Just Another American

Chapter 6

| I squeeze Bushra's hand and grasp Lorelei's elbow as we choose trinkets at Claire's. They figured out the next day that rumors broke out and tried (but failed miserably) to keep the news away from me. I tried too, to not remember yesterday's mashup and forget the backstabbing insults people whisper when I'm not there. " Ooh, this key chain's nice- and there's two more to match!" I manage a weak grin. "Cool!" Lorelei senses the misery in my eyes and coaxes me that everything will be fine, and that stupid rumors are just a regular part of high school. "Rani, yes. Kyle touched you, but at least try to understand that he never means any harm. Don't worry, girl!" I appreciate her effort and push aside my hurt. We end up buying the key chains: A jar of peanut butter, a jar of jam, and a loaf of bread- three things that go together, secure.|

***

| Mother is furious. "You let him touch you!" She whispers calmly, dangerously. "Ma, it's not our fault. I was only explaining about-"

"ENOUGH!"

I need to explain-quick. "Ma, he wanted to know-"

"Rani, he could've asked Muslim boys about Islam, you know."

I grimace. "Ma, Kyle doesn't understand. Well, now he does, but-"

"RANI!"

I quiet. I want to tell her everything but I can't. 

Ma raises her hand and points a finger towards me. I have never felt so accused, so guilty before.

"Rani, he likes you . Astaghfirallah. How could you let him? When I was a child..."

The words drone through my head, in one ear and out the other.

Well, how do I  know ? |

***

| On Friday night I question a sheikh. He stares  at me solemnly. "What is your name?" 

"Rani, I-"

"And do you know that it is completely forbidden to talk to boys?"

"Brother-"

"This is haram! Astaghfirallah. Don't you cover? Don't you have modesty?"

My face flushes. Either it's really hot in here, or I'm really about to lose it. I came here for advice, not an interrogation session. 

"My question was-"

"No questions. Just listen and obey."

What on Earth does he even mean?

Oh, really? I don't think so. Questions are important, too. They aren't haram, nor will they lead you to confusion. The irony.

I storm out of his office without a word. |

| I retrieve my namaz rug from my locker. "Hey, you!" I turn around to face- someone I don't know. A sophomore, maybe? He's grinning a grin that scares the daylights out of me. His hazel eyes define anger. I keep silent. I try to move the other way away from him, but he extend his arm and smashes his palm against my locker, shoulder extended right next to my head so I'm blocked. I suck in a breath. The boy runs his fingers through shaggy auburn hair and licks his lips. I'm scared stiff. "What do you want?" He looks around as if to see if anyone's coming. A smirk. "You know what I want?" A menacing silence settles. Please, please, Allah, someone- come this way. Help me. He inches his face closer to mine until it's a hair's breath away. His nose softly grazes mine. A low growl. I shy away, but the locker keeps me from recoiling backward. "Listen, pretty girl. I want you to get the hell  out of here." I glare. He returns it. Eyebrows raise. "I was born here. I have every right to-" He shoots his fingers towards me and grasps my hips with both hands before I can finish. I'm silently crying now, hugging the namaz rug to my chest. His eyes linger below my neck and chest. Oh, goodness.- the senior mutters between ragged breaths. "Why don't you take your head piece off? Huh? Let me see who you really are." his words steam onto my mouth.  God, please- He pulls me close to him.  Ouch... Suddenly, a pair of strong arms push him away. "Hey! I wasn't finished yet! She didn't answer!" I take a deep breath of air and collapse onto my knees, stars dancing in my eyes, my vision blue and spotted. "That's not an excuse. Stop harassing her." The voice snarls. Kyle? Footsteps. My mind's blurry. Soon, arms are covered around me. Muscles tense, and a gentle yet pleading voice that warms my head. "Rani, listen to me!" 'Kyle, I'm fine... ' I want to say, but instead a helpless moan drifts out. My eye lids flutter. No, this isn't happening. It's a dream. I wasn't bullied. Nobody hurt me. I want to go back to sleep, common. My waist hurts. My head hurts. He was squeezing me too hard. I'm scared.  Someone shakes me, then lifts me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing. Strong. " Rani, oh common. Don't faint now. Look at me..." My head is cradled against his neck. I'm fine. Dramatically fine. My head lolls, and I drone out. An angels voice replaces the wary tone. "Rani... I'm here... Rani..." |

"Rani..." 

My eyelids flutter open. I realize I'm in the nurses office.

" Rani..."

I turn my head to see Bushra and Jimin. Bushra's face glows in the blinding light. She looks so pretty, Masha Allah. 

"You alright, girl?"

"Yeah, I think so. Wha-"

Jimin snarls. " Josh right there nearly claimed the daylights outa you. You seemed so scared. No, wait. I was scared. I, I-" He pauses. He turns his face away so I can't see. "I gotta go. I'm already late for class." He rises and leaves. I spin my head to look at Bushra. "Explanation, please?" She squeezes my hand. "Gotta go. Sorry- by the way- your mom's gonna pick you up. You're dismissed early today.  Josh's suspended.  Three days. " Her voice falters. "Okay, really- I'm missing History- Talk later, k?" "K." "Alright. Allah Fez." We exchange smiles.

***

Mother drives me home. We don't exchange a single word.

| The next day I'm hanging out with Rita, Bushra, Lorelei, and Chan. We decided to stop by and meet up at Mochi's for a treat to enjoy the weekend. Chan squeals. "Oh, my gosh! I heard about what happened yesterday. You alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine- thanks for asking." Rita whispers. "Yeah, I was worried, too. Josh can get a little-" She twirled a finger next to her temple. "Yeah, I see." I'm starting to feel a little squeamish about all the attention. Lorelei nudges my elbow. " And guess, guess- who carried you to the office like a fallen princess after your faint?" The sly grin. I know fainting is pretty melodramatic, but for some reason it just happens to me whenever I'm scared of surprised. Pretty chunky. Chan abruptly jerks. My face burns. "Um..." The girls giggle and melt into a wave of guffaws and teehees. Bushra interrupts, freeing us of the totally awkward conversation. "ALRIGHTY TIGHTY LET'S SEE HERE..." She points to the various flavors and toppings. "Let's dig in." 

Thank you, Bushra! :)

***

"So Rani, Bushra, what is a Hijab exactly? Is it a hat or something? Isn't it hot?" Rita asks. We exchange smiles. Bushra answers. "It's to cover not only our hair, but our bodies. The reason behind this is for modesty. It's a command from our one and only god, Allah. It's my choice, and my right. It's a freedom." Chan blows a gust of air. I see she has a brain freeze. Coincidentally, we all take a huge spoon of our frozen yogurt. This, of course,  leads to a full group- freeze moment. For a while we take a few seconds to settle our selves within laughter and cold. Chan smiles. It was all of us, smiling, really. But hers was different. As if she was about to spill a secret. We all noticed, then fell into a silent quake. She blushes. "Um, I have something to tell you guys..." Rita grins. "Ooh, ooh! What is it? " We peer down at her, like hawks, a sly expression barely hidden. "Jimin asked me out and I said yes." My heart falls with a thud. What?!  The girls squeal. And shriek. And congratulate her, too. I feel so happy for Chan, I really do. She's kind, and pretty, and honest- plus a lot of other things. And I have no right to feel envious- he only thought of me as a little sister- besides, it's haram to date, right? But no matter how much I try to push those feelings aside, I can't help but sense the hollow emptiness in me. |

***

On Tuesday I get a surprise by Mr. Robin as I enter the door. " Why hello Rani, my dear. May I speak to you for a moment?" Before I answer, he ushers me out of the class room. " Class, you may continue your assessment." He pauses. "Rani, about your report..." I grimace. "Yes, Mr. Robin." "Well, you've written your knowledge as an interesting poem, but remember what I said about last time? Listen to instructions..." Blah, Blah, Blah, Meh. "Sorry, Mr. Robin, I'll try my best next time." I manage to put on my most sincere and solemn face. He smiles. "No need to take it so hard on your self. I gave you an easy 100. Rani, you've got talent right there." I can't help but smile. Then a sudden thought rushes to me. Where was my poem diary? I haven't seen it since last year. If anybody reads it... that'll be very, very mortifying... oh, well. I'm pretty sure it's hidden somewhere at home. I'm comfortable again. I can't help but smile. I go to an empty desk and sit, taking out my supplies as I try to believe Mr. Robin's words. You've got talent right there. Psssh... I don't know what he was talking about...