The Red Thread

Thread Fourteen

The 14th Thread, Love Words

It's almost Christmas~ Magbibirthday na si Chase! At si Chris syempre! Chase still hasn't remembered yet although sometimes sbeh ni Chris magtatanong siya na may ginawa daw ba silang gnun or may ginawa ba siyang gnun na sasagutin nila ng ou or hindi at magtatanong sila bkit and he would say "Nothing... I just sort of remembered it... I just asked to confirm if I'm remembering something right!" So I guess he's slowly remembering things... Sana matandaan niya nrin ako! Pero mukang malabong mangyare yon anytime soon... *sigh* He's now very close with his family prang dteh lang mas close panga ngayun eh dhil nageeffort tylga silang magreach out lalo si Tito Mitch he's really trying to do his best! Si Gino rin at ang buong basketball team they are all getting along pretty well... Tiff nman he's starting to warm up to him... Pero ako... Everytime I try to offer him my help or everytime I try to speak... Either babarahin nyako or he would cut me off instantly... Ayaw nyakong isali sa khit anong ginagawa niya... Ni kausapin ako ayaw din nya... He would always dismiss me khit anong gawin ko... Basta pagdating sakin laging cold shoulder at evil glaring daggers and nakukuha ko...

Honestly hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko... I feel like I want to give up already... It hurts y'know! Masakit kaya! As in sobra-sobra... I feel like lagi nalang, everytime nalang ipinagtatabuyan nyako and I'm just an annoyance and a bother to him... Pakiramdam ko ipinipilit kong isiksik ung sarili ko in a place where I don't really belong to... I should've grabbed the chance nung mga times na he was just there for me~ I should've took the risk... Hindi na dpat ako nag-antay at natakot pa... Now it feels like as if I've lost him to the world at wala ng bukas pa para samin... Wala na ngaba tlgang pag-asa!?

Every night as I try to sleep there wasn't a time na I didn't cry myself to sleep... Pero wala ring time na dko inisip ano bang dpat kong gawin para maging okay ang lahat... At lalung-laong walang time na dumating na dko inisip na tomorrow is another day at baka may bago na pagkagising ko... Wala nmang masamang magtiwala... But now I realize na I'm being too dependent... Dependent sa mundo, sa fate, sa destiny at sa life na sa tingin ko ay against sakin at pinagtritripan nanaman ako... So I won't depend on them anymore... Naniniwala ako na we are meant to be and that the love that was there was true and was his! I should stop thinking it'll be okay and should start trying to make it okay NOPE! not just... it should be even better and not just okay! Yes! Tomorrow is indeed another day pero aanhin mo yung another day kung wala ka nmang nagawa for the improvement of things... I should stop thinking na baka bukas may magbago na pagkagising ko dhil NOPE walang magbabago dhil wala nman akong ginagawa para magkaroon ng pagbabago... I should stop whining and start fighting! If I really want this LOVE dapat ko tong ipaglaban at paghirapan...

So I've decided... Watch out Chase! For I will annoy and pester you to death! Wala akong pakielam khit ipagtabuyan moko! Wala akong pakielam khit it looks like desperada nko! Bkit hindi ba? Desperada nman tlga ko pero sayo lang noh... Consider yourself swerte dhil I'm doing this for you... ArgH! grbeh ka the things I'd do for you really suprises me! Kakalimutan ko na at itatapon ko muna lahat ng hiya ng katawan ko! Ililibing ko muna ang aking prim and proper self! Basta kahit na mukang ipinagsisiksikan ko ang sarili ko sayo! Manigas ka! There's no way I'm backing out and quiting! I won't be giving up on you so easily kung yun ang akala nila! I'll show them! Now you! Get ready! Cause I'll make sure I'll make you feel my love! In any ways I can find possible! Humanda ka talaga! Dahil you'll be seeing a new Azalea! And you'd love me better than the last time!

"Teka Gurl! I really like the idea okay~ I'm not against it at hindi nman sa hindi kita gustong iencourage jan! Pero di nman kaya matakot sayo si Chase sa binabalak mo! I mean uhh how do I put this..." sbeh ni Tiff na nakaupo sa kama ko... Ako nman busy ayusin ang buhok ko dhil I'm on my way to Chase's house dhil ngayon ang araw ng pag-uwi ni Chase sa bahay nila~ Chris invited me of course na sumama sakanila and at the same time to have dinner with them tonight in celebration sa magandang pagrecover ng katawan ni Chase! Ang swerte talaga kpag ka kapamilya ng Hubby mo yung avid supporter mo~ May free ticket na pumunta at makita si Hubby yiiee I'm sooh lucky~!!! At para mas hindi awkward na nakisali lang ako don dhil nga matalino tong si Chris at alam nyang maweweirduhan lang si Chase na naron ako mapagkamalan nanaman akong girlfriend niya daw na ilang beses ng sinabing hindi nga (-_-) Bat ba pinamimigay nyako (Q~Q) well yun nga ininvite nya nrin ang Mom and Dad na nagustuhan nman ng mga itoh pteh ng parents niya! Our families are like family afterall so prang family celebration dinner toh~