Just Another American

Chapter 5

 The next day is Thursday. Thursday, the day you prepare for Friday, for the weekend. Thursday is also the day I have to prepare my answer for Kyle. Kyle, the former bully. Kyle, the future-boyfriend-if-I-don't-act-quick-enough. Why? That's why I'm walking to my locker with Lorelei, now telling her. "Look. Doing something that involves my choice as well. I have no intention to have a relationship- I don't want that. It's against my will, my schedule, my religion." We turn, heading the other direction. Lorelei sighs. "Rani, I understand that you don't exactly love my brother. But I want to know why it's so against your religion. I mean, it's only a sweet friendship. Everybody dates-why not you, gurl?" I don't know how to answer. Was I actually waiting for this? "It's against my religion because it disrupts my sense of dignity and modesty." I wanted to say chastity and safety, but I kept that in. Lorelei breathes under her mouth, a sudden blow of frustration."Rani, Puh-Leez. I had to keep this a secret because I thought it embarrassed him and would embarrass you, too. Kyle just wants to be with you for a few hours so he can get to know your religion, who you think you are as a Muslim. He wants to know you. I blush. The last sentence came out pretty sappy. Okay. Nice explanation. Thank you, but no thanks. "I bet there are other Muslim boys he can talk to. I'm just another American." She playfully tugs my sleeve. "Silly, he already asked. But they always reply the same answer: Modesty. He wants to know why your hijab is so valuable to you, even if you have like, the most beautiful hair on Earth. And no, to him, you're not 'just another American'. You're his dream. Please. You have no idea what feelings Kyle has for you." I'm pretty sure I'm crimson. "Oh, alright, but like, I'm not going anywhere. You're gonna be with me, and I'll meet him after his football practice today. Kapeesh?" Lorelei squeezed my hand. "Yay!" And she left me standing by my locker, not knowing what to do know.

***

Me: Salaams, B- Sup?

B: In middle of Biology. What do you have?

Me: I'm late. It's 8.45. Biology, too.

B: Better hurry up.

Me: Um

B: Mmm?

Me: I said yes and no.

B: Whoa?

Me. Whoo. Kyle only has questions bout hijab. I meet with L and K FTR football practice.

B: O. Good luck! ;)

Me: <3 Thx. ^ ^

***

I guess I'll have to explain to my mother why I stayed after school today. Bushra helped me with the answers I'd tell Kyle, and geez. Lorelei- the ever-so-hopeless-romantic gushed on and on about it and even tried to get me to wear some makeup. "I already have khol and lip-balm, is that not enough?" I blurted as she smooshed Gold-pearl Plum lipstick on me. It was only a few minutes before the practice ended, and Bushra offered to stay with me so I wouldn't get shaky. "There, you look gorgeous. No heavy makeup needed- you look like you already have! Tan pretty face, large brown eyes brimmed with khol, lush pink lips, bright blue hijab, white hoodie, black dress, you look hot, girl! You go!" I grimaced and seriously thought about putting a Niqaab on. "Um, thanks." But it was true. The weather WAS feeling hot. Or was it just me burning out of embarrassment? I gave an anxious look at my two friends, then walked to the benches and sat down. I waited. A few seconds later, I heard his voice right near me. "It's about time we meet, princess." I lower my gaze. I remember hearing the preppy girls gushing over his obvious abs. Awkward, right? "Hi." Was all I said. "You look slick, Rapunzel." I could tell he was smiling his bad boy smile, but I kept silent and pulled my hijab over my face, like a niqaab. Some security was all I needed. "Rani, look at me." Slowly I looked up. My breath caught in my throat. Whoa. Had Kyle changed over the summer? Stunning blue eyes and black hair, perfectly cowlicked toward the side of his forehead. It was painfully handsome. And it was also strange that he looked so different from his sister. I tried to lock my eyes onto his face, not his athletic build. This was awfully hard. Astaghfirallah. I fought the urge and snapped my view towards the ground again. "Sit." He sat a few feet away from me. We just sat there. The quiet was killing me. "So, baby. What's up?" Alrighty. "Nothing much." "Anyone bothering you?" Of course, you buffoon. YOU. "Okay. So what was your question?" Kyle Remnant Jenson ran his slick fingers through his coal hair, one hand still behind his back. "First of all, Rapunzel, I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about last year. I really am." My eyebrows scrunched. "Hmph." "Really. I don't even know why I was so suspicious of you. Of Islam." The last word came out with effort, with guilt. "I don't know what I was thinking. I only believed that whatever media showed discribed every one. But I was wrong." I stared at his face again. Those eyes, though. "Tell me why I was wrong." Wow. Real sappy. He paused for a breath. He continued. "Tell me why you wear your scarf. Tell me, why don't you display your tempting hair? I only want to know the real reason. Explain how it feels to wear a headscarf and loose outfit. Why don't you care what other people think, that you're not just a plain American who mixes in with the crowd? I just want to see through your eyes, Rapunzel.

Kyle grinned at the name Rapunzel. Not a mocking sneer, but a gentle caress. Somehow this hadn't infuriated me just yet. For some reason. I took a breath of air, and settled my gaze to his hand, since the blue eyes were too much to handle. Then I began. "Kyle, it's okay about last year. What's done is done,and you can't change the past." He nodded. "The reason why you're wrong about my religion is because you haven't even understood it. Islam is a religion of peace, and we spread our belief by saying that there is no god but Allah, and our final prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is his final Messenger.  It is spread by word, not sword. Those who claim themselves Muslim and commit unspeakable actions in the name of our god are not one of us. You can't blame the whole religion itself just because of some people, Kyle. That's stereo-typical.

"I wear a hijab for modesty, as you already know. But hijab doesen't mean just covering my hair. It means covering my entire body except for face and hands. A hijab is to avoid exposing my body's appearance. This also acts as a protection for me. To me, a hijab not only expresses that I'm a Muslim, but that I'm an actual human and NOT a toy for men to play with. I don't care what people think, because after all, who cares if they think I'm being weird? I'm not a puppet, functioning my self to others' desires. I'm someone who adjusts my identity for god only.

I could feel his warmth now for some reason, and I took attention and was suddenly keenly aware that he was sitting RIGHT next to me and held my hand in his lap. His other hand was held suspiciously behind his back, though. I shoot Kyle a look, but not before retrieving my arm and scooting furthur from him. The look in his sapphire eyes throw a blanket of guilt inside me. I could imagine Lorelei squealing and Bushra grabbing tissues for my breakdown. "I'm sorry, Kyle, but it's also strictly enforced in Islam to avoid getting into a relation ship between a boy and a girl. It's kind of like a protection. For modesty, and under some circumstances, dignity and chastity. You're really sweet and caring, and I really admire you- don't think that I don't, but..." My words trailed off. Why was this so hard to tell him that? Was I actually starting to like him a little? Kyle stood still for a good moment, then came closer, took my hand, and with the one he was hiding this whole time, he placed a single red rose into my palm. My heart seemed to stop beating. No, time seemed to stop altogether. What a treacherous act. "I understand, but there's something I wanted to give first- Rani, are you crying?"  Oh, dear.  Had I realized that? Why was I crying, and why did it hurt so much to explain everything? Because I think I hurt someone's feelings, and now I'm crushing on him, that's why. Kyle sighed and came closer untill I felt his breath on my face. Mint. He took me in his arms and drew me close to his chest, burying his head in the hollow of my neck. Warmth. Such strong, suffocating, protective, and horribly forbidden warmth. Tears spilled. I hate this moment! I absolutely hate it! Astaghfirallah! But why do I feel like the world's crashing upon me? I stiffened, more likely recoiled, but other wise shifted a little away. We sat there for a while, until I realized that time had NOT stopped and I was being utterly CRAZY to depend on him like that. I pulled myself away from him. Kyle brushed my tears again and again. Tears of humiliation, guilt, sadness, pride, and surrender. I stiffened. He wiped the smudged khol from my face, using his shirt. Silence. "I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, and I understand now. Thanks for telling me." Then he stood up and walked away, the rose still grasped within my fingers and the smell of mint and cologne still lingering on my face.