Intro: What Am I to You

Intro: The Most Beautiful Moments in Life

In this lonely world, living alone is the most crucial thing.

You always tend to seek the reason why you're still existing and living when there's no one who wanted to get close to you and everyone see you as nothing.

Everything started when my mom died. The only thing that remained from her was the memories we shared together. But why does it matter?

First, I realized that out of thousand pain and bad things you got through, there will always be that one good thing that will keep you smiling.

Second, there will be more if you appreciate small things than larger ones. Though it's quite something to be proud of if you achieved large accomplishments. But good things starts with small events.

And lastly, if you keep telling yourself that there will be more, you just can't stop looking for hope. Humans can't stop searching for something that will make them happy or make them feel satisfied.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm still here. Sometimes, I want all of this to end but there's this tiny voice that tells me to breathe and go on. You just have to listen even though yourself is telling you to give up.

So, that's how I survived for 3 years after my mom died. Memories form the past I can barely remember will soon be vanished. I know it. There's no one to remind me of it. But my mom will be forever remembered.

I started to work and study when I was 17 years old. I was in 1st year college then. Good thing my mom saved enough to pay for my tuition fees, she even applied me for scholarship. I got it and continued even though she left.

I suffered, alot. But that does not stopped me. I have been suicidal since then. I strived to be alive but when the time comes, everything just attacks your mind. Telling you to end it already. That was the hardest. A battle with your own mind.

My memories then, started to fade. I was always reminded of this man whom I believe is from other country. My mom said, we lived in Korea for 5 years. I finished my middle school there. But before I entered senior highschool, I got into an accident. That's why we moved here in the Philippines. And marunong nga pala ako magtagalog. (Di ko na kaya magenglish lol)

Ayun. Ang costly daw kasi kung dun pa ako magaaral. Lumipat lang kami dun kasi doon nagta-trabaho si mama.

I temporarily lost my memories dahil daw sa trauma sa utak ko. So, wala na ko masyado maalala. Yung mama ko nalang and yung lalaking nasa panaginip ko. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba yun o panaginip lang. Pero baka gawa nalang din siguro ng sarili kong imahinasyon since wala nga akong maalala na alaala sa Korea.

Ang natira lang na alaala ay yung mga picture ko noong maliit pa ko, iilang litrato sa Korea dahil 5 years lang naman kami dun at yung necklace na crescent shaped at may initials na Y.G. Na pinakaiingatan ko. Medyo marunong pa naman ako magkorean. Naaalala ko pa. Yung ibang specific lang na alaala sa korea ang hindi ko maretain. Nagsearch ako why, dahil daw masyado akong natrauma noon or gusto ko talaga itong kalimutan.

Dumating sa time na gusto ko nang kalimutan lahat dahil grabe yung sakit na naidulot sakin pero sa tuwing nararamdaman kong ayoko na, humahawak lang ako sa kuwintas ko. Umiilaw pag madilim kaya naeemphasize yung Y.G na nakaukit. And somehow, I feel energized. Lahat ng lungkot at pagod, nawawala.

I searched and searched for that man in my dreams but failed. Lahat ng pictures, documents na naiwan ni mama, hinalughog ko just to gain info pero wala talaga. Most of the time, I find myself thinking of him. I don't know. Yung feeling na namimiss mo yung isang tao pero hindi mo naman kilala or bakit. As stranger as it seems, everything will be revealed soon. I hope it will.