, while he payed attention to his own reflection.
I watched him as he carefully eyed himself in the mirror.
The way his fingers traced his soft pale skin, pushed strands of hair behind his ear and his eyes squinting at his own reflection.
His eyes sparked with anger.
I rose up and crawled to the ledge of the bed to get closer to him, to have a clearer look at his expressions.
He seemed even more upset now that I was close. His nose was scrunched up in a manner of disgust and his eyes seemed to bore into his own reflection.
"I think you're pretty, Gee." It slipped out just like that, my thoughts bare and just a whisper, but still I hoped he had heard for some reason. I wanted him to know.
His eyes drifted away from his own figure and darted at my reflection, eyebrows narrowed together questioning. I took it, he hadn't understood.
I could've just let it slide, but someone needed to tell him.
"I think you're pretty." I said again, more loudly, more clear, more certain.
I frowned as he dropped his head, hands balling into fists.
And then he shot another hole, just like he had several times over the years, into my fragile heart.
"No one gives a fuck about your opinion, Frankie!"
My heart race picked up and I dug my fingernails into my palms, swallowing hard.
He swiftly turned around and walked past me without giving me a single glance, stomping right to my desk and then slumped down in the chair, back facing me.
I stared at him, at the back of his head, still startled but at the same time it felt like nothing. He had shot so many holes already, but I loved him dearly. He was my best friend and he'd just cope with his feelings in a very different way than other people would. That was okay, that's what made him so special.
"No one gives a single flying fuck about if you think I am pretty. Fuck you, Frank."
I lowered my gase, pressing my lips together.
It was just the anger speaking, I told myself. Gerard just was this way.
It was worth for the time he was there for me, when he was the actual Gerard who held me tight and would laugh with me, it was worth everything.
And I could take this little hurt, it wasn't like I didn't deserve it, the only one who didn't was Gerard and he seemed to get too much of it from himself.
I moved back on my bed and leaned my head against the wall, slowly fidgeting with my hands as the silence fell over us again.
I was naive wondering what Gerard was possibly planning on going to and a coward for not just asking.
After a while I heard him stand up so I raised my gaze to look at him again, he made no eye contact.
"I told my mom I'm gonna spend the night here. So, you know." He gave me a quick glance and I nodded in response, before he dropped his gaze again.
And then again, just as he had came, he left without any words.
A/N: sorry regarding the slow updates, school's keeping me busy :(
