Alam mo bang si Him

Epilogue

Alam mo bang si Him.

Nakilala siya bilang isang lalaking matapang at masayahin sa harap ng tao. Si Him na nakilala na parang walang problema sa buhay. Si Him na nakilala bilang isang taong hindi malungkot.

Pero kabaliktaran pala ‘yun sa totoong Him. Kasi si Him, gabi gabi nalang siya umiiyak. Kapag wala na siyang kasama ay doon na niya ipapakita ang kanyang watak na sarili. Si Him na hindi naman talaga matapang. Him is broken and even though he puts himself back together again, it still leaves a scar on his heart.

Si Him na nagbubulag-bulagan sa kanyang mga nararamdamang sakit. Si Him, ang dakilang lalaking umaasa na may pag-asa pa siya. Si Him, na ang martir. Si Him na nagpapakamartir lang dahil mahal talaga niya ang babaeng nagpapatibok ng puso niya. Si Him na sasabihin sa kanyang kaibigan na, “Okay lang ako,” pero sa totoo ay hindi talaga. Si Him na patuloy paring ipinaglaban ang kanyang nararamdaman kahit masakit na talaga at hindi na kaya. Si Him na kahit hindi siya pinapansin na ngayon sa taong mahal niya ay pinagpatuloy pa rin niya ‘tong mahalin kahit wala na talaga. Si Him na nagmaangmaangan na lang para hindi malaman ng ibang taong nasasaktan na talaga siya. Si Him na nagiging desperado para lang sa pagibig.

And now, do you know that Him is now in a church? Him is hopelessly staring at a beautiful girl that is wearing her wedding dress. He stares at ‘Her’, with sorrowful and dead-like eyes. He stares at his ‘Princess’ that is slowly walking in the aisle towards ‘Him’- at the altar. He sees her smile at the back of the veil. He feels the bitterness and the sweet moment, the heartless reality of their tragic story.

He is standing beside his boy best friend who is the… ‘Groom’ of the wedding. And unfortunately, Him is the ‘Best Man’. He glances at his boy best friend, and sees that he is tense. He pats the groom’s shoulder, so the groom’s attention was drawn towards ‘Him.’

“Don’t be tense, bro. Chill, okay?”

“Thanks, you’ve been there for me all those time.”

“That’s what bro best friends are for.” Him said and smiled at the groom. “But, I’m not here as your best friend, rather, I’m here as the best man.” After that, Him then gazed at his Princess. He slowly accepts the cruel reality that He and ‘Her’ is not really meant to be for each other.

Him’s P.O.V

 

What is… Happiness?

 

What is true happiness… for you? I stare at a beautiful girl, a princess that is slowly walking on the aisle towards us – at the altar.

 

Bakit ang hirap? Ang hirap bitawan ang isang bagal alam kng hindi naman talaga maging akin… kahit kailan. Bakit ganito? Masakit pa rin kahit nahulog na ako sa patibong. Ginawa ko naman lahat. Naghintay, nasakripisyo at umintindi.Pero lahat ng ‘yun sa huli… nauwi sa wala. Saan ba ako nagkulang?

 

Kaya sabi ko nga nung una… hindi ko talaga kaya. Sabi ko noon, wala talaga akong pag-asa. Noon pa, babagsak ako ng walang kalaban-laban. Tanggap ko naman na talo ako e. Simula palang, alam ko na. But why? Why is it? I exactly knew that I would lose. I never stood a chance - at all. But why is it that I keep on giving false hope for myself?

 

 I fell for her… hard. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there to catch me so that’s why now I’m broken with my heart shattered to pieces.

 

The hurtful thing is... she keeps stepping on it without her knowing. She’s walking all over the pieces of my shattered heart.

 

Minsan, mapatanong ako sa sarili ko kung naging priority ba ako sa kanya. Hindi ko mapigilang tanungin ang sarili ko kung naging mahalaga ba ako sa buhay niya.

 

Naging mahalaga ba talaga ako? Naging priority? Alam ko naman ang sagot e na hindi ko lang talaga kayang tanggapin na… option lang talaga ako. Ano naman ako sa kanya d’ba? Isa lang akong dakilang best friend. I’m just her mere best friend that she needs when she feels sad, happy, joyful, and depressed. I’m there to comfort her when she needs comfort, there for her if she needs someone to talk to, and is there for her as a pillow and a shoulder to lean on if she gets tired of life. Ganyan naman talaga ang role ng mga best friend diba? Maging clown kung malungkot siya, maging nanay at tatay kung may masamang ginawa o may ginawang tanga, maging isang kapatid kung tutuusin. Pero babagsak at babagsik din sa huli ang pagiging isang best friend.

 

Mahirap bitawan ang isang bagay na marami kayong pinagdaanan. Sometimes though, you feel the urge to quit and walk away when things start to hurt, you feel like you want to leave everything before the pain gets any worse, but once you remember how much you’ve suffered, how much you’ve gone through, how much you’ve really wanted it and lastly how much you’ve fought in the first place… hope comes back rushing into you that had once set aside on the corner of your heart, and maybe, just maybe… it’s worth going that far.

 

But sometimes… You just got to let go on what’s never meant for you… sometimes you really need to set things free. No matter how long you’ve held for so long or how hard you loved, the fact that they’ll never, ever, give back the love the way that you do, and that’s why… sometimes, you have accept it and be okay with that. You need to.

 

And that’s why now I’m tired. Tired of smiling like nothing’s wrong, talking like everything’s perfect, and act like it’s all just a dream and pretend like it’s not hurting me.

 

Kaya ngayon, alam ko na ang anong gagawin ko. Alam ko na kung ano ang dapat at tama. Kung ano lang ikakabuti sa lahat – sa akin.

 

Wherever I go, whatever happens, no matter how hard and long it would take … I’ll let go.

 

-x

Kilala mo na ba si Him? Si Him na nasasaktan ng todong-todo. Si Him na pinaasa. Si Him na patuloy paring ngumingiti kahit sawang sawa na siya sa kanyang buhay. Gusto mo ba siya makilala? Gusto mo ba malaman ang kanyang istorya? Gusto mo bang mabasa ang nilalaman ng kanyang buhay na tungkol sa pag-ibig?

Let’s talk about Him. I bet you know ‘Him’ already, do you?

Alam mo bang si Him…

Sila ang mga lalaking, umasa ng todong-todo, naging rebound lang, siya ang nagintay lang para kay ‘Her’ ng ilang taon. Siya yung nagmahal ng tapat at totoo. Si ‘Him’, siya yung mga lalaking… umasa at nasaktan kaya ngayon ay sawi.

Unlike the happy ending that you watch in Disney movies, ‘Him’ didn’t have his Happy Ever After story.

-

P.S: Some quotes are not mine. Credits goes to the rightful owner. :D