Gerard was curled up into my side, I could feel his stomach slowly rise and fall with every breath he took as I held my arm around him and rested my chin on his shoulder.
We were watching some kind of documentary on a serial killer that Gerard had wanted to watch, but I had found more interest in him fairly early.
He made us watch lots of these documentaries, to me they all seemed the same. Some whacko who suddenly gets the urge to kill, comes up with some weird fucked up motive and well, kills and somehow gets a documentary made about him.
Gerard on the other hand, somehow saw these things with other eyes. He had told me about his fascination with death so many times and the fact that anyone could end anybody's life just like that. Killers and their motive, the victims relatives emotions, life after for both the relatives and the victim...I didn't really get that. I was more focused on things that mattered to me and it seemed very unlikely that anybody soon would be killed by someone I knew or the other way around. But maybe I should've paid more attention to these kind of things back then, considering that they concerned Gerard.
But, I didn't mind watching these things with Gerard if that's what he enjoyed because what I enjoyed mainly was his presence.
"Gee?" I asked quietly once the credits started rolling and Gerard hadn't philosophized over the killer yet, as he'd normally do after one of these documentaries.
In fact, he didn't even move and just kept staring. I could tell his mind was elsewhere rather than the movie.
"Yes?" He asked after a couple of seconds and then turned in my grip to face me.
"Nothing bout the movie?" I asked, laughing lightly, but at the same time I was rather concerned.
It was odd that he didn't have to say anything about the murderer.
"Eh." He shrugged lightly. "Tell me something, Frankie."
"Oh..."I said in surprise, but nodded thoughtfully. "Oh well, then...Can I ask you something instead?"
"Sure."
"How'd your meeting go yesterday?"
I was a bit perplexed as that question alone sent an instant smile to his face, which I wasn't complaining about, I loved when Gerard smiled.
It just wasn't a common thing and normally wouldn't be triggered by a simple question.
But there it was. His soft lips curling at the sides, his little teeth showing, forming a perfect, adorable smile. Too bad it was so rare.
He moved closer, hiding his face in my chest and I smiled a little at that.
"Good then?" I asked.
"Really good." A giggle left his lips, making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I knew at that point that what ever it was it must've made him very happy and what ever made him happy was something I was grateful for.
"He was so nice." He whispered, barely audible, but I did, did hear it and it took me back for a second.
I wasn't even so sure if it was intended for my ears or just a thought that by accident had escaped Gerard's mind and played itself on his tongue and out of his mouth, but I could feel my thoughts suddenly starting circling in my head.
I couldn't exactly tell you what I was feeling, but it almost felt like...fear. Fear that was pressing against my head as I put together all the information Gerard had given me and don't even bother to call me Sherlock, because I immediately understood what he had accidentally been hinting at, but my mind simply couldn't comprehend.
"And how was your day?" Gerard ripped me out of my thoughts and I blinked a couple of times, trying to focus again.
"U-um." I frowned, thinking of what I had done the day before rather than what was going on in Gerard's life right then.
He moved away from my chest and faced me, softly resting his hand on my cheek, but his touch still felt so strong to me. It was like his fingers were fire and my skin was ice, slowly melting away. But seeing ice melt away is oddly satisfying and so was it, when ever he touched me.
"Anything exciting?"
I shook my head slightly. "N-no, just watched some movies, ate...you know, nothing really."
I never really did anything exciting, my days were all the same, boring and filled with routine. I never did anything extra ordinary, unlike Gerard apparently who all of the sudden had something else relevant in his life.
Not like I was complaining or anything, I just felt...left out. I only ever had Gerard as a friend, a real friend. Sure, there were people in school I got along with well, but I wouldn't consider them my friends. And it had always been the same to Gerard. I didn't really know how to feel over the situation in total as I couldn't exactly tell who he had met and what it meant, but I slowly started to get scared I'd be less relevant to Gerard.
And who would I have then when he wasn't there? Did I need to start making friends now? I didn't know how that worked, I had never needed that. All I had needed was Gerard.
"Ah well." He shrugged lightly. "Thank you so much for covering for me Frankie."
I nodded understandingly. "No problem."
He moved closer again and wrapped his arm around me, holding me tight and nuzzling into me, so I also wrapped my arm around him.
"Gee?" I asked after a couple of moments of silence, he hummed in response.
"I'm glad you're my friend." I told him quietly. Maybe, I thought I had to remind him so he wouldn't let our friendship slip away with what ever was new in his life, I don't know, but I just said it.
He didn't say anything then, I didn't expect him too. It was typical for Gerard to never say those kind of things, but he felt the same. At least that's what I had really hoped. Because I felt so dependent on him and it felt heart wrenching to me to think he didn't need me in his life at all.
