The Red Thread

Thread Eighteen

The 18th Thread, What's really missing...

I opened the luggage to find nothing but a bunch of clothes, like shirts, suits, long sleeves and ties. I was a bit disappointed to be honest... There were no clues there, and nothing I touched triggered me to remember fragments of the past at all. But I guess since I went through all of this I might as well arrange it properly now. I carried everything that I got from the luggage, including the luggage itself and brought them out of the closet, then to my bed, where I can fold much more easily! One by one I folded each carefully and nicely, just like how I want them. I dunno why but Chris says it's b'coz of my neatfreakness that I have to fold so 'girly' like! Though I see nothing freaky or weird about it at all. I even find this more normal than finding out that they were my family and we were related! I was like "Are you serious!?" when they told me... (*-*) It felt a bit unbelievable! But this one felt like it was as normal as drinking water, eating and sleeping to me. Ahh! a sudden memory popped into my mind... I remember that time of the party and she accompanied me before I slept. She folded the clothes I took off the same way I did. Just exactly the way how I want it...

'Does she really know me that well? To even know the way, how I want my clothes folded!?'

Hindi lang isa, dalawa o tatlong beses kundi paulit-ulit na sumasagi sa isip ko ang tanong na iyon. That one question just kept on running and running and still running inside my mind. Add up that it runs for no apparent reason! I don't even know why I'm thinking about her. Like srsly! Why do I even need to know or bother myself thinking about it. Kala ko ba wala naman akong pakielam kahit na close kme back then. Dahil sbeh ko basta alam ko ayoko sakanya ngayon at maaring magpakailanman pah! (Ehem! Ehem! Warn you~ Sure ka nbah talaga jan? Baka iregret mo yan later ahh!)

Oh great! Now I'm hearing voices again... *facepalm* (Kaya nga konsensyang epal! Haler!) Konsensya na namimilosopo!? Sumasagot ng di tinatanong nor kinakausap! At higit sa lahat Epal nanga Pakielamera pa! Meron ba nun!? Or baliw lang ako... (Alam mo kasi boy, lemme tell you something I learned back then bago pko maging konsensya na umeepal rito!)

A long long time ago, noong mga panahon na tao pa ako! Na saka ko na kwekwento bakit hindi na ngayon! Abangan nyo may story rin ako choz, nuh kayo special ako noh! Special child! XD HarHar! Deh jowk lang~ Back to story...

Noon, Super kitid talaga ng utak ko! Ako lang ang naiisip ko at POV ko lang ang tangi kong tinitignan at iniintindi. To sum it all up WALA AKONG PAKI SA IBA and I was very SELFISH! Madaming mga bagay na naisantabi ko noon, Basically nababaliwala ko! At dahil nga yon sa ako lang kasi ang naiisip ko so sa huli, I was the one who suffered and regretted. It's really hard to explain but let's just say I was blind to what I was supposed to actually see so in the end what I was supposed to see disappeared and vanished at ako ang nawalan at nagsisi sa huli dahil it's too late and I can never have what I failed to see.

"So!? How is this connected to me and my thoughts??? I don't think we're in the same situation at all. You already said it, you were selfish and only thought and saw your own POV. I don't think I'm anything like that at all! I mean as much as possible I look into every possible thought. And not only my own thoughts, also others. We're different!"

I don't think you're getting my point here Chase... I'm not saying we have the same situation or you're in the same situation as I once was, neither am I saying you're anything like me! My point is the lesson that I've learned in my experience. Nabulagan ako noon! That was what happened. Meron kasing mga bagay na iyon yung gusto kong makita so sa huli dko nakita ang dapat kong makita na nasa harap ko lang naman pala. I'm just saying you should look into things a lot more thoroughly! Don't just decide and say Done! wag kang magsalita ng Tapos, dahil baka pagsisihan mo that you put a period there one day. Dahil once something is over, it's over! And it takes some real good luck and some big chance to change that maari pangang wala ng paraan to change that and only a miracle can do a thing or two. But the real question here Chase is 'Tiwala kaba sa sarili mong decision, conclusion at iniisip sa ngayon!?' pero kung ganun... why do you want so bad to get fragments of the past!? What's the point Chase!? What are you doing it for? Kung okay ka na sa kung ano ka ngayon, at sa nararamdaman mo, sa kung ano na ang nangyayare ngayon. Why Chase!? Why do you think you question yourself and look for answers to things you don't even know nor understand? Things and a person you say someone that doesn't even matter to you at all.