Half A Heart

The Brutal Truth

Ms. Thomson

We regret to inform you that you application to NYU was not accepted, and you will not be attending first semester.

If you would like to apply for second semester, please contact our Admissions Director.

Unfortunately if you get accepted for second semester, a scholarship will not be available.

Our greatest apologies.

Carol Lieberman

NYU Admissions Board

Short and Sweet.

They could've at least wrote me a 3 page letter on why I didn't get in. Why I'm such a failure.

I should've known I wouldn't get in. My administration essay was on my life. I guess no University would be eager to accept a student who has lost so many people in their life. Mental stability problems.

But is that really an excuse?

I'm not sure exactly why I didn't get accepted. I've worked so hard in hopes to go to the school of my dreams one day.

I guess dreams just don't come true.

***

Flashback

"Daddy! Stop it!" I can't get him to stop tickling me.

He always loves to see me laugh like this.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop." He surrenders.

I'm glad because my stomach really can't take anymore of that.

"Sweetheart..." He starts. I nod to let him continue.

"What do you want to do with your life?" He asks impatiently.

After all, I am only 9, so what can I hope for? That's easy. I've never told anyone this, but I feel like my dad and I have a special bond.

"I've always wanted to go to a magnificent University Daddy" I over exaggerate the word "magnificent".

He pauses for a moment before speaking slowly.

"Well then if that's what you want the most, don't let anything get in your way. That's when I know you'll be the magnificent girl I raised." He also over exaggerates the word to tease me.

He then adds with a wink, "Not that you could get anymore magnificent then you already are."

That's when I started to think about how I could make that dream come true for him. That became my life goal.

Before I could think anymore about it, he started to tickle me again, until I fell asleep onto his chest in a heap of giggles.

***

I can't keep the tears in any longer. When they run down my cheek, it feels like the water emerging from my eyes has been stored there for the past 8 years.

I can't stop them from coming, they just won't stop.

Mostly their from the disappointment. My life has led me to so much disappointment. All I wanted was once chance at a new life. But how can a girl like me get a chance like that?

I don't have nearly enough money saved to begin again, and I probably never will. Now.

After what feels like hours of sitting in the same spot, rereading the letter a hundred times, and barely breathing, I stand up and reach for the phone. Who am I kidding? I don't have even a friend to call.