Hold My Heart

Chapter Three

My eyelids flutter against the brightness of the rays of sunlight that has found a way to slither into my room. Slowly, I open my eyes and blink a few times; waiting for my vision to no longer be blurred and disoriented. Lazily, I stretch my arms up over my head until my fingers brush up against the wall. Lifting my leg up, I flex my toes and wiggle them.

            I lie there perfectly still and just listen to the sounds of the world. The clock on my wall marks the time, as it ticks away the seconds, loudly from across the room. Outside my window, the sets of wind chimes that Caroline must have picked out for me are making their soft sounds in perfect rhythm with the constant ticking of the clock. Along with those I can hear the various sounds of nature and even the faint sound of the creek near the house.

            With all of the sounds melting together into a soothing background noise; my mind drifts to other thoughts. I think of the summer and its long sunlit days, I can’t help but wonder what my summer would have been like if I had spent it here instead of back home. The feel of summer lasts longer here, and even in my room I can still smell traces of the season’s scent; but now that autumn is coming the smell of the air is changing. Now, it’s a perfect mixture of wild flowers and moss with a hint of charred wood and the smell of rain.

            Turning my head slightly, I’m a little surprised to see that Connor is still lying next to me- with his arm around my waist, just like it was when I fell asleep last night. Wow, how did I not notice that the very first second I woke up? Here I was thinking about the summer and how the air smelled instead of registering the fact that I was still snuggled up against an extremely hot guy, who has somehow still managed to smell amazing despite the fact that he’d been sleeping.

            I trail my eyes along his body and blush when I see his torso. His chest is still bare; he must not have put his shirt back on last night even though I had fallen asleep. I scan my eyes down the rest of his body, taking in his tanned abs, and how his dark jeans are slung low on his hips, showing the waistband of his boxers. I can feel my breath hitch in my throat and my cheeks begin to burn as I start to blush.

With as much self motivation as I can muster I leave the warmth of Connors body, taking extra care not to wake him up, and walk across my room, the plush carpet is soft underneath my feet, to the floor length mirror by the door that leads to my closet. My dark brown hair is messy and dull, as if someone had come in the night and stolen all of the luster and shine that used to be in it, and it reminds me of a tangle of snakes slithering over and under each other making it impossible to find where one curled lock of hair starts and the others end. The skin of my face is so pale that my freckles look as if someone has taken a handful of potting soil and thrown it in my face. My appearance is appalling but nowhere near as frightening as the haunted look in my eyes. My eyes are rimmed with a deep bloodshot red from crying, my lashes clumped together from the tears and my lapis lazuli eyes are glazed over and icy looking- I must have been crying in my sleep.

I look across the room at Connor, who’s still sleeping on my bed. I bite my lower lip, thinking to myself. I feel so conflicted about him. I’ve only known him for like maybe fifteen hours and I’m living in his house with his family so he should feel like a brother, but despite all that I am definitely attracted to him; and when I’m with him I just feel so much happier, lighter, just all around more free than I usually do. When I’m with him, I feel safe.

I sigh, I’m being ridiculous. My mother just died, I can’t honestly be standing here debating with myself over whether or not I like one of the guys I’m now living with. That’s just seriously wrong on so many levels. Besides, just because it seems like he likes me and that we have chemistry doesn’t mean anything. Maybe Connor is just a player like Caleb, I mean that would certainly explain why he wasn’t the least bit nervous to pull his shirt off in front of me or even to snuggle with me all night long. I glance at him one last time before walking to the bathroom. Connor and I hadn’t gotten as far as the bathroom on his little tour of my room so I still don’t know what it looks like.