Just Another American

Chapter 7

October 13. My birthday. I can't believe I'm actually 15 years old now. I apply some makeup on my face and wear a full sleeve black T- Shirt that reaches my knees. I shrug myself into some black denim jeans and swipe a few rings on my fingers. After wrapping my head in a black hijab, I take a peek of myself at the mirror. My happiness falls to a thud. Saying that I look like a walking mistake is an understatement. I'm an emo in a black potato sack.

***

"Girl, you have to see!" Bushra pulls me through the crowd, waving off students in the way. "Move, move...coming through..." What's all this hullabaloo about? We push and make our way to my locker. Then I notice the reason why everyone's so near it. They're observing it. "What's going on, Bushra?" "Nothing. It's just-someone did this to my locker, too." I see her eyes are bloodshot and puffy. She's been crying. "Bushra, what's wro-"I gasp. My locker. Right in the middle of it were the angry words, probably applied with lipstick: 'You think just because Kyle likes you you're American? We don't want your hijab or religion in our country. Get the - outa here!' 

A giant lump bobs up my throat. My eyes burn. Who did this? Tears leak out, and now I'm sobbing. Why? Why me? Am I a monster? Yes, you are. A voice in my head seems to sneer, you're a monster. I sob even harder, trying to muffle the sound with my palm. Bushra squeezes my arm gently. Kyle's voice erupts. "Out! Stay away! If I find out whoever did this..." He swore a colorful rainbow of curses. "Nobody has the right to say things like that. They're just as human as you are. Now everybody! Move! Scat!" He brought some paper towels and tried scrubbing the words off. Some people came to help, some just standing there, and some trying to coax us. I couldn't move. I fight back embarrassment, fear, and hurt. Bushra squeezes my arm again. I don't want to let anyone know how horrible I feel.

Monster.

***

Lorelei, Bushra, Kyle, and I met after school to discuss the thing that happened today. I guess I haven't been concentrating much in classes, and now all I want to do is just finish off my hopeless breakdown with people I feel safe with. Lorelei heard about it, but she had History during the incident and could only contact us during advisory. "This is too much, Bushra and Rani. You have to tell someone- at least your parents." I blink. "No, it's alright." Bushra sighs. She hasn't spoken much today, probably her mood. I understand. I want to put my arms around her, but I'm afraid she'll think I'm clingy. I hold back.

"Look, I gotta leave. Bye. Allah fez, Rani. Happy birthday." She packs her bag and dashes off to the black Toyota paused in the parking lot in front of us. Once Bushra's gone, It's silence again. I shift myself on top of the bench uncomfortably. "Rani." His voice is so stern, it cradles me. I feel so secure. Astaghfirallah, what am I thinking? I give myself a mental spank. I must not let myself get too far. Yet it's so strange when I feel so protected around Kyle, like nobody'll hurt me. 

Why?

"Rani, look at me."

Those words. I've learned to admire them...

I urgently jerk my head back and forth. Where, oh, where did Lorelei go? I'm lost in thoughts, in Kyle's gaze. "I won't let anything happen to you. But please, stop holding every single thing inside. Some things happen, yes, but sometimes it's not right to keep it a secret." "Kyle, really, I'm fine. You're over reacting. They don't under-" I think he completely lost it, because then he glared at the grass and stood up, turning towards me. He puts both hands on my shoulders, and grits his teeth. I struggle to get free. "Kyle..." He shakes me real hard. "Rani, come on! You know better than that! Fine! If you want to keep everything private, than that's totally okay with me. Got it?" His voice rises. I fight back tears. Why doesn't he get it? Why doesn't anybody get it? My voice breaks out, shaky and uncertain. "I'm sorry, I- Just let me go first." Kyle's grim softens. His sapphire eyes pierce me. But there's something I see in them: concern. Since when does HE care? His whisper reaches my ears. "I don't want anything to happen to you. When I saw him bothering you-" I knew what he meant. "Something sparked in me. I let that go and pulled him away. Rani, do you have any idea how nervous I was? Just be careful, please. Please?" A painful pause. "Yes. Okay, whatever. Let me go, please." I try not to take the sappy words personally, but somehow they've sunk in. He didn't say that. I blush. A red faced Jenson lets his arms slack against his sides. I notice Lorelei's here now, and I'm flustered. "Oh, my gosh. Your makeup. You okay?" I nod. "Yeah, everything's fine." And amidst my shudders, I manage a weak laugh.