Finding Arizona

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter 29

Dante

Okay, so maybe I didn't die. But at that moment, I wish I could have. I sat in the emergency room waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

I settled my elbows on my knees and stared straight ahead, feeling like the world's biggest douche bag. My heart nearly broke, but when I found out that Arizona didn't get hit by the car, and that it actually stopped just several inches from coming in contact with her, that God gave her a chance but barely, my heart stayed in tact. She was in shock of nearly getting hit, maybe a bit distraught, so she passed out in the middle of the road. People thought she was hit. But there wasn't a broken bone or trace of blood anywhere on her body. It gave me such damn relief that I'll remember to pray tonight thanking him.

But still. I felt like a damn douche bag for what I did.

I ran her out. I made her sick by telling her I had sex with another woman, and all for what? Just to make her feel bad because I'm some jealous freak who happens to flip out when she talks to another man? I don't want to be that person. I don't want her to hate me. I tried to think of the last words she said to me...

I'm sick of you. I wish we never met. Get away from me, you disgusting pig.

If those would have been the last words, I don't think I would be able to live with my damn self. At that moment, I felt such an unknown emotion settling in me. The same emotion I felt when my dad died, the same feeling I felt when I found Julia dead beside me.

And that fucking frightened me.

To be so in love with someone and nearly lose them, can nearly set you insane. And I was on the damn brink of insanity. The clock ticked and ticked and all I could think to do to pass the time and prevent myself from busting through those doors myself was to think about Arizona and how to make all of this shit up to her.

But what if she doesn't want to hear it? What if she's finally done putting up with my shit and she's had enough? What if she leaves me? Persuade Ezra to give her information on her home in Arizona and go there and finally be out of my life for good? I blew out a breath. Good fucking grief. So many what ifs. When the doctor came out from a door with Arizona, I shot up out of my seat.

She was still shaking like a fragile leaf, her face was blank. She had a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of hot chocolate.

"How is she?" I asked him, my heart thumping.

"She is still in shock," The man told me, "Which is expected. It will probably take her getting some rest to get over what happened. Maybe it will take a day or so, I am not sure. I gave her a blanket and a warm beverage. That should stop the body tremors. I will need you to keep a close eye on her, being exposed to a near death experience can lead to future panic attacks, crucially within the next twenty four hours. So please, you have to pay close attention. If you feel like something is wrong, then please bring her back." He handed me his card and I nodded gratefully.

I halted when he walked away. I faced Arizona.

I held my hand out her, pleading with my eyes that she take it because frankly, I don't want to fight with her anymore. I'm done. Nearly losing her made me see how much she meant to me. I love her, and I have to let her know. When she took it, a sensation filled me completely and it made me smile a little.

We drove to the Hotel in the silence. I picked up a rental car while Arizona was being rushed to the hospital, and the RV was once again, in a safe spot just like in Salt Lake City. But back to reality. I was nervous and anxious.